Flash Poet

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Hiatus

What should I do? What should I do?
I know everyone's waiting for me right now
This is taking up way too much time
What happened to all of that talent I boasted
Or the parts where I declared that I could never stop
Right now I'm doing exactly what I said would kill me
Taking off days, weeks and months at a time
Not exactly being able to write a clear string of words
And often binging on the absence of it entirely

I know I've got the drive and somewhere, the focus
It's just; now doesn't feel like the right timing
For every two stories I ate, one would swell and trickle
Seeping out whether that be carefully paced or rushed
Though at the moment I just want to eat and eat
Keep reading stories, oneshots, fanfics, manga
Watching anime, YouTube, highlights, movies
Can't get enough input despite absorbing my environment
Evaluating my surroundings and padding them to my mind

Sooner or later I will be saturated and satisfied
But why is that taking so long? How do I hurry it up?
If I'm gone too long, what will happen to them
The ones I barely scraped together to call my readers
Will they lose interest and melt away to consume others?
Can't blame anyone else, because that is my exact method
Spending time elsewhere until it's time to circle back again
I don't want people to give up on me, I just got here
There's so much instore that I haven't had the chance to show off

There are series planned out, epilogues and continuations
Plots ready to fill in and take off, sidelined until I do them
Life itself takes a toll on my motivation
But no matter what, I still dream about what to say
How to showcase my excitement and dread for each story
So that my readers feel everything as I do when looking it over
It gives me goosebumps and thrills to see what I wrote
To watch it play out before hitting that incomplete mark
Trust me I groan at the cliff hanger all the same

And get pumped at where the story will take me next time
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it more than others will ever know
But it pains me when I slip up and think about others
How long they've had no word from me whatsoever
Since constant communication is a higher hurdle than I can bear
When I know just as well that others drop off for good
It makes me freeze up, unable to face my fears or the paper
Driving me down yet another detour of procrastinated potential
Extending this hiatus even longer than it should've been...
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