Tres /// You called I declined
As I said I'm trying to go in Chronological Order
So bare with me my darling
We met in third grade
We were friends at first
Then we became best friends
Played and did kid shit during school
I liked you
I broke my arm
Falling off a balancing beam
But fuck so did I
That shit was hilarious
The school I went to was like
20 minutes away from where I lived
So they had this special program for kids like me
It was this bus that went over there
and I mean there were a lot of us
So I was in third but I was cool as shit
I got to sit with the 7th graders
In the Back of the bus
And we'd mess around
Like I said kid shit
So one day my little bad ass
Popped a fart bomb on the bus
Hid it under a folded seat and sat back down in The back
It smelled so bad
We all laughed
We had to stop at a middle school and evacuate
And ride another bus
A couple days later
Some bitch ass hoe had snitched on me
They called me in the office
I got suspended from using that bus
It was later in the year
So my mom just took me out of the school
and beat my ass.
I didn't see Casey after that
For a couple years
Then came seventh grade
After the whole Ruby incident and the Priest and Restraining order
So it was February and new school
First and second period we went to the library and I sat next to Abraham.
Just remember him
I was walking to fourth and I passed by a group of people
I saw you
I knew who you were
You saw me
I walked into the class I needed
And you followed me
You'd just came out of that same room
'Hey do I know you from somewhere?'
'No I'm afraid not'
'Are you sure?'
'Hey I know you, you went to Monroe in Third. Your name is Nadia.'
I turn around and it was this know it all Tatiana
'Yeah I think I went there'
I know I saw you and walked away..
Just kidding I didn't say that
'Do you remember me?'
"Casey go to class."
That crystal and I cant remember her name talked to me and invited me with them for lunch
This is the period I sat next to Angelina
The period goes on and then comes lunch
I didn't fancy any food
I remember that
My eating disorder was at its first peak
So there I stood with those girls
Casey came up to me with Gage
'So do you remember us?'
'I'm Casey and he's Gage'
'Remember we used to be best friends'
'And then you left us'
'I remember Casey but not Gage.'
'I could be wrong it was long ago'
So after awhile they go to eat and then
I'm already acquainted with Angelinas group
This girl tells me Casey was talking about me
And said he liked me.
I don't know why but this made me start to like him
I guess this girl told him that
So he acted weird
But I didn't care
I was doing me
I remember him walking past our group
I heard you Whisper 'that's her'
It was Angelinas birthday that day
Anyway months pass I making jokes with Abraham about liking him and they were friends
I didn't care
One day we were walking together after the bell
'I like You Casey'
I didn't wait for you to reply
I started walking away
And I was doing it fast
'Nadia, I know'
I turned around looked at him
And walked away
To my car
After that it was well known I had a crush on him
Was it a crush?
Who cares I had the balls to say something
So time passes and it's the last week of school
I'm like fuck yeah
I had my outfits planned and they all had short bottoms
I got away with three days of it
On Thursday I got dress coded
The lady let it pass only if I kept my flannel on
you asked me for it
I felt bad
The day before
You asked me to use my little back pack,
You know the ones with the cute dogs on them
I said no
So yeah I felt bad
I gave it to you
The lady saw me
They gave me on school suspension
She called my mom
I didn't care
'Call her '
'Go ahead '
'Here pass me the phone I'll dial '
'Want me to tell her?'
I was taunting the lady
I had to sit at the lunch detention table
You kept passing by
Mouthing you were sorry
It's okay Casey don't feel bad
You kept doing it
After that I had my last period
I got a call to go home
And my mom was there
The lady told her some bull shit story
That I gave my boyfriend my flannel
That's the thing I'm not supposed to
And I wasn't
He wasn't my boyfriend
We were friends.
My mom stood in the office
You know what just take her out of the school.
Is that the only form of punishment she knows?
We drove home in silence
Why was my brother here?
Here's the thing With My mom
She thinks she knows the whole situation
When she doesn't
So they already were both on board
When we got home they told me to wait in the living room
Right in front of the Virgin Mary shrine
No, not in the same way
She was behind us
So they told me what they thought
That basically I was a slut and he was my boyfriend something dumb around the lines of that
My brother had just baptized me and he was my god father
So my lovely mom decided he be the one to give me my punishment
He got the damned belt
I didn't count this time
I didn't deserve this one
This one hurt
Anyway I had shorts on
my back and butt and legs
Were swollen and welted
My skin was burning and red
In the middle of it I said stop and I hugged him
He shoved me to the floor
And kept going
'Don't touch me dirty bitch'
I was sent to my room
I took a nap
I always do
After these sort of things happen
I have no strength or energy
Casey texted me on Snap and asked if I was okay
'Yeah I am. Don't worry'
'I don't think I'll go back anymore'
'What why not? You can't do this to me again'
Oh but I did.
I hid the tablet
We visited Chicago that summer
I tried to keep in touch
They found my snap chat
Wasn't supposed to have it
So since beating me never worked
They thought cutting my hair
Maybe they thought if my hair was shorter
I'd be ugly and No one would like me?
Anyway they did it
I was still a bomb ass Bitch
One time when I was younger they cut too much hair
And I cried
Maybe that's where she got it from
I'm not sure.
So now we're home and my hair is cut
I liked it
They said I wouldn't return to school
A new one.
You'll hear of this later
Let's skip a couple years to as of recently
You called me 12 times
In one night.
I didn't answer
Why would you call me?
It kept happening for two weeks
One day I texted you
'Um hey did you call?'
'Yeah I wanted to talk to you.'
Basically what he told me
Was he liked me
That he had always thought I was 'hot'
Was what he said...
Then he said he had to go
But texted me asking if I was awake
'What's the last thing you really thought about'
'Life in general it's crazy if you really think about it.'
I said some more but I can't remember what exactly
You kept calling me
I kept ignoring
You had the chance
To say it to my face
And you chose to not
And for that
Why do I want you now?
I was already talking to someone
I thought I was in love
That's for a little later
You stopped for awhile
And started again
I want to know why?
It's too late
But I want to know
You had your chance
Months passed and I was visiting California
I was at my grandpas
And you texted me
We talked a bit
Until you fucking said this
'Would you let me hit it?'
'Come on let me hit it'
'I fucking said NO! Now if you still want to talk cut the shit'
'It was a joke'
He said something around those lines again
'Look I don't know if you take me for some whore or something but I fucking said no. If that's what you think of me then fuck you.'
'It was a joke'
'I don't fucking joke'
'Fine if you can't take a joke then fuck you.'
Are you done?
He blocked me
Even after that you still called
You tried following me on insta
I declined it
I ignored your calls
Fuck you Casey you're a prick with no balls to say you liked me when I was there.
Good fucking bye
You won't be missed.
It seems I have to say I'm done with dealing with you since you can't get the fucking memo
This one was pretty funny, his story
he thought I was going to forgive him? I don't take disrespect quite well
I never have.
If you let it happen it'll keep happening
Put your fucking foot down and say no FUCK YOU
Be your badass self and don't let anyone
Treat you less than what you are
You're amazing and beautiful
And so strong
Don't let some fucker disrespect you.
I don't care who he is
We sometimes end up in toxic relationships
Because sadly sometimes
we don't stand up for ourselves
If you see a red flag
Don't ever let someone get comfortable with disrespecting you
I don't care who they think they are.
You body is your GOD DAMN TEMPLE
take care of it
No one else will
It's your job
Here's something I heard once and I've remembered since
'An apology without change is just manipulation'
Respect yourself enough to say no
To say back the fuck up
You're not shit
You mean shit
And you won't treat me like shit
Distance yourself from people who treat
You less than you are
Or try and disrespect you.
'I know it seems impossible
But try not to expect shallow people to love you
They don't even have to capacity to understand how amazing you are
And we all have to learn how to love ourselves without the approval of others.'
Words of the beautiful Melanie Martinez in k-12
This chapter didn't bring pain like the others did
This one woke me up
Told me to not let these things happen
I hope it does the same for you.
This one was a brief good bye to Casey
What I really want is for you to say goodbye to
To letting the abuse go on
To letting the disrespect continue
I want you to say enough
I want you to say goodbye to you soft self
Just that small part that lets things like this happen
And stand up for yourself
Like I know you would
For someone you care about
And start doing it for yourself.
Try and say goodbye to your own toxic people or traits
Surround yourself with good
Say fuck you to the bad.
Do things for your self
Your own pleasure
Stop trying to please everyone
Cos quite frankly they can all fuck themselves
I hope you do
I really do
I know you're strong enough to.
We all are.
If you need a little push or help text me
I'll be more than happy to
This is a Series Of Goodbyes
I want you to try that for yourself
We can all say goodbye to those things together
Goodbye for now