A Series Of Goodbyes

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Tres /// You called I declined

Casey Compton

As I said I'm trying to go in Chronological Order

So bare with me my darling

We met in third grade

We were friends at first

Then we became best friends

And were

completely inseparable

Played and did kid shit during school

I liked you

I broke my arm

Falling off a balancing beam

You saw

You laughed

But fuck so did I

That shit was hilarious

Months passed

The school I went to was like

20 minutes away from where I lived

So they had this special program for kids like me

It was this bus that went over there

and I mean there were a lot of us

So I was in third but I was cool as shit

I got to sit with the 7th graders

In the Back of the bus

And we'd mess around

Like I said kid shit

So one day my little bad ass

Popped a fart bomb on the bus

Hid it under a folded seat and sat back down in The back

It smelled so bad

We all laughed

We had to stop at a middle school and evacuate

And ride another bus

A couple days later

Some bitch ass hoe had snitched on me

They called me in the office

I got suspended from using that bus

It was later in the year

So my mom just took me out of the school

and beat my ass.

I didn't see Casey after that

For a couple years

Then came seventh grade

After the whole Ruby incident and the Priest and Restraining order

So it was February and new school

First and second period we went to the library and I sat next to Abraham.

Just remember him

I was walking to fourth and I passed by a group of people

I saw you

I knew who you were

You saw me

I walked into the class I needed

And you followed me

You'd just came out of that same room

'Hey do I know you from somewhere?'

'No I'm afraid not'

'Are you sure?'

'Hey I know you, you went to Monroe in Third. Your name is Nadia.'

I turn around and it was this know it all Tatiana

'Yeah I think I went there'

'I'm Casey'

I know I saw you and walked away..

Just kidding I didn't say that

'Do you remember me?'

"Casey go to class."

That crystal and I cant remember her name talked to me and invited me with them for lunch

This is the period I sat next to Angelina

The period goes on and then comes lunch

I didn't fancy any food

I remember that

My eating disorder was at its first peak

So there I stood with those girls

Casey came up to me with Gage

'So do you remember us?'

'I'm Casey and he's Gage'

'Remember we used to be best friends'

'And then you left us'

'I remember Casey but not Gage.'

'I could be wrong it was long ago'

So after awhile they go to eat and then

Months pass

I'm already acquainted with Angelinas group

This girl tells me Casey was talking about me

And said he liked me.

I don't know why but this made me start to like him

I guess this girl told him that

So he acted weird

But I didn't care

I was doing me

I remember him walking past our group

I heard you Whisper 'that's her'

It was Angelinas birthday that day

Anyway months pass I making jokes with Abraham about liking him and they were friends

I didn't care

One day we were walking together after the bell

'I like You Casey'

I didn't wait for you to reply

I started walking away

And I was doing it fast

'Nadia, I know'

I turned around looked at him

And walked away

To my car

After that it was well known I had a crush on him

Was it a crush?

Who cares I had the balls to say something

So time passes and it's the last week of school

I'm like fuck yeah

I had my outfits planned and they all had short bottoms

I got away with three days of it

On Thursday I got dress coded

The lady let it pass only if I kept my flannel on

I did.

Until lunch

you asked me for it

I felt bad

The day before

You asked me to use my little back pack,

You know the ones with the cute dogs on them

I said no

So yeah I felt bad

I gave it to you

The lady saw me

'NADIA'

Oh shit

They gave me on school suspension

She called my mom

I didn't care

'Call her '

'Go ahead '

'Here pass me the phone I'll dial '

'Want me to tell her?'

I was taunting the lady

Anyway

I had to sit at the lunch detention table

You kept passing by

Mouthing you were sorry

It's okay Casey don't feel bad

You kept doing it

I smiled

After that I had my last period

I got a call to go home

And my mom was there

And pissed

The lady told her some bull shit story

That I gave my boyfriend my flannel

That's the thing I'm not supposed to

And I wasn't

He wasn't my boyfriend

We were friends.

My mom stood in the office

You know what just take her out of the school.

Not again

Is that the only form of punishment she knows?

We drove home in silence

Why was my brother here?

Here's the thing With My mom

She thinks she knows the whole situation

When she doesn't

So they already were both on board

When we got home they told me to wait in the living room

Right in front of the Virgin Mary shrine

No, not in the same way

She was behind us

So they told me what they thought

That basically I was a slut and he was my boyfriend something dumb around the lines of that

My brother had just baptized me and he was my god father

So my lovely mom decided he be the one to give me my punishment

He got the damned belt

I didn't count this time

I didn't deserve this one

This one hurt

Anyway I had shorts on

my back and butt and legs

Were swollen and welted

My skin was burning and red

In the middle of it I said stop and I hugged him

He shoved me to the floor

And kept going

'Don't touch me dirty bitch'

I was sent to my room

I took a nap

I always do

After these sort of things happen

I have no strength or energy

Casey texted me on Snap and asked if I was okay

Was I?

'Yeah I am. Don't worry'

'I don't think I'll go back anymore'

'What why not? You can't do this to me again'

Oh but I did.

I hid the tablet

We visited Chicago that summer

I tried to keep in touch

But couldn't

They found my snap chat

Wasn't supposed to have it

So since beating me never worked

They thought cutting my hair

Would work?

Maybe they thought if my hair was shorter

I'd be ugly and No one would like me?

Anyway they did it

I was still a bomb ass Bitch

One time when I was younger they cut too much hair

And I cried

Maybe that's where she got it from

I'm not sure.

So now we're home and my hair is cut

I liked it

They said I wouldn't return to school

I did

A new one.

You'll hear of this later

Let's skip a couple years to as of recently

You called me 12 times

In one night.

I didn't answer

Why would you call me?

It kept happening for two weeks

One day I texted you

'Um hey did you call?'

'Yeah I wanted to talk to you.'

Basically what he told me

Was he liked me

That he had always thought I was 'hot'

Was what he said...

Okay

Then he said he had to go

But texted me asking if I was awake

'What's the last thing you really thought about'

'Life in general it's crazy if you really think about it.'

I said some more but I can't remember what exactly

You kept calling me

I kept ignoring

You had the chance

To say it to my face

And you chose to not

And for that

Why do I want you now?

I was already talking to someone

I thought I was in love

That's for a little later

You stopped for awhile

And started again

I want to know why?

Why now?

It's too late

But I want to know

You had your chance

Months passed and I was visiting California

For Christmas

I was at my grandpas

And you texted me

We talked a bit

Normally

Until you fucking said this

'Would you let me hit it?'

'What?'

'Nothing'

'Wanna smash?'

'No.'

'Come on let me hit it'

'I fucking said NO! Now if you still want to talk cut the shit'

'It was a joke'

He said something around those lines again

'Look I don't know if you take me for some whore or something but I fucking said no. If that's what you think of me then fuck you.'

'It was a joke'

'I don't fucking joke'

'Fine if you can't take a joke then fuck you.'

Okay?

Are you done?

He blocked me

I laughed

Even after that you still called

You tried following me on insta

I declined it

I ignored your calls

Fuck you Casey you're a prick with no balls to say you liked me when I was there.

Good fucking bye

You won't be missed.

It seems I have to say I'm done with dealing with you since you can't get the fucking memo

This one was pretty funny, his story

he thought I was going to forgive him? I don't take disrespect quite well

I never have.

If you let it happen it'll keep happening

Put your fucking foot down and say no FUCK YOU

Be your badass self and don't let anyone

Treat you less than what you are

You're amazing and beautiful

And so strong

Don't let some fucker disrespect you.

I don't care who he is

Don't.

We sometimes end up in toxic relationships

Because sadly sometimes

we don't stand up for ourselves

If you see a red flag

Don't stay

Don't ever let someone get comfortable with disrespecting you

I don't care who they think they are.

You body is your GOD DAMN TEMPLE

take care of it

No one else will

It's your job

Here's something I heard once and I've remembered since

'An apology without change is just manipulation'

Respect yourself enough to say no

To say back the fuck up

You're not shit

You mean shit

And you won't treat me like shit

Distance yourself from people who treat

You less than you are

Or try and disrespect you.

'I know it seems impossible

But try not to expect shallow people to love you

They don't even have to capacity to understand how amazing you are

And we all have to learn how to love ourselves without the approval of others.'

Words of the beautiful Melanie Martinez in k-12

This chapter didn't bring pain like the others did

This one woke me up

Told me to not let these things happen

I hope it does the same for you.

This one was a brief good bye to Casey

What I really want is for you to say goodbye to

staying silent

To letting the abuse go on

To letting the disrespect continue

I want you to say enough

I want you to say goodbye to you soft self

Not completely

Just that small part that lets things like this happen

And stand up for yourself

Like I know you would

For someone you care about

So stop

And start doing it for yourself.

Try and say goodbye to your own toxic people or traits

Surround yourself with good

Say fuck you to the bad.

Do things for your self

Your own pleasure

Stop trying to please everyone

Cos quite frankly they can all fuck themselves

I hope you do

I really do

I know you're strong enough to.

We all are.

If you need a little push or help text me

I'll be more than happy to

2095 words

This is a Series Of Goodbyes

I want you to try that for yourself

We can all say goodbye to those things together

Goodbye for now

-Nadia

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