Flash Poet

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Otaku Past


Have you ever
Been so determined to
Hold on to something dear
That it just made everyone else
That much more determined
To tear it away from you?

I put up such a strong fight
Using logic, sympathy, desperation
Anything I could think of
To keep my solace
One of the few methods I had
To cope with life

I used to keep a diary
Until it was traded
For amnesty with the queen
Hidden, written in code
Kept under lock and key
It was still overtaken

I used to listen to music non-stop
But a joined effort from authorities
And my monarchy constricted
The time I was allowed to listen
And the content that was deemed ‘healthy’
Despite that they really did help me breathe

I used to stay up all night
Many a times just
Talking to my queen
But sadly there came a day
When she welcomed a new king
And from frequently it dropped to sulking

I used to read and read and read
Soaking in the words I longed to hear
The words I searched to feel
The words I knew would be me someday
If only I could keep absorbing them each day
Until I was banned, restricted, punished

I used to play with Barbies up to the age of 14
They allowed me to reenact scenes
That weighed on me heavily
Showed me the different viewpoints
Allowed me to imagine the best case scenario
Taught me what was wrong and how to fix it

But there came a day for each of them
My treasures each held captive
No escapes were left available
Flight or Fight for what keeps me sane
And I lost each of their battles
All for society’s selfish game of images

Diaries were never mine alone
And I should either get used to it
Or stop using them entirely
Music was an interpretation of the listener
Unless it wasn’t age appropriate
Or could be looked down upon by others

Sharing my thoughts and feelings with my queen
Is only to be expected, and commended
Except when it was out of line for my position
Reading was to be used for learning
To keep out of trouble and boost society
Not escape in fantasy or take precedence

Barbies are for children doesn’t matter the use
Fashion design? Hairstylist? Use a mannequin
I will never consider you to be maturing otherwise
One by one and two by two
I watched all of my coping methods
Become tainted and ruined

The aftermath left me desolate
Withdrawn and empty
The perfect doll who aims to please
If a crack were to be seen in my performance
Then admonishment and disappointment followed
Wounding me even further

So I took to creating my own friends
4 imaginary children, and Casper the friendly ghost
I communicated through thoughts
And the abstractness of my art
Give whatever excuse lets me free
But you denied your chance of ever understanding me

I had always
Been so determined to
Hold on to my treasures dear
Yet everyone else dictated
What they wanted me to fear
But after the legal age was past

I gathered all my forgotten desires
And now I sit on an empty throne
Laying down the groundwork
For when Casper is signaled to open the gates
So I can welcome you into my new home
Everything ridiculed is the cornerstone

I will be the harbinger of my own future

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