A Series Of Goodbyes

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Uno /// Forbidden Fruit


I think I'm going to start off with you

Let's go back a bit in years

We were in the fifth grade

when we met

I thought you were beautiful.

I knew I liked you

But I saw you with so many.

I remember scoffing and thinking

What a fucking harlot.

After that I don't know we didn't fancy each other I suppose it was.

Later I would grow to know why

You saw your beloved Brandon

He was looking at me and not you.

Talking about me.

Hell I didn't even know

But you didn't like me for it I suppose

I had barely moved to that school

After a month maybe we got over it

Starting talking casually

One day near the end of the year

We were huddled with a group of school girls making


Talking nonsense

We Made nicknames for each other.

I was soon became your mommy and you my baby.

That day our teacher dismissed us early.

We ran away from the girls

To the sixth grade bathrooms

Blocked the door

And finally after all that time

Smashed lips

We were young with little experience but it was blissful.

I loved it.

It made me ache between my legs.

And that was only the start.

After that it was easy to do,

Easy to sneak off

To touch lips

Hug each other

And grope eachother.

The school year ended and the new one started

We had the same class

We had finally become sixth graders

Keep in mind

I didn't hang with the prettiest of girls in fifth

So I dumped them.

Such a vile thing to do

But I had to climb the chain

Sounds heartless

But I'm not here to talk about that.

I did it so I won't apologize.

I was a kid and so different then.

I asked ruby if we could start

hanging out together.

She told me she had to get her other friends to agree

I'd made friends with the others previously

So I was in.

With the pretty girls

That meant we did things sometimes

Let guys touch us.

Well grope us.

It was only two boys.

And the first time it happened I was about to go off..

But Ruby stopped me and pulled me to the side

'If you want to hang with us you have to let them.'

Fuck I want to climb the chain.

I don't want to stay

At that same place.

Fuck it.

'I- O-okay then'

After that we'd mess around and slap and grope each other's ass.

But she started liking him.


I shrugged it off at first

She dated the other.

I went along with it

They split

Months passed

January 20th my birthday

Days passed

January 28th her birthday

Weeks passed

Then February came around

And it started again

We had Science Last period

I was always the

Teachers pet.

We got the privilege to walk around before the bell.

So we ran to the bathroom

blocked the door

And I shoved her against the wall

And forced my lips to hers.

She spread her legs

And I slipped closer.

I pressed myself against her

We were so close.

And it was so hot, we didn't mind

I slowly started grinding myself into her

She loved it.

Even asked for me to keep going.

Tap Tap Tap


I pushed her in the stall

Patted my hair down

Wiped my face and opened the door.

Months passed and we kept doing it.

Last period.

That sweet class.

The teacher started projecting our work

We had to sit on the floor

And we sat together

In the back

Against the wall.

She delicately whispered

'Please touch me'

I didn't know how.

So she grabbed her sweater and

Draped it over us

Slid my hand under hers

And brought it down.

Down to her precious heat.

And gently placed it over top

Whispered again

'Touch me here.'

And I did.

Over her shorts

Over her Panties.

I didn't know what to do

Or if I did it right

But she liked it.

She trailed hers down too.

And did it to me

I liked it too.

So during projector time

We started a new routine.

We'd go to the bathroom


And grope

Pick up our teachers papers.

Then we'd sit and cover ourselves

And touch each other.

I forgot to mention

We'd pass notes

Lots and lots of notes.

I'd always think wow

Her beauty

The year was coming to an end

We started touching each other

Even more

She said we should try it another way

I didn't know any other way

Until she slipped her hand

Into my skirt.

This time I really really liked it.

Summer came and it was off to secondary school

Before it ended she asked me

Which school I would attend

I told her I was moving a few miles to a new house

So i would go to one there

She begged her mom

And then we went to middle school together.

But only for a few months.

At this time I loved her.

She started talking to


I don't know why

But it hurt

And a lot of things started hurting

In those months

And I wanted to die.

I was soon trying to cope.

We were both hurting and wanting to cope.

We remember girls

Who would cut


And their pain would

Go away?

So we started.

A month passed

Mother found out

I had a Facebook.

I couldn't have a Facebook.

They read my messages

Our messages

'What is Ruby to you?'

'm-mMy bestfriend'

I went to sleep

Only to be awoken

At 11:00

I was sleeping early, so exhausted

They dragged me to the dining room

Passed the living room

Was that my backpack?

All my belongings thrown

Notes every where.

Love notes.

A blade

Many many things I was not supposed to have

Or do

A suicide note.

It wasn't real?

Well yes

Yes it was.

But I was too scared to do it.

'Let me see your arms.'

Oh no

I slipped my sleeve up

And there the were.

The cuts.

'Sit down'

I complied.

The first asked me about the Facebook

And why I had asked Brian out

'I was a joke, a bet really'

She didn't believe me

'Why are you talking to ruby like this?'

I look around the table.

Why are my brother and sister here?

Is this a god damn theater show?

'Why do you have my work blade?'

I think it's pretty damn FUCKING OBVIOUS.

I don't say that.

I don't say anything


'You wanna fucking die?!'

I shake my head no

'Really because it seems a lot like it.'

'Take off your cardigan'

My father finally speaks

I do so.

He Tears it in half.

I want to Cry

I always let her use it.

It was hers


I don't cry I don't speak.

And that infuriated my mother.

She had so many questions

And not a single answer

She walks to the side door

Bends down and picks up the carpet cleaner.

She opens it

Peaks back the lid

And pushes it to me

In my face.

'You wanna FUCKING DIE? Then drink it here drink it NOW.'

She doesn't give me a chance to

Say no or object

It splashes on my bitten lips.

I close my mouth and refuse

She shoves the gallon in my face again.

I look and see my siblings and father

Fear possessed their faces.

'Stop Vanessa'

'Mom stop'

He pulls the gallon away from me.

I still don't say anything.

'Are you a fucking lesbian?'

Am I?

No that can't be

I like boys.



I shake my head no.

They all dismiss themselves

It's 1:47

My dad leads me to the

Virgin Mary Shrine

Tells me to bend over

And pray.

I bend over

I saw it already

I know what's going to come.

I saw the belt.

'Dear holy mother of

I'm cut off

The worst pain I've felt.

I feel my skin tear.

No remorse.

He went full force

Towered over me

He's 6'5

I'm 5'3

He's nearly 200 pounds

I'm 110.

He's strong

I'm weak.

It happens nine times

Nine times.

Blood is dripping down my thighs.

I deserve this.

I want him to keep going.

I want him to grab my head and

bash it against the wall and

Kill me.

He doesn't.

I'm welted

And bleeding


'Go to your room'

I comply.

I lay in bed

And wince

I lie there


It's October

It's Columbus Day tomorrow

No school.

I wake the next day

And they take me to my pediatrician

They make me undress

She tells my mom sometimes

We hide cuts on our thighs

Our thighs?

She tells my mom to take me to Some place

We arrive.

It says emergency mental hospital.

My dad and mom look so disappointed

And I

I'm sorry

They take me.

Tell me my parents want to leave me there


They take me to a room

Tally up my belongings

Make me strip

Give me a change of clothes

And take me inside.

His name was golden.

He was beautiful.

He had tattoos


I liked his hair

He was really handsome

He joked with me and didn't make me

Feel like I was disgusting as my parents did.

A new woman makes up my bed.

There's another girl like me

Sitting there.

Her eyes are puffy.

We sit there and watch movies.


They ask me questions

I leave after three days

My mom says she didn't sleep

And she didn't want to leave me.

I don't believe her.

I get home and they all hug me and tell me they love me.

My room is a wreck.

My notes are gone.

Our notes are gone

Days pass

We're at the court house

My mom is getting a

Restraining Order



Weeks passed

I seen a therapist and Psychologist

They want me to take medicine

I won't.

I refuse.

I have to file a police report

In two cites

Saying she molested me

And forced me.

My mom was forcing me

Not once did Ruby.

On October 31st it's granted.

I saw her

My love

My beautiful baby.

She looked away.

She was hurt.

So hurt.

I had to lie and say things.

It was granted.

You are not to talk or communicate in any way.

Or you'll be held in contempt of the court.

She nods

'Y-yes sir'

Case file: 07FKE82


A law officer tells us we can go.

He'll make sure they give us enough time to leave

I walk slow.

I want to see her.

I want to say goodbye.

A few days later my mom takes me

To see our priest.

Tells him I'm possessed.

He's kind and he tells me things I hold on to today.

He doesn't make me feel like I'm wrong

He makes me feel loved.

And relieved.

We pray

And go home.

My siblings are saying I'm a demon and making me feel like crap.

I don't care.

I miss Ruby.

This goes on for days.

They call me a lesbian like it's a bad thing.

It not.

It won't ever be.

I love you ruby.


I'm sorry

I had to tell everyone

Lies even

About us.

I've apologized to you

I sent you a long message

Not too long ago.

You read it and said you were in tears but we couldn't talk anymore.

You said you forgave me.

That's all I needed.

You were my first love.

Even if you were never really mine.

I'm sorry.

I hope I didn't cause you any harm.

Love Nadia.


2044 Words

This is a series of Goodbyes.

I thought of this idea at 3:43 this morning

I had Melanie Martinez 'Recess' on repeat as I slept.

I woke up and needed water. This idea of saying goodbye to people in my past came. And I couldn't let it go.

Everything I'm writing happened to me. It's all real

All my emotions cannot be described but I did my best.


- Nadia

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