Him. (Part III)
-Poems written to/about h.i.m.-
‘Others’ ‘grabbed’ ‘across’ ‘the’ ‘even’ ‘looking’ ‘brim’
He grabbed me by the hand
Looking at me
With his soft green eyes
Reminding me of the place we first met
The brim of his hat
Shielding him from the sun
And protecting his innocence
Across the room
My parents watched
Of the names, I was not aware
Gasped and ‘aw-ed’
He opened his mouth
And spoke those four words
My heart fluttered
With my breath under control and even
I allowed the words to escape
-seven random words, transformed into a story
Do you enjoy watching me in pain or do you enjoy the attention my embarrassment bring you? I don’t know you anymore. I wanted to know you, your aspirations and likes, but you had other plans. So now I lie in my bed, my wrists aching, while you enjoy your life. My heart hurts. I’ve made one mistake after another, mostly revolving around my stupidity, the stupidity to open upon and share my feelings and writing. But I won’t make any more mistakes, for you can’t mess up if you aren’t alive to do so.
Unscathed vs. Scathed
Are you satisfied?
Are you happy?
Have you gotten what you desired?
You think only of yourself.
But what about me?
How do I feel?
So while you are showing them and laughing
at my feelings,
and look at your wrists,
the skin unbroken and tan.
look at mine,
broken and red.
look back at yourself and what you have caused.
-it is your fault, but it is also mine
I just want to forget,
forget the events that have transpired these past few days;
My brain does not desire to hold onto them.
Its countenance grows sadder with each passing day.
I wish to be content but am unable to do so
with the immense weight of this guilt.
take it away.
The Permanent Sabbatical
Why did you leave me?
Why did you leave?
The air doesn’t smell as it did
when you were alive.
Why did you leave me?
Food doesn’t taste as it did
when you weren’t deceased.
Why did you leave me?!
My ears ache desperately
for the sound of your voice.
My hands quiver for the feeling
of your skin.
My eyes cry without end,
until I have no tears left to shed,
for the sight of your brown eyes.
My mouth goes dry for the taste
of your lips,
leaving my tongue to search for another
to play with.
My nose runs dry for the smell
of your hair.
Why did you have to leave?!
Why did you have to get into that car and drive?
Blood and Bruises
The stain above your lips
after weeks since its first appearance.
The limp in your walk-
I caused the damage,
it was my doing,
as was the stain
and your inability to be touched without flinching.
I inflicted the memories and the PTSD
I was the cause of your pain,
I admit it.
But I still love you.
It will never happen again.
-never stay in an abusive relationship. always reach out to family or even the police.
If I send you a letter full of my feelings of love,
will you open yourself to me in return?
Will you declare your love or hate for me;
that I am or am not worthy of your love?
Will you answer me or is the letter not worth
my time and energy,
my heart and soul,
my tears and sighs?
Shall I introduce my pen to the paper
or shall I throw both away,
never to be seen or touched again?
Shall I send this to you?
I need answers but what of that?
What if your romantic feelings for me are nonexistent,
that would damage more of me than you know.
but finds light
at the end of a dark tunnel
there he stands
designed with brown hair
a sharp jaw
paired with soft eyes and open arms
feels warmth and happiness by his side
he give her life and shines light
on her dark life
-he turned out to be a douchebag