A Series Of Goodbyes

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Cinco/// Inhumane

I mentioned you before

In Cayras Good Bye letter

I briefly went over what happened

But now we're talking about what you did to me

Hello dearest Charlene.

Let's go back to Eighth Grade

This was after I got my new hair cut

After I wasn't going to return

Oh well I did

I knew a few people at this school

Not as many at the other but that's fine

You were nice

Enough

We had briefly talked

You always complimented me

I'd say a few in return

You were best friends with Yasmine

A few weeks passed and we started talking a lot more

We had a lot in common

Your birthday was five days before mine

I always seem to attract girls like that

You told me you and Yasmine were having problems

That she was being annoying

At the time I hung out with a few girls

Maybe three or four

You guys had a fight and stopped talking

You were sad

I was there

I hugged you and said it'll be okay

After that we instantly started to get closer

We called each other best friend

A lot of guys liked us

I'm not being cocky

I'm telling it like it was

I was not the same person I am now

I was toxic in so many ways

We both decided we would lead guys on

Then cut them off and ignore them

It was a disgusting thing to do

So weeks went on with that

And for some reason these girls

Angelita and Paulina didn't like you

And I was your 'best friend'

So in turn they didn't like me

You had problems with a lot of people

So, now I did too

We wouldn't eat lunch

Or breakfast

We made the excuse that the cafeteria was filthy

This was my second peak

My eating disorder I mean

I'd starve all day

Mostly everyday

There was this one day

You made a complete fool out of yourself

This is how the day went

After lunch we had math

We sat near the same table

You had a lone seat and I was sitting facing your back

You mouthed that you were extremely horny

Okay?

Now here's the thing you didn't know about Ruby

You thought I was straight.

You left for the bathroom and came back

You spread your legs

started grinding

On the seat

For most of the period

Next period I didn't have with you

But last we had a substitute

You started again you sat Behind me now

So remember those girls?

Angelita and Paulina

Well their friends didn't like you either

Julian and Saul

But at this time you were making sure everyone knew

You wanted attention

All the damn time

Whether it be good or bad

So this was said

'I want that one'

And you pointed at Saul

You told someone to tell him

I just turned away

I told you countless times to stop

I was disgusted

Shocking right?

Not every Person who likes the same sex

Likes every single same sex person

He turned around since that's what you asked

And made the same face i was

Pure disgust

Anyway what can I say now

He added me on snap that day

We started talking I guess

Well I mean here's the thing we talked before

I started hanging with you

People said I changed

Maybe I did

They would make fun of you

In ways no one could tell

One day they said something like

Cankle Party

'Why do you guys say that?'

'Should we tell her?'

'You can't tell anyone'

'Okay'

They pointed at you

She had cankles

I'll admit I laughed

Not an insane one

Just like those puff of air laughs

I shook my head and turned around

I didn't tell anyone

We were always hanging out

You would always compare us

God dammit

I don't look like every person I hang out with

You would ask what I was gonna wear

And always try and match me

That's fucking weird

Be your own self

We got our nails done together

They were cute

You posted in on your snap

A few weeks passed

And one day the teachers were protesting

They demanded more pay

So it was chaos

I think only 7 actual teachers showed

So we were watching movies all day

And we were walking around a lot

That day I went to the gym

I sat down and this guy sat next to me

He was hot

He had green eyes

And he was funny

Like out of nowhere tho

He started talking to me

Okay... won't complain

I think my stomach was hurting

I was hunched over

He asked what was wrong

'My belly hurts'

'I fucked you too hard last night?'

'No I like it rough'

I just met him

Not even twenty minutes before

Jada sat next to me

She was a friend

She was pretty

We all started talking

I can't remember what

But after we sat and started talking about weed

I hadn't noticed

You left early

His name was Juan

We got up to hang out by the benches

Smack

This fucker

He smacked my ass hard

And grabbed it even harder

He was still latched onto me

'Ha ha funny get off me'

I told you I liked him

Then I found out you went to his house and asked him out

A few days after

Whatever it's fine

So a couple days pass

You guys had started calling me a prude

Saying I was a nun

Taunting me because I wasn't dating anyone

It went on for like a week

All day everyday

You got the whole group and even people I didn't know to say it

I started getting annoyed

Pissed really

I remember it was a Saturday when I did this

Oh yeah?

I'm a fucking prude?

I clicked on his contact

Started flirting with him

We both started

I didn't care

I sent a boob pic

This went on all weekend

Monday we had an off day and I told you what I did

Wednesday

I had to rub it in

I don't take disrespect well

I get impulsive

I ache to prove people wrong

Not so fucking prude now

Your little boyfriend

Yeah well he didn't tell me to stop not once

Kept telling me to go on

To tell him what I would've wanted

him to do to me

He told me what he wanted soon after

You started crying

What's wrong Charlene?

You didn't like it?

Am I still a prude?

No?

Thought so.

That day during the period we didn't have together

You went to the counselors office

You 'cried'

You told the lady I was a heavy drug user

You told her I was sleeping with a new seventeen year old

Every day.

You said I was sending nudes to guys all over school

And my last school

The next day

You were crying

Telling Angelita and Paulina

You were so sad

I was being used

The would 'take turns fucking me'

That's really fucking weird

Since I'm a fucking Virgin

Don't you think?

They called me to the office

Did a back pack check

That was so degrading

The security lady was touching and messing up all my stuff

They found nothing

I told them they'd find nothing

I was a Straight A student

When I came back

You told Paul

This guy I was toying with

You said I was being raped

He was crying

He was a football player

And he was crying

For me?

None of it happened

I hugged him

During third he asked if I was okay

If it was true

'If what was true? Why were you crying'

'Charlene told me about the seventeen year olds'

'They we're forcing you to have sex with them'

Pure confusion

And shock

I couldn't breathe

I couldn't hear

My throat felt tight

My hands started shaking

I thought they just did a back pack search

My eyes yearned to release

'What did you say?'

The next period they called me to the office

My dad was there

He had that look

I had purposely left my bag just in case

I walked back to class

I had to leave

I said good bye to some of my friends

There was this other guy I liked

He had the same name I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek

Fuck it right?

The drive home was silent

They took me out of school.

My dad left

I was alone

He came back drunk

I was scared

Really fucking scared

He said he wouldn't hit me

I'd just have to own up to what I did

I told him the only thing I did was sent the picture

He nodded and dismissed me

No belt?

No bruises

Oh okay

My punished was not going to school anymore

I had to stay home and maintain it

I had to cook

And I had to watch my pregnant mom

I had to go back a bit to tell you her story

I had to pee in a cup right in front of my moms

Hateful judging eyes

It was October now

They took all electronics from me

So I had no one to talk to

Forced into isolation

Forced to cook and clean

And now attend doctors appointments

And watch my mom

Who had to stay in bed rest

I got severely depressed

Again

My parents kept making remarks

Calling me a whore

And prostitute

'Are you a play boy model or something Nadia?'

For months

The boys were born

November 1st

I hadn't spoken to anyone

Let's skip a year

You said you forgave me?

You literally had me forced into isolation

And they slut shamed for months

Oh wow I forgot

You were texting my mom

Telling her lies

Things I'd done

The day after you told the counselor

When they we're all lies

I didn't do any of that

I didn't deserve this

I was furious

When you're isolated

All you have are your thoughts

I would never leave the house

I mean for like a year straight

It was worse than a whipping

I've talked to you now

Briefly

You started the hard core drugs

You insinuated I did

So yeah when I had the chance to rub Paul in your face

I did

Oh yeah

And you dated him

Again weird

This all started with you

Trying to get a rise out of me

It worked

But you did the most inhuman thing

You ruined a year of my life

My parents still use it against me

They have this rule if you don't have a boyfriend all throughout living in their house

You get a car

I brought that up

' You have, remember topsy turby'

So even now you've wrecked shit in my life

It's in the past

I know

But I'm still mad

You ruined a lot of opportunities for me

Hateful

Is what you were

Good bye Charlene

I don't understand why you did it.

Any of it

Yeah I know I tried to get back at you

But I never did anything to you

Not before it all

Why?

I deserve to know.

1888 words

I don't claim to be innocent

No, Not at all

I never once have

I'm just trying to tell this story

My Story

My Series Of Goodbyes

I don't know how I survived this

But I did

I lived it all

This was my life

For months

Years

I told Charlene and Cayra to make a Wattpad about a year ago

I have them added to a snap chat private story

I added a picture of my book there

If they were to read it

I'm sure they'd say these were lies

But they're not

That's not what I'm here for

I'm writing this for myself

And to possibly help someone in the process

I don't have time for lies

Or anything

I'm moving on.

Good bye for now

-Nadia

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