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Journey of metanoia

When I think about my life,

I can only think about the misery, pain, and grief.

I can’t remember a single happy memory.

It is in the past,

But it still affects my present and future.

It has made be the person I am today.

A Solivagant,

Is how I would describe myself,

A solitary adventurer,

Looking for a purpose,

Which will bring me happiness, hope, and love.

I may not be worthy of it,

Like the others say but,

I can’t help but be overwhelmed by the feeling of proving them wrong,

Because when I look in the mirror,

I see the person who has faced the hardships of life,

Who has managed to ride the waves of vicious intentions,

And has grown as a person who has the greatest capacity of love.

There will be times when I will have to face the rage of the world,

There will be times where it tests me, threatens me, enrages me, and breaks me,

But I will take those broken pieces,

And fix myself again.

There will be times where I won’t know what to do,

So, I will stay on the shore,

And look from afar,

And I will watch the raging war.

When it ends,

I will cry with rain,

Cry for the loss of things that we could have been or could have been done.

I will cry until,

The thunder puts me to sleep.

When I wake up in the morning,

My nose will be filled with the scent of petrichor,

Relaxing my mind,

Telling me it is time for a new beginning.

As I travel again,

The sillage of the wounds you caused me will disappear,

The quiddity of toxic feelings will evaporate,

And the fear you rooted in me will wilt away.

This will happen not just for me,

But for all the broken ones, the hidden people and those who feel pretty ugly,

When we will remove our masks of an eccedentesiast,

And finally, breathe.

We will still have trust issues and suffer from atelophobia,

But at the very least we won’t lose ourselves because we didn’t meet your expectations.

You can always share and entertain people with your lies,

For your own satisfaction,

But do not expect any reaction from me,

Because I don’t care anymore.

I am no longer finifugal,

And I am extremely glad we ended,

Because losing you helped find me,

And losing me destroyed you.

For the first time in a while,

I love myself and feel free,

Because the symphonies are finally healing me.

I have finally realized that life isn’t about hiding bruises,

It is about showing your scars of vulnerability,

And taking that courage to start the journey of metanoia,

In order to stop surviving and start living.


1. Petrichor- Scent of rain.

2.Sillage – Impression made in space after someone or something has gone away

3.Quiddity- Essence of something

4.Metanoia - The journey of changing one’s, mind, heart, self, or way of life.

That’s it, my dear readers! Viatrix has finally ended. The next chapter is going to be an author's note. Thank you for reading Viatrix.

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