1. Cancer stick of love
Smoking cigarettes wasn't a habit I wanted to grow to love, I didn't plan on it but I still do it. I guess curiosity killed the cat, I wouldn't be out in the backyard at two a.m filling my poor lungs with nicotine killing my air spaces. But I just can't help it, I can't sleep and besides one smoke won't kill me. It's only me and the moon, reflecting back at me with disgrace filled with disgust at what human being I had become.
I didn't want nothing to do with life, I'm a lost cause even my mom said it before dropping me off at my sister and fiancé's home. Inhaling a long drag, trying to relax, forget the last moments of her existence. I don't want swirling emotions roaming around my mind, not before I start a new school with new people. Not did I care leaving, I had nothing in that place. My home town was nothing but a rally of mistakes, mistakes of lust and wonders. My friends - consisted of only one person who helped me, who showed me the love for cigarettes not only she introduced me to a new life style.
But she was family. She took care of me when the sorry of an excuse of a mother didn't know how to care of a kid. She gave me money, clothing, food and the supplies to survive and in return she got nothing but a cold hard wooden coffin. Shivers ran my spine, i didn't return anything to her, and I hate myself for it. Hating on how little time we had left, hating how God didn't give her enough lifespan for her to stay down here on this earth — but God did give what she wanted a peaceful sleep, a peaceful life instead of one down here on this earth where it crawled with snakes and spiders and poison. God gave her a better life, a life away from this madness from this cruel world. And Olive doesn't deserve this place we call home, he took her with him because he knew she was too true too good to fit in this world.
God took her and left me here alone. Where I belong, how it should be. Molding perfectly with the shadows, going unnoticed.
"Tate! Wake up you have school!" Hearing my sister's annoying loud voice yell through my door, sighing throwing the bed sheets off me. I didn't argue with her or try to put up a fight I barely have any energy left in me, yet alone fight with my sister who gladly accepted me into her home.
Grabbing a white tee and simple jeans not bothering, fixing myself I walked down the stairs. My eyes focused on a brown skin with curly hair, Freya. My sister's fiancé, Freya was probably the only person who was sane in this house. "Hey bud how was sleep?" She asked looking away from her reading.
Shrugging, "It's the first day."
Rolling her eyes, "Better make some friends you hear me? I want people around this house." She narrowed her eyes on me, nodding I went over to grab some pancakes.
"I wouldn't if I were you." Freya called her eyes filled with worry.
"I didn't cook, we'll grab some breakfast on the way to school." She rushed winking before leaving to turn on the car.
Smiling to myself making sure she didn't see me, reason number 1 of why I'm starting to like Freya. "Tate! There you are oh! Where's Freya?" She looked for her.
Making an 'o' sound, "Great! You're gonna be late, grab your things and meet Freya and I out there."
Furrowing my brows, "You're coming along with us?" Asking she turned to me, making a duh face her hazel staring at my green eyes.
"Yes I am, it's my little brother's first day... now hurry!"
Well there goes my breakfast.
School was a dread right now. Everyone seemed interested either they wanted money or were just in general fake. Grabbing my book looking for a bench to read on, going outside everyone was rather inside rolling my eyes — society was ruined by cellphones, fake relationships, forgetting all about the real harsh world.
Closing my eyes, feeling the breeze. Fishing for a cigarette, grabbing my lighter igniting the long cancer stick in between my teeth now filling my lungs with magic wonders. Exhaling out the wonders out into the air, in and out, reading my book peaceful.
"You can't be smoking on school property you know?"
A lot for peaceful. Rolling my eyes, I continued smoking. "Hello? Are you deaf? You can't be smoking on school property—"
Snapping my eyes on a tiny little human being, her glasses on her head her hand on her hip. "What makes you think I care?" Nonchalantly, blowing out a long drag at her direction when she didn't speak back. Nodding triumphantly, my eyes went back to my book.
Feeling her presence still behind me, growing aggravated. "You can leave now." Growing bored and pissed, wanting to be alone.
"What makes you think I'll want to leave?"
She retorted back, "You prefer seeing me smoke on school property while you just bugged me on about it?"
My back still facing her, I knew I got to her when I heard a groan, satisfied. Grinning a bit, breathing out, "Therefore that makes you a hypocrite. A big one."
Hearing big thumps, she ran past by me not making eye contact. She was pissed and most likely to say, I did that and I was proud.
So much for making friends Freya.
"We have a new student, Tate Romes! Why don't you introduce yourself."
Looking at the teacher with boredom, sucking my lip. Not giving any hint of expression, shrugging. "I prefer not to introduce myself..." making a frown.
Her eyes glazed on me, the boy next to me snickered a bit. "It wasn't a question it was an order." Her lips lined together, sighing my eyes landed on the whiteboard, tapping my fingers on the desk.
"Well, your order isn't valid. Recalling I don't want to introduce myself, and you can't technically force a student into doing something they aren't comfortable with... so therefore my answer is valid and yours well isn't."
Her face burned with anger, oh I found my favorite teacher. Sucking her teeth her eyes snapped from me to the board, "Page 100 through 10. Get to work and you," pointing her finger at me. Not surprised, I stood up already knowing where this will be going.
"Outside I know, I know." Mumbling, following her out the classroom. Tapping her foot impatiently, she stared at me expecting me to speak first. Well I didn't, she invited me out, I'm new here where's her manners?
Sighing heavily grabbing her temples, "Tate, you are very lucky it's your first day if it weren't you wouldn't be out here listening to this dumb excuse of a punishment."
Opening my mouth to speak she shushed me. "I don't want a word from you, I've heard enough. I get it you moved from a very, very hard place..." tensing a bit, how did she... Elizabeth, Beth ratted me out.
No wonder she came to drop me off. Hardening, she promised. "All I'm saying is, you're a tough boy and losing a parent at such a young age can be traumatizing. I under—"
"Sorry for my behavior wont happen again, Mrs.Rhett."
Rushing inside, eyes snapped on me. Rolling my eyes again, jeez my eyes are gonna bug off this school year. "Stick your noses else where." Sneering at them, I took my place. Saying I wasn't angry is an understatement when I say I'm not an addict.
Elizabeth promised she won't bring up my personal life back at home, I told her repeatedly. To make something up, but she didn't, so much for following rules. The reason I didn't want her to bring this up to the school board was because now, all the teachers will be giving me pity looks, sympathy and I do not need that. I don't want their pity, I don't, I can care less for what they think, I don't want to be seen as the depressed sad kid who had no parents. Or whose parents were drug addicts, nonetheless then they'll want me to pour out my feelings to them. Shiver went down my spine, they act like they care but they don't, they — aren't like Olive.
These people act like they understand what I've been through truth is, they only say that to give me hope. A hope that doesn't reach towards me, something I've buried long time ago. Hope, dreams, prayers or wishes they aren't for me — trust me. I know. There isn't hope for a lost cause, smoking addict, depressed kid like me, there's no hope or a happy ending.
My ending is already written for destruction for a ending I'm ready for.
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