The Musings of a Dark Mind

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One Slice at a Time

Life is an interesting thing.

We are all simply the sum total of all the events that have happened to us, because of us and for us.

My people.

I have few, but they are worth their weight in gold.

The thing’s we’ve done, the things we’ve been through; they aren’t the sort of things that destroy you in an instant. No.

Trials of such incredible force. Persecutions totalling sentancing of near death.

There’s no instant fall from grace in our lifes trials. No cataclysmic eruption into a breakdown. No instant gratification of failure. No quick ending to the bitter joke that simply continues.

The hardest things in life don’t destroy you quickly, they cut you away in little slices, one very small slice at a time.

Slowly.

Painfully.

You don’t notice that a slice of you is gone. You don’t notice the pain of it. Not until it’s too late, until you’ve lost so much of yourself that you don’t even know who you are anymore.

We slowly let ourselves be destroyed.

We slowly destroy ourselves.

Until one day we look inside and see we have nothing left. It could take years sometimes, but still, there is nothing left but a battered, scared and tormented soul of a once so beautiful person.

Screaming for salvation.

Screaming in agony of what was, and what is.

We push so hard that we don’t even notice what we’ve lost.

The child who yearned to love and live. The teenager who craved inspiration and experience. The young adult who wanted to see the world and change the terribke things. They are all gone. Nothing but pain, death and depression are left in their wake.

We are nothing but a broken, naked soul screaming desperately to just survive.

Begging.

Pleading.

And so we hibernate.

We cut off the world we have given so much to. We cut off from the people that love us. And we cut out the last remaining pieces of the life that we can no longer carry from within us. Discarding it into the black void where the demons are born.

And so we rebuild.

One slice at a time we heal, and put ourselves back together, with walls and barriers so high that even those with the purest intentions cannot penetrate our defenses.

We need time.

We require patience.

We know we aren’t easy to love. Or even be friends with. Our self destructive tendancies still seem to overrule us at the worst possible times.

The walls we build up around ourselves aren’t there to keep everyone out, but to protect those we choose to let in. You must understand the responsibility and depth of the situation if we let you in, for we do not do so lightly.

So please understand, our defenses are simply there so we don’t end up like we once did. Because rebuilding yourself is one of the hardest things a human can ever do.

Especially alone.

We are the strongest creatures you could ever meet. We will overthrow the dictators of our lives. We will move mountains. We will complete the missions we set ourselves. Because we have conquered more. Much more.

Understand this; we came from nothing, because we fought for it. And we are the masters of our own destiny.

Go ahead and tell us we can’t do something, it’s the best way to prove you wrong.

We can.

We will.

Because you will find...

We already have.

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