Chapter 13 – Carla and Pedro Talk about their Marriage
(The Governor has obtained the approval from England to allow Ivan to bring officially the gold to the Russian nun. Pedro and Carla started to talk in their bedroom.)
''Your concern for life and health means more than the pleasure to have
Expensive jewelry; '' ''Can you explain the new conclusion
About our family future to me? '' '' Well, when glaciers calve,
They become slowly icebergs- nothing else but pure delusion.
Beatrice knows me better than you; with you I live
A lifetime of conservative thinking; '' ''make me understand
Your relationship with her, when you love and forgive.
Being catholic, you must give up your sins, at the Lord's
(...said Carla. Pedro was seemingly not listening to her. He said,)
''I've visited New Spain to understand its reality.
I get back home to make the change; '' ''It seems that the Indian
People have changed your thinking; I predict a fatality.
It's just a different culture to be trapped in our oblivion.''
''Life, in its essence, is guided by the same principles.''
''You could learn from the Turks as well as you have learned from
The Indians to keep your thinking invincible
At least, the Turks are civilized; I think their time will come.''
''The civilization is created; the Indians keep
Their unspoiled ideas far away from the vices of
The society; Turks always need their wonders on the deep
And some unique ideas coming from above
To change something in the evolutionary sense.
Though you have been in New Spain you couldn't concretely
Differentiate the old world from the new world and, thence
You couldn't understand Geraldine's origin; discretely
You cannot understand the fundamental meaning
Of the life change; this is the cause of our separation.
''I feel abandoned in our family; while educating
Our children you leave them to come back with a new conception.
You're an individualist to fight against me; your fight
Is fierce and I feel like I'm thwarted and defeated
Until losing balance, until the devils mock my sight,
And until I can no longer resist while I need to be needed.
That's why I got sick; '' '' Beatrice is, in fact, my life partner,
But I have to divide my time between her and our children.
It seems that my responsibility as a father
Made me turn back home and visit New Spain, which is bewildering.''
(Replied Pedro. Carla stopped talking for a few minutes, then she continued,)
''Bella said that no one can separate that oath that was made
In the Church and reinforced by a lifelong contract.
Miguel said that the marriage purpose is to get the highest grade
Of awareness to infer the consciousness abstract
Meaning and to have a high moral identity.
The evolution of the moral conscience leads to developing
The moral identity, but we may call it, for brevity,
A concept of consciousness in the communion of feelings.’’
''It seems that we have passed this moment, and therefore I want
To change, but in a different way from Descartes, who tried
To reconcile, using a dualistic way to get in sync,
The idealism with the materialism when they collide.
You have a dual concept of love and an internal
Contradiction between the spiritual love and the body
Sensibility; the pulse of your thinking depends on
Your soul moods; it should be vice versa; you love nobody.''
(Carla continued to talk with Pedro in their bedroom. Carla said,)
''I thought that our communion will change me in better, ''
''What changes can you make in your thoughts and actions? This subject
Sickens me, '' ''Beatrice is like you and I'm gonna let her
Marry you; I intend to divorce; I feel like a reject.
It's wise to end our loveless marriage, '' '' our home will change because
You choose to change it; you have a kind of self-confidence,
Which is not good while I feel your strong attraction to me,
And your possessiveness hurts me; do you see the consequence? ''
(Concluded Pedro. She replied,)
''Sometimes, you're too passive and melancholic, '' ''I'm depressed.
You created an air of mystery; you keep your secrets
Bottled up inside and hidden from me; '' ''I do my best.''
''You don't take responsibility though you have regrets.
You are patient, and you take yourself too seriously.''
''The first thing Beatrice wanted to do was to make
Our tension go along with our life; she loves you dangerously.
I had to overcome the conflicts hoping that you would awake.
I did all my best while trying to balance everything
We've got to live a happy family life, '' ''you cannot
Maintain your emotional balance, '' '' well, love is all or nothing.''
To achieve stability, in all your charm I have been caught, ’’
(Pedro replied. Carla said,)
''The woman must have equal chances as the man has
To communicate with God; much more, she needs some education
To understand the experience of her man, whereas
The man must understand his wife; '' '' you dance over separation.
The result is a lack of harmony in our relationship
Affecting our communication and leading to this
Moral misery; I could see what happened on the ship
Between you and Miguel, '' ''what happened? '' '' Does he know how to kiss? ''
''Bella's relationship with God was too intimate and quite
Strange motivating Miguel to have platonic relationships
With other women.'' He smiled, '' you're unfit to be his mate.
Bella was a decent wife not needing lovers on the ships.
The bride of Christ is a believer of the Christian Church.
Miguel suffered because she couldn't give birth to another
Child; he's your victim, and you must be ashamed at the smirch
Of flirting with other men in front of me; you're a mother!
She advised me to stop being ignorant, but I've told her that
For me, it was very important to make my personal
Dreams come true; '' '' those cures weakened her to fall down like a brat.''
''While playing the violin, she felt so emotional.''
''Her arms were sensitized, and she felt the deep touch
Of the Medusa while being scared because she couldn't swim.''
''They didn't feel the danger though they loved each other so much, ''
''Maybe she wanted her own death, '' ''she was so graceful and slim.''
When we cross this line between friendship and hostility,
We need a lot of attraction to save our marriage
And to compensate for what's lost; a betrayal facility,
Thus, is created; '' '' Miguel says that something to disparage
Is the contradiction between spouses, which can be useful
When your partner becomes a thought of your consciousness
Evolving in meditation; our passion of love is truthful,
When we understand the things that are discrepant or less
Familiar; Miguel suggests that the idea about
The perfection can be continued in another marriage,
Which can be performed after the divorce; ’’ ‘’ Bella said that, no doubt,
These tensions being teased by some sex led to zero and disparage.
(Replied Pedro. He continued,)
Miguel and Bella needed each other's opinion
Without expressing any certain aspect of their
Divergent thinking; Miguel could hold dominion
Over your heart because you were vulnerable and too fair.
You took care of your beauty to maintain this attraction,
In our relationship, but your beauty caught his attention,
Because Bella didn't give him too much satisfaction.''
''Her love was based on sense and sensibility rather than
Reason and emotion; ’’ ‘’you've made an effort to have a precise
Grace; you use flowers for your body bath while poetry can clean
Your soul; you eat less and move more than others; so, take this advice
And be natural like Eve; you know what I mean.''
(Replied Pedro. Carla replied,)
''I wanted to prevent this tragic end- the infidelity.
Miguel told me that we had never been together as soulmates
While you had thought that my ideas had meant the absurdity
Of the perfectionism; '' '' you pushed me to the betrayal gates
In order to separate me from Beatrice; every time
I left home, you were wondering if I would do this or not.''
''Our marriage was approved by God; from children we hear His chime,
And your relationship with Beatrice will come to naught.
Miguel was better than you because he chose a platonic
Way to betray his wife; I've just been humiliated
While negotiating my love with Beatrice; so chronic
Were her manners to discourage me, but I've communicated
With you against odds; Miguel had been in search for other
Soulmates; Then, he could admire Bella; God didn't give them
Kids but they didn't divorce 'cause she wanted to be a mother.
In an impure marriage, there's a betrayal I can't condemn.’’
'' The sin is the occasion for grace while bringing repentance, ''
'' The sin can only diminish this hope to comprehend
Our Lord while we can return to the position of acceptance
Through the pure procreation; without name or end
Is the suffering of our children, and they are innocent;
I lost the idea of perfection while you were living
In sin; the darkness led you to self-destruction; now, ignorant
While living in anger and passion, you need His forgiving.
Being like Bella, I have chosen the human sacrifice.''
''This perfectionism is an illusion and, in reality,
We die all; we are all sinners to give up the paradise.
On Earth, to find the original perfection is a fantasy.
We can't be rescued. I prefer the peace of my mind
To this fight for salvation; I prefer an ephemeral,
Pleasant life instead of it; '' I understand that you're still blind.
That's why I have a deep relationship with Christ, in general.
I'm forced to accompany you in an aimless journey-
A vagrancy; you forced me to accept this new reality
That would change my destiny; the devil is your attorney.''
'' A need for a sinful freedom lies in your normality.
You end up ignoring the devil in front of death.
Don't forget that you stay in a haunted house; '' ''I'm searching
For some viable solutions and for the heaven's breath.''
To be a mother is a reality; I'm fighting
To save my family; '' ''your moral awareness leads
To unhappiness and anger; '' ''you provoke me to fight
To keep you while using sarcasm to banish all my needs.''
''This method keeps my rivals at bay; '' '' you insult me despite
My faithfulness; you use this jealousy to make me love you
Unconditionally; '' '' Christianity can't bring the man
To the initial Eden; so, love me as I am, though
I'm not your Adam, Eve! '' ''Pedro, I am your woman! ''
(He embraced her and started to make love with her after so many years.)