Through My Tears, Thinking of You
Walking through the wildflower
grass to where you lay,
I curl up on your hill
and pull out my current read.
I pet the green grass, soft like fur.
and roll over, wishing I could get closer than I am now.
Two weeks ago, I held you for the last time.
I softly rocked your lifeless body
in my arms, tracing patterns into your fur.
There I sat, looking out at the farm,
swaying with you in the wind
that moves the waves of golden grain in the field.
If I could pick my dreams,
I would always dream of you,
of running fast and never tiring
of throwing the tennis ball,
of being by your side and giving
you all the attention you ever wanted.
You would rest by my side
and for the first time, be able to tell me
how it feels when I leave,
even for a brief time;
how exciting it is to go for a walk;
what it is your nose smells in the grass;
and the feeling of the breeze flying through your fur.
In my dreams, there is a phone
so you could call and tell me about heaven
or send me an email with picture attachments
to tell me that you’re happy and healthy.
only you could say the words that properly comfort.
Back here on Earth, I wish your yellow body
was contrasting with the green grass of the field.
I wish my tears could once again be soaked
up by your fur, slowly making their way
to your pink skin with the hopes
that they could somehow heal you.
Someone told me that dogs never smile,
but you always found something to smile about.
and through my tears,
thinking of you, I have, too.