A Series Of Goodbyes

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Cuarto /// Daddy?

Abraham

I mentioned you already

Briefly, of course

I sat next to you on that first day

The first two periods

I thought you were creepy at first

You were like winking and being a weirdo

I'll admit you were cute

You later said that was your personality

I didn't actually like Casey

He was a cocky white boy

Not to be racist...

But he was

I'm a Latina if you hadn't noticed

And so were you

You were really sweet

And flirty

And so god damn weird sometimes

In a really cute way

You'd purposely do things to annoy

Me so I could talk to you

I pretended I didn't like it

But I looked forward to it

I don't know how much or how little I want to say about you

There's too much

You sat behind me

I'd catch you staring at my hips and ass

I liked it.

What can I say you were hot

We would always flirt with each other

But never admitted to it

Months went on with this

So here's how you got your nickname

In our first and second period

We had this project and I can't quite remember what for

But we had to build a castle or something

I had just found out my mom was pregnant with twins

I was the first to know.

So I came to school with my little castle

It was a little wonky

I presented

You clapped

And winked

Smirked

And you cheeky little shit

You blew me a kiss?

I wanted it to happen again

Anyway we finished and had to

Sit in groups

So since you sat behind me I had to face your cute ass

'Oh guess what!'

'My moms pregnant with twins!!!'

Now the only reason I went along with this is cos she had just beat my ass a few weeks earlier...

You'll hear about that in Alex's goodbye letter

'I know'

'What? How would you know? I just found out.'

'I fucked your mom'

'Ha ha so funny. You're dumb'

'Really. I did'

'Well then this makes you my daddy'

You blushed

I smirked

Not so cocky now huh

'No wait step daddy.'

'You call me step daddy and I'll call you my baby or Mija'

'Yes daddy'

After that that's all I called him

I could tell you liked it

You told Casey

He got jealous

Oh fucking well too bad

You ain't daddy material

Casey was like shoot up a school if I don't get my way type of guy

Not my type

You know what I forgot to mention

You were such a good boy

Like I thought

You were church boy material

I wanted to taint you so badly

You never cussed

And when I did you told me not too

'I'll do as I please.'

'Are you sure about that?'

'You have to listen to me, I'm your daddy'

You never dated

But either had I

You never kissed anyone

You were just such a good guy

So respectful

So good

Or that's how you'd present yourself

I liked that

A lot

Have you ever read those church boy fanfics?

There's a really good one on here

It's called 'beg'

I hadn't read it yet

But now that I think of it

That's what I wanted to do to you

Deflower you.

I guess that's why I liked it all so much

You acted so innocent and so sweetly

Aren't we all Sinners?

I was shocked you said that about my mom

You never said things liked that

It was hot

Towards the end of the year

We used to walk around during switching periods

Together

So close

Our hands would graze

Sometimes I'd want to just grab yours

Sometimes I'd just want to kiss you

Later you said you wanted the same

After lunch one day we were walking together

With Dani

We both were like not needy that's not the word or rushed but

We so badly wanted to touch

Needing to touch eachother in a non sexual way

I need to figure out the word and feeling

Because I've felt it again

After with someone else

It's like a need

Like an irresistible urge or desire

Like I just needed to touch you

Like a special touch from that special person

It means and feels a lot different than any other person

Magical almost

it's the feeling you get when you think you've been so far apart

from that special person and you go totally crazy when

you're not near them

it's the unstoppable attraction

You get that allows you to believe you will do anything just to be with that person for that moment in time.

It's a craving

So that day we had hugged

And you whispered

'I really miss you nadia, And I l-li'

'Nadia we have to go'

I hugged you tighter and said

Goodbye

'Abraham totally likes you'

Does he?

I smiled

I felt it constantly

It was an important feeling because this was the first time since

Ruby

That I had felt it

So I was holding onto it

Tightly

We started doing that every day

And after third too

Angelina had computer lab

And you passed by every day

We'd hug

It was a nice feeling

One time your friends

were walking beside you

Or like in a ball

And I was walking with Giselle and Dani

Giselle was a little bigger but who cares

It's her temple

One of your friends pointed at her and said 'she's fat'

But it was so fucking mean in the moment

I saw you

you pulled him back

Told him it was wrong

And told him to walk away

We just kept walking

You mouthed you were so sorry

I was too

She didn't deserve that

I'm sorry Giselle.

There was a school dance

The only reason I got to stay

Was I lied and said I was in ASB

And had to help

I told my teacher if I could stay to help

She said yes

'Can you just call my mom and tell her?

'She won't believe me.'

Dial the number

So that day I had brought vodka

To school

In a Dasani water bottle

I had another filled with water

If anything I'd toss the real

And drink my water

I told you before first Period

'Smell this'

Miranda stood behind you like a lost puppy

I didn't like her

She liked you

I could tell

After I got there

You'd ignore her

I fucking loved that

Made her feeling like shit because

Of me

'What is that?'

Dani told you

'It's fucking vodka'

'Are you sure nadia? Just be careful'

'I will don't worry'

I whispered as I hugged you

I would sometimes drag my lips against your neck

Really fast but enough to hear your breathing falter

Or breathe on your neck to see the hairs rise

You checked on me after third

I was fine

A little tipsy

During lunch

You told Casey

he asked me for some

I said no

He asked to smell I let him

I kept drinking it

School ended and I went to help with the dance

I finished most of the bottle

My belly started to hurt

I told you

You told me to eat

But you demanded I eat

It was hot

You telling me what to do

I did

You told me to give you the bottle and you'd handle it

'Thank you daddy'

'I'll take care of you mija'

We just hung out and talked

You kept staring at my boobs

Well damn church boy are you looking into my soul?

Or at my chest?

You had your hand around my waist

You'd squeeze

Now was that a very church boy thing to do?

Fuck yes it was

Days passed and I think her name was

Valeria

she liked you

You told me

She told me

'What kind of guys do you like?'

'I like guys with dimples'

I could see you

You were eavesdropping

I knew you had dimples

'Abraham has dimples'

'What'd you say Nadia?

'I think guys with dimples are adorable'

'Oh my gosh Abraham do you have dimples?'

he was smiling so they would pop out

'Yeah I do'

'That's so cute, they suit you. I like them. Makes you Look really cute'

You blushed

Valeria turned around

So did I

There was this one day

I usually went out the front gate

But on that day my brother

Would be late

So we walked around

To the back one

I saw you

You hugged Miranda

I could care less

Honestly

Your face

When you saw me

You were like shocked and it held terror

Why?

I was talking to my group

We barley were paying attention

'Nadia? You usually go out the front gate.'

Sorry what?

You know my routine or something?

Like I said weird

'Yeah I usually do'

You hugged me

I didn't want a hug

You acted like you cheated on me

Maybe you really did like me

I didn't wanna believe it

I told Dani a little about Alex that day

It felt good

Those were a few stories from then

Thank god right before I got dress coded you gave me your snap

I hadn't made one yet

But I had yours

You also gave me your number

After I got taken out of that school

We started talking on an insane level

All day everyday

Asking questions

I still so badly wanted to taint you

'Let's play truth or dare'

'Naughty or nice'

'Naughty?'

We'll just do mix

Sexual questions

I asked them

You asked a few

I still called you daddy

I sent you a boob pic

Your innocence

Was it innocence?

Because you asked me to send more

You started wanting to play more and more

I never complained

Anyway we lost touch after a while

And I found the paper you wrote your number on

'Hey is this Abraham?'

'Yeah who is this?'

'Guess'

I said my name

You didn't believe me

'What's my nickname for you then?'

Mija

'Why did you start calling me step daddy?'

You said you fucked my mom

'It really is you?'

'I missed you so much nadia'

I did too

Keep in mind this is around Christmas

He didn't celebrate

Send me a picture of you

I sent this one

'Wow you changed alot'

'You're gorgeous'

'Thank you daddy'

'Your eyes are blue?'

'No silly those are contacts'

We played truth or dare

Again

And again

On New Years

After we went to Esequiel's family's house

We Went to my aunts, Liset

And then home

I was laying in bed

I told you I felt tingly

'Where?'

'Down there, you keep saying things that are turning me on'

So you started more and more

'Dadddy stop'

I told you I was touching myself

Just like Ruby taught me

You told me things you'd do if you were there with me

Things to me

You said you'd bend me over

Play and massage my ass

Kiss both of my Cheeks

And eat me out

Just to start

Where did my church boy go?

We went along with it

Til three am

We both fell asleep

After that it kept happening

'Send me pictures'

I got bored of it

You told me you had always liked me

The next day at a brunch at my grandmas

You kept texting me

Telling me I had to talk to you

That you were my daddy

You could tell me what to do

'I really can't'

You wouldn't stop

I muted our chat

We talked for a couple weeks

My mom got sick and went to the hospital

The boys were born by then

'Just go to the bathroom and take the pics'

I can't leave my brothers

When really I put them to sleep and my dad said I could go rest

It was suffocating

I don't like feeling suffocated

You didn't care that my mom was sick

You only cared about yourself

I didn't like this Abraham

Where's the church boy now?

Again we stopped talking for awhile

We started again after I moved

You got even worse

Like so clingy and 'dominant?'

Thinking you could push me around

Tell me what to do

It was annoying

Like that's what I want?

Nope

Especially if I said I didn't want to

If I said no Previously

It wasn't cute at the time

It still isn't

If that was supposedly a

Daddy Dom/ Sub relationship

You had the whole thing confused

That's not how a relationship like that works

It works on trust

You had to look out for me

And do things for my best interests

To keep me safe

But all you wanted was to try and boss me around

For your own pleasure

After using every excuse in the book

You still didn't realize I didn't want to talk

And it's not like I could ignore you

Or you'd start calling

And blowing up my phone

I guess later on you opened your snap again

You sent me a pic

The camera was facing your crotch

'Hey'

I didn't want this to start again

I blocked you

Everywhere

I would have dreams about you

Haunting dreams

You scared me that much

I felt so trapped

So small

So forced with you

I had nightmares

You're wrong for that

The dreams would repeat

And sometimes change

It would be me and Cayra

We were Back at that school

I needed to go to the bathroom

And you'd be there

You hit me

You forced me

To do things

Shoved me on my knees

Then you pulled me up and raped me

And sodomized me

The dreams would change and I'd be at a party

I saw Casey I mouthed help

You did it again there

You'd beat me

Choke me

I swear I could feel it

I'd wake up crying

That's what your 'dominant' Side did

Or the dream would shift and id be in bed

You do the same

I felt a loss of power and control

I was really scared

I know you couldn't do anything to me really

But I was still scared

You instilled fear in me

Over what

Cuz you were horny

Or you were a fake dom

It was wrong then and it's wrong now

I want to know

What made that justified?

What will or could ever make that okay?

Nothing

What I'm wanting to say goodbye to is the terror

If I'll think about him

I'll get nightmares again

I want to say goodbye to that

I don't know if that'll work

But maybe me talking about it

Saying goodbye wholeheartedly

Will make the fear go

Or at least help it

I can't stay in the same place

I need to try

I need to change.

If this doesn't work then I'll keep trying

I want to push all the bad in the past

Say goodbye and not have to think about it ever again

I'm saying goodbye to a third person from that school

Doesn't that say something ?

Is it the schools fault

Or their own?

It's their own.

Don't ever try to justify or make excuses for it

Those were their actions

Good bye Abraham

You constantly scared me

It was degrading

And I felt a loss of control

A loss of well of myself

Yeah there was some good in the relationship

But you can't over look the bad

If there's so much bad that it over powers the good then

What's the point?

Let it go.

I'm trying to let go of the pain

Of it all

I don't want to live in fear

So I'll say goodbye to you now

And forever

2640 words

There doesn't have to be actual physical abuse or anything

If you feel it you can't explain it

I searched it up it's called 'small t trauma'

Don't ever let anyone tell you your pain is invalid or

Because nothing really happened it shouldn't bother you

If you're scared of someone and their making you feel so small

Have repeated nightmares

Or Whatever it may be

It's real

Try and distance yourself

I added a photo of myself i here

Goodbye for now

-Nadia

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