Everywhere I turn is another problem.
And by that, I mean another person.
They all want something from me,
Something to feed their sick needs.
But I’m not your missing puzzle piece.
And by that, I mean fuck off.
I’ve spent my whole life listening;
Listening to false words, painful words,
Lost words, insulting words.
Snakes hissed in my ear and begged
For me to fix their crumbling world.
So I did. I fixed them.
That’s what I do, I listen
And I fix.
So imagine my surprise when they
Throw words at me that bite.
And by that, I mean they jive and poke.
They eat up my light.
But you know what, fuck that.
I have just as much of a right to shine
As you do.
Maybe more, because I’ve been dark
For so long.
And by that, I mean I’m suicidal.
Everyone I’ve ever known has stabbed me
From behind with an icy blade.
And I’m not the type of person to
Be a fake ass bitch and “not name names.”
Damn right I’ll name names.
They don’t get to hide from me.
Cassidy; Noelle; Morgan; Michael; Matt;
Jonathan; Ellie; Lulu; Danielle; Chloe;
You’re all guilty.
My mother; my father;
My grandmother; my sister,
Guilty of hurting me, betraying me.
I’ve forgiven them, it’s true,
And some are even still my friends.
But I’ll never forget
That everyone I meet turns away from me.
I used to think it was because of me.
Maybe I was too clingy, too needy, too sad
All the time.
Maybe I was a burden to them.
Now I know the truth.
Anyone who gets to have me is lucky,
But no one will ever have me.
Not completely, because fuck that.
And what I mean by that, is I’m afraid
And I am angry.
Why do others get to hurt me, while I just
Slide to the floor and shut my eyes
So I can block all the noise?
They’re the poison ones, not me.
They intoxicate me with beautiful lies
Until they drop me on the rocks and laugh.
But I’m not on those rocks anymore.
And what I mean by that is
I’ve picked myself up, because
I can’t expect anyone else to.
I am powerful, pure, light.
I am a beautiful chaotic dance
Through the flames.
And I am and always will be