This is the Real Me

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Anger.

Just got out of physical education.

I felt like I was dying so I was wheezing.

My ex, or as you know her, Sena, asked if I was okay.

This made me furious.

"You stopped caring about me a long time ago. You lost that privilege a months ago."

The entire locker room grew silent.

Everyone stared.

Sena just stood there.

Frozen.

The coach came out and asked me if I was okay.

She said I shouldn't yell.

I didn't try to yell.

But I would defend myself any day.

Of course, this is reality.

If I speak up, I'll get suspended or expelled.

So I said, "My stomach hurts."

In my little world,

My fantasy,

I yelled at her.

"Well, no. I'm not.

Just because I can't do 146 high jumps in one minute, you're threatening to cancel the swimming party for the entire class.

But hey, at least I can find the area of a circle.

My grades are dropping and everyone is mad at me and calling me a failure.

But hey, at least I can run a mile in 15 minutes.

Every day, I pray to God he'll end my life and take me out of my misery.

But hey, at least I can write a thesis statement.

When I get home, I sharpen my wrist and cook my leg.

But hey, I can type 35 words in a minute with 99% accuracy.

I spend my entire day doing homework and late assignments, leaving no room for sleep.

But hey, my grades are finally a C or above.

I skip meals and take antidepressants but at least I know I can just "karaoke my thoughts" and I won't be depressed!"

I get sad and people try to fix me but what if I want to let out my anger and have a mental breakdown?

What if I need an outlet, and I'm a nice person, so that outlet is me?

I want to get better.

Believe me.

I just don't want people to treat me like I have a disease that'll go away quickly.

Let me let out my anger.

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