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"Permanent Shelter"

By Rianora Scribe All Rights Reserved ©

Poetry

"Permanent Shelter"

Cover of leaves

Tatters from pounding

Rain


Flimsy cellophane and

Cardboard walls; collapses in

Pain


A cap of newspapers

Burns in the glaring

Sun


Uncovered heads from their

Dismal corners dashes out and

Run


Concrete cells photocopies

Of photocopies and nothing but

Battlegrounds


Roofs crashes in revealing

Sky overcast with rising

Mounds


Tired bodies cower from the

Shrieks of falling

Bombs


Hands of those who has the

Powers crushes origami paper

Forms


A box with two boards

Angled; coming together at

Peaks


The hand that builds is

Also the hand that smashes

Bricks


Rows of ice-cream planks

Cemented by crystal UHU

Glue


Just as heads on pillows lie

Premature walls; a fist crashes

Through


A yawning abyss swallows

Exclusive


Before the Gone becomes

Intrusive


Fertile land and pregnant bushes

Wonder


Why claws unearth the Never Rested from

Under

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Further Recommendations

preety_lady_serenity: I really liked the poem. It created this picture of a baroque style cafe that you kind of enter it to feel relaxed and yet you feel trapped due to outside circumstances.I especially loved the writing style, If one looks at it, it does look like a birdcage which is an excellent image to fit the po...

Alex Rushmer: Honestly, poetry is not really my thing, and I don't have a lot of feedback that I can give. However, I thought that this was written powerfully in a way that affects the reader. Just don't mistake depressing for being the same as deep. You can have one without the other. This is only my opinion,...

Laraine Smith: In addition to being humorous, this story is visual! This is also a beautiful story. Keep up the great work! :)

novicemaster: The imagery in this prose poem is glorious. I love the way you manipulate words. You seem to have harnessed them to bend to your every whim. The slightly archaic ones like "whilst" make this resemble a fairytale. The entire idea of a prose poem is brilliant. I didn't get the ending at first, but ...

CalvinPeat: This is a great concept, and you've done a largely excellent job of capturing the voice of Mal.You convey Mal's inner struggle well. Perhaps, though, you could reflect the hope in verses 13-17 of Psalm 90 a bit more. A suggestion: in the current version, Mal seems to be losing hope in the idea of...

Laraine Smith: My only suggestion on the grammar is to use www.grammarcheck.net. I have it bookmarked on Google Chrome. I see myself in the determination in this beautiful story! I have Cerebral Palsy, and I have dreams that I have been working hard for, too! The humor made me laugh!

WaywardKnight3: I liked this poem overall. It brought up a lot of thoughts to me about our place in the world and the place of the things around us. Plus I am proud to be of Scando lineage and perhaps that has a part to play in my enjoyment. Either way good work.

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