Lifeline

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Rewrite

I'm going insane
with the words that I write
filling up my brain
and try as I might
it's hard to handle the strain
as I look left and right
searching for the train
that will never come.

I don't need any hope,
just looking for an antidote.
This pain won't fix itself,
just praying I can be enough
for these words to rewrite themselves.
I know I sound like a rapper
tryna find the right to write
but it bites when all I find
are the parts of me that fight.

This can't really be who I am.
The anger that I feel, it's not really real...
is it?
I'm tired of being the one who always feels,
and I drag people down tryna cure these ills.
Y'all open your mouths, all I hear is that I'm not enough.
Maybe it'd help to take a page outta my mom's book,
start poppin' the pills to feel numb, carry out the kill, eh?
But don't look!
At this carnage, the wreckage, my weapon,
can't get far enough to contain the damage,
and yet everything I do is garbage,
like a light that just won't turn on 'cause I fried it
tryna find my way in this darkness.

Listen, do you hear that?
It's the sound of my heart beating,
pumping blood to my organs, but I just keep bleeding,
walking down the street thinkin'
man it's hard just to keep breathing.
I don't know about y'all,
but I think it's about time I just start sleeping.
Close my eyes, count to ten, but my brain never stops thinking.

So I guess that's it then.
I'll live my life tryna fight
every little thing that helps me
because I'm too damn scared
they'll try to hurt me.
I'll fight 'til my last breath leaves my body
and I'll look around me,
only to find I'm alone and it's too late to stop
and I'm dying.

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