Lifeline

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Dear Jon

Dear Jon,

I hope this finds you, because I need you to know;
I’ve been missing you a lot lately.
I’ve been writing poems about you,
Using up all my words on you.
Your memory still makes me cry.
But here’s the thing, babe.
(Do you mind if I call you babe?)
This poem isn’t like the others.
I’m not here to tell you how much
I still love you.
I’m not here to tell you that I miss you,
Or that I’d give anything to be with you.
And I’m not here to tell you
That you’re my everything.
Because I’ve already used all those words.
I’ve already told you those things.
So here’s what I am here for.
I’m here to tell you that I’m letting you go.
I’ll be honest, I don’t want to.
I want to hold on to you,
To the hope that we’ll find each other again.
But my heart has followed you around long enough.
I’m setting you free.
You’ve already let me go,
So now it’s my turn.
Even if I’m not quite ready.
But the truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,
So I’m just going to do it.
I heard you met someone else.
I asked our friends about you
’Cause I couldn’t help myself.
I heard you’ve been happy lately,
That your heart is healed.
I’m gonna be honest, that hurts,
’Cause I’m not healed yet.
But I’m done with hurting.
I’m done with crying over you,
And agonizing over every little word you say.
I’m done wondering if a part of you still loves me.
I’m done looking for your face everywhere I go.
I’m done with you haunting my dreams,
I’m done with talking to you when you’re not there.
You don’t get to ruin me.
I’m ready to be happy without you.
I’ve spent so many words on you,
Sometimes I feel like maybe I won’t have any left
When this is all over.
So I’m done wasting my words on you.
This will be the last poem I write about you.
And maybe I’m right and you never loved me in the first place.
But I’ll never know.
You’ve moved on,
And now I’m going to.
Goodbye.

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