Unveiling

Untitled

On the verge of self crucification or peace

My thoughts render me useless as an unaccompanied hatred foreshadows pain

Woe to the wounds unbound the merciless tears I plead yet thee have forsaken me countless memorials yet I mourn the simplicity or trauma bestowed upon me

As long as

As long as I said nothing you smiled

As long as I lowered my head you thrived

As I laid struggling to exist you lived

When does my life get to begin

I leave you follow another chance given

Then with the lying and cheating

Multiple arrests and court cases

Wiping the tears from the kids faces

Constantly picking up the pieces

Smile in public behind closed doors mistreatment

Constant ridicule for your mistakes

How much of me can you take

As long as I’m quiet everything is great

As long as I don’t break

Look at me the way you did day one

Laugh with me like you did when we had fun

Hold me as tight as you used to

Text me good morning and night and I love you

Pray with me on those tough days when anxiety overpowers my mind

When I’m drowning in my thoughts and depression creeps right behind

Look me in my eyes and shower me with reassurance

Look at me once more my darling look me in my eyes

My heart beats different at times not at all

It clouds my judgment sometimes my eyes

It’s dark and broken so It has to hide

It takes longer to heal so I don’t use it as a guide

Seeing is believing

Despite the constant allegations you suddenly become deaf

When She becomes you tell her here’s some makeup fix yourself love you have to be your best self

Despite the conversations you over hear you scream it’s not your business but go and gossip to all the little church members

But when questioned to defend her suddenly your mute

Despite the constant hospital visits your suddenly blind

When you see him raging you say well keep your mouth shut next time

When she leaves you tell him where she’s at and every time he drags her screaming and kicking back you say why don’t you just leave him it couldn’t be me

Your weak there’s none of me inside of you

So she waits and waits until the opportunity arrives

On this joyous day that’s filled with tears faces veiled with black

She’s confused to see so many faces hear so many cries speak such lovely words

Because see no evil hear no evil look where that got her

What would you do

What would you do if I twisted your mind

Preyed on your moment of weakness

Lurked over you at your meekest

Poisoned your thoughts from behind

Your back

Followed your dreams and claimed them as my own

Was at every breath you took

What would you do

Perhaps you'd try to run no that's to obvious

Change your routine take extra precautions

Dream a little quieter

Never take another breath hold everything inside of her

Or just errupt

What would you do

I hate you

Everything about who you've become

I hate you

For not showing up sooner and leaving me in a rut

You lied to me humiliated me all for whatever reason

Publicly and privatly didn't matter to you

But the thing I will never stop hating you for is making me hate you

I hate that I wasted so many years

Chance after chance millions of tears

Ignoring all the signs

Because my heart beat so deep for you all I wanted to do was try

Now I can’t forgive myself and for that I'll hate you until I die

Uncommunicated

Just know how to read my mind

Just know i need you to stand by myside

Just know i will say i need you down to ride

But my actions will never reflect my words

My silence are multiplied