Him

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Him. (Part II)

-Poems written to/about h.i.m.-


Untitled

Your cashmere brown sweater

Sitting by my window

Forgotten

Your sweater

And me

You didn’t look back

You didn’t question your actions

You didn’t care about me

So I will keep your sweater

And the pain you caused me

-unwanted memories


Life Sucks

It’s painful to like someone but they don’t like you back. Or perhaps they did have feelings for you but they disappeared because they were insignificant. Or maybe because you weren’t fast enough. You didn’t take the opportunity that was given to you and thus you suffer. It pains me when he’s a dick to me and I still like him. It tortures me that he treats me like shit and I still want him. It’s agonizing when he’s an asshole and I still want him to hold me in his arms. It hurts to see him walk away with another girl. It brings me great misery when they hold hands when I want my hand to take her place. It’s hard being in the position of the broken-hearted one. I always told myself I wouldn’t get caught up with some boy and dream about him, but here I am. Life sucks.



A boy

Your name

The color of your pigment

The way of your walk

And your talk

Your low voice

The wide smile you shine for all to see

The chisel of your jawline

Your eyes

I always blush looking into

Your style

You can’t show it

But I see it

I see your heart

Larger than life itself

Or so I thought

Your concern for others’ well-being

With the exception of mine

You show no interest

No effort

I try to be social with you

But I am a child

I have no experience

Only the red of my checks

And the quickening of my heart

When you grow near

I will continue to try

But only if you mirror my actions

Otherwise

I will cease my urge

To be close to you

And reject

My feelings for you

-do you like me or not


Youth

We met when we were young

Our lives a cliché movie

We were complete opposites

He was black I was white

He was the day I was the night

He lit up the room as he entered,

Whereas the light always grew dim as I neared

I had felt alone

But he convinced me I was not

That he would always be there for me

He was the ocean

And I only increased his volume

For not even Moses could part us

He was the key to my lock

I was unable to hide things from him

He saw right through me as if my outer shell was transparent

Though my smile always contributed to his ‘mind reading’ ability

We were good

And life was alright

-what everyone wants


Friends?

She took him from me!

She ripped him out of my arms!

It was easy for her to take him--

I didn’t fight her.

I didn’t cry;

It was like taking candy from a baby.

But now,

I am flooded with emotions:

feelings of remorse and anger at my friend and my boy.

We used to be best friends.

Me and her against the world.

I guess I never noticed

the way she looked

at my boyfriend,

the one I loved.

I never noticed the way

they gazed into

each other’s eyes.

They left me

in their dust.

They didn’t care what I thought

or how I would feel,

they just left-

together.

So now,

I am without a best friend

and without the one I love.

He left.

Without looking back.

She grabbed him and called him to follow,

and he did,

without hesitation.

I am,

simply,

alone.

Maybe I escaped a bad relationship.

Maybe I saved myself from the future pain and tears I would shed.

What friend wishes misery upon you?

She claimed she was my friend,

but that was a bitter lie.

All I know is that she,

that girl,

betrayed me.

She knew what she did.

She didn’t have anything

that would

affect her ability

to understand what

she was doing.

I want her to see that actions

have consequences;

HER actions have consequences.

She is not immune,

at least not anymore.

She said she was sorry,

That he made a move on her.

She made me feel guilty;

That it was my fault.

Is she blameless?

Am I at fault?

Maybe I am overreacting.

Maybe I didn’t give him enough love.

I refused to do things with him

I had no desire to do.

Perhaps that is why.

Was I lucky to have her?

-the fault is at both of their feet

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