I was drunk yesterday
And many times in the past week
Every date a new guy
I swipe and swipe and swipe
I have no fucking idea what I’m looking for.
This week twice I woke up hugging the toilet bowl
Another morning I woke up naked on the cold bathroom tiles.
And every time I get home smashed
I rush past my dad, barely acknowledging him,
Because I don’t want to see disappointment on his face
Seeing me get so wasted and
once again I am disgusted with myself.
I was drunk yesterday, and
I went out with someone new.
We drank and drank and drank… No,
I drank and drank and drank.
Couldn’t walk straight and don’t I know it
I’m relying on the help of strangers to get home safe.
But I was drunk yesterday and someone new tried to get me to stay.
He pulled me to a pillar and tried to kiss my face.
He held on to my ass and grabbed my waist.
Moved his other hand lower and tried to touch me
While I kept saying no, no, not today.
I pushed his hands away.
But I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t stand straight.
I am thankful that we were in an open space
Because I’m sure as hell he wouldn’t have put me into the cab alone if
We were in an isolated place.
I was on the cab home but
I am disgusted with myself again.
I still don’t know what I’m looking for,
And I don’t think I’m going to find it.
But why dwell on it? So I guess
I am going to get drunk again.
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