To Have Gone Away
What would have happened if you were to have gone away?
Where would you be if you were to have done the act?
Would I ever be able to see you smile once more?
Or would I be left with the broken memories that had been left behind?
All these questions overwhelm me and cause me a fright,
I could never grasp the actual emotions of what would happen if you did it,
But my heart still aches whenever I think of it.
I think of all the things we did and how that could all be wiped with just a simple act,
How much I could lose in a matter of a day.
That's why I reach to you in hopes you'll understand,
But I know you won't feel the same way I do if I've never been in the same position as you.
That's what you say but you are wrong.
I've felt that pain over and over again.
Maybe even longer than you have felt that pain.
That's why I trusted my friend who was so very hungry,
That's why I always wanted to fly,
That's why I always put on that mask for you.
But you never listened.
It always twisted the other way.
Tears would stream down your face when I would slightly take off my mask,
You'd make me feel ashamed for showing you what's behind the curtains.
Now you're the one who's feeling the need to be behind all the protection to hide your real feelings.
You're the one who came to me in hopes I would be there for you.
I was there for you always.
I was never not there for you.
I was still there even though I attempted to reach for you and I was consumed by guilt.
Many times have I fought back the thoughts to fly.
Many times I've brandished the knife.
You're having those thoughts to fly,
And I'll never be the one to make you feel ashamed for your emotions.
Never will I think to shame you over something you can't control.
I'll be there for you from now until the end.
I ask of you one thing though.
How would it be for you if I were to have gone away?