Unveiling

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Chapter 1: Unveiled

Think, Dream, Do - Portia





New Epidemic


A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city; and their contentions are like the bars of a castle. Now a days everyone is so caught up in being offended by everything that they can't see they are responsible for the division amongst America. It seems as though mass media has won due to the reaction of the world against itself. Mass media is nothing more than a mind consumer however , America is just as wrong for following suit. It's time to stop being so offended by everything.



As A Young Black Man


As a young black man I will never be free. I will forever be trapped by inadequacy. I will never be "on top," without being considered a sell out. That's only if I ever make it out "the hood", and not get caught up in no good. Or if I'm not gunned down by police because according to you he look like me. You take away anything to better myself, but you building up those jail cells. Like what the hell! None of that describes me except being a black man. I am who I chose to be!




Light Bulb

All my life I have been told just write it's for you.Your such a great writer but, from the people who said it I questioned if it could be true. See these people have been known to lead me a stray maybe a time or two. Give me their expectations. Oh yes they're related and never supported what I wanted to do. So I gave up on writing and they gave up on me. I was definitely damaged but as happy as can be but the writing just stalked, haunted my speech. Everything I said rhymed unintentionally. It wasn't until 2 months ago I chose to embrace, apparently this "gift" that won't go away. I can finally share what goes on this head. Feels good to release no longer afraid.




God Listens

Dealing with any mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical illness can be challenging while having no support makes it worse. You ever felt like why is everyone around when things are fine but when I'm going through nobody's around? Especially in the type of world we live in where everyone is only worried about themselves. Recently I encountered a situation where an individual was screaming for someone to just listen and everyone was just to busy didn't care or thought they were just being an attention seeker. Yet when this person committed suicide everyone this person reached out to was crying. The sister of this person then tried to commit suicide however, someone actually listened to her story. She had explained that she and her sister had been raped. That her sister had gotten pregnant and because people are stupid they were bothering her about being pregnant so young. While the rapist had continuously bragged about the event. The listener told the sister that vengeance is mine saith the Lord. But of course the sister wasn't trying to hear it. So the listener reminded the sister how it felt to not be heard. The listener then goes to say that God called her sister home so that not only she could see but all those who ignored them could see his power. The listener goes on to say that while we don't always see why God does what he does its for a greater purpose and the lesson may have not been for her or her sister but for those around them. The listener then encourages the sister to come to church to get a better understanding. After months of church and therapy the sister found enough courage to report what happened and the rapist is now serving 10-15 years. The sister now speaks openly about the abuse in hopes of letting people know someone will listen. And if you find that people won't listen, God is always listening.




Growth

It takes alot for a person to share anything about their situation now a days good or bad. Recently having a conversation about a touchy subject finances and I found myself super frustrated really quickly but instead of acting on impulse I paused. Then responded without thinking and this is what came out.....Instead of reacting to the situation in the same manner in which you always have its time to find a new way. By the end of the conversation they understood where I was coming from. It's crazy because people go through some tough situations and make it through, but when the situations aren't as bad that's when they crack under pressure. I'm a firm believer that when in adversity pray and lay your worry to rest. Today was the day that I did just that. # finally growing up





You

You tell me you love me, yet my feelings don't matter. You laugh when I'm hurting, you talk to me as a child who doesn't know any better. You constantly tell me there's no one out there for me whose better. You hold over my head you helped me get a job. You talked to other females and thought that wasn't wrong . You blame me for a illness out of my control and posted on social media when I left you. Thanks for letting the world know. You’ve threatened me a number of times and even told stupid lies. You said you hate me and don't know why we are together. You act as if I can't do better....if you find yourself going through a situation like this leave this is not a healthy situation.




Eye Opener

Baggage afar and near.The saddest thing you'll ever hear. One lost little girl never found. Still to this day the baggage keeps her down. This is her story....I don't know how to do many things. I missed that growing up, reasons full of uncertainty. Still to this day only you know the truth. But because you won't deal with your issues, I turned out screwed. So it's the simple things that hold me back from the years of parenting I lacked. The examples that were placed in front of me is nothing of who I am but worse you see. I couldn't get past the anger, hatred, and shame. I turned into the very person whom I blamed. I've tried changing me to escape the failure I am. I repeated behaviors it's got out of hand. I no longer know why I make the choices I do. Because I longer see myself, I see you. Everyone has a story that needs to be heard and maybe that very story is the story that impacts the life of someone else.





God Listens pt. 2

A young man came in my store today and asked if I had any formula. Aisle 3 I shouted the young man then proceed to walk out the door, as I walk from behind the counter he begins to run. I then chase him several blocks where I notice he hands off the can to another young man, he then walks into what I assumed to be his residence. There sat an older woman on the porch and the young man handed the woman the can , where she pulled out a bottle of pills which I hadn't seen taken. The 2 young men then said these words ....hey man, right now juju can't talk to you so we have to. Man we just want her better. When I confronted them they said, ye who has all feels none. I turned my attention to the woman who just smiled, I rushed them to the hospital where the woman finally spoke...."You are more than your surroundings, bigger than your situation. God will see you through". She then turns to me "my boys will be somebody, look after them". As time went on her health slowly fell. Neither young man legal age to work ,the streets became an option quickly. I remember passing the local supermarket to see one in handcuffs. As I passed I asked, "what he was being arrest for ". Without a response the officer released him to me. The woman's health was failing rapidly and the state got involved. But yet they had no where for the boys to go so the state would put them in random homes and they would just go home. The state got tired of dealing with them and they just let them be. Seeing the term oil they were facing and tired of them stealing,I got them out of jail and cleaned them up. I also made sure the woman had her meds and enrolled them in a private school. About 3 years later the boys graduated and was accepted into college.While one decided to go in the military the other wanted pursue medicine. 4 years as the young men were about to graduate the woman was back in the hospital and they were at her bedside. After fighting with their school they were able to take their finals and graduate. I arrived just in enough time to see the boys walk across the stage and run immediately to the woman side as she collapsed at her beside again. She said I have seen plenty done more loved few but I finally made it home. She then turns to me thank you and with that she went home. I never thought I would become a Father,teacher, or friend so young. You never know the type of impact you can have on a person's life.





Forbidden

Glistening from head to toe, mahogany with a dash of bronze eyes. A deep passion brown full of mystery and intellect. The deeper the conversation the deeper the need for contact. The way your accent peirce my membrane. The way you roll your letters oh man. The ripple of your biceps and extention of your vocabulary got me craving your company. So heavily yet a vast in the friend zone I shall remain. Wanting more of your forbideness but fear of rejection causes me to remain silent such a shame.




Deepest Regret

When you think regret you automatically think of a time when something was done to you. You never acknowledge what you've done whether it was brought to your attention or not. You are only concerned with your feelings. Never really caring about the other person's side and this is the perfect example of just that.
After only dating for a few weeks this couple decided to move in together and thought everything would work itself out. However, the couple were faced with constant "warnings" that they were not good for each other. In fact on numerous occasions were told that their relationship was toxic but they decided to pursue the relationship. It hasn't been any honeymoon period yet the guy had a situation prior to being involved with the female. She's just caught in the middle yet she chose to have his back (to the best of her ability ) and see him through everything. They were soon married (mostly because he needed help and she had no say otherwise ) and things went downhill from there to make things worse she was with child during this time there was so much outside interference and influences the guy felt torn emotions ravel out of control and she now faces deep regret even to the point where she puts her hands on the guy she leaves he follows their back together arguing all the time becoming verbally and emotionally abusive but she's had enough she starts blaming herself belittling herself and her abilities as a spouse mother and person she often reflects on "advice" from prior relationships on what she needs to fix and thinks I really ruined the guy life but he won't let her go she now sits in a prison of her thoughts til death us part just existing not even accepting love from her children



17.37

No Brazilian constricts me Acne flies free socks never match love rockin a fitted or musicians hat love a plethora of sounds and singing off key (even though it's annoys everyone its funny to me) love colored jeans and knitted tops love the sunset and when paint drops love to read and sciencey stuff love Mountain Dew I can't get enough I love to imagine I'm better than I am hold on now this me that I was I had all figured out now this whatever it is I know nothing about




Survived

Manipulation surpass every imaginable aspect of perception, skin rips. Misrepresentation galore, lids twist. The deeper the exploration, unnoticed suffocation reaching for that nylon. Defamation posed from photography and slander, inhales the flames. No experience can equate, I lose count. Feet plunder through the darkness, soaked with despair. Opinions, surpress any feelings of wonder. I'm hopelessly straining, focus unsteady. Crashing down the line, beep beep. Howling moans drowning ,deeper silence screams. Screams high, low. Stripped to nothing, glass shattered. Frantic gaze, steeple grasp. Temperature drops , pale ice. Shiver with shame, can't tighten the noose. Dangling, drenched in distress. Sharp arrows pierce my lungs, just breathe. Breaths break, lifeless. Chaos rang, curse the day. Pacing, slow to fast. Whispers of blame afloat, screams. Plug in the machine, begin to pray. Breaths break, lifeless. Chains loosen, unfold your heart. Exasperated, untold sorrow. Extend apologies, peel back hatred. Yelling please don't go, counting up the tears. Heart unfolds, flames rise. Ashes fluttered through the air, forgiveness. Paper, scissors,glue. Just breathe, gasps for air. Peels off bandages, smiles. Looks in the mirror, smiles. Smiles, Woke up and survived.





Shh

Staring beyond that silly smirk, slightly showing the bottom left teeth. Deeper into the bass, but not to get lost in those eyes. Mid conversation mesmerized by those, don't make the first move. Our lips finally meet, so much more than infatuation. A gentle satisfaction, circumstances forbidden treasure. One day though, one day.




Today

I always wanted to be know what to blame for your absence. Was it a guy, was you high, or just plain selfish? Was I never enough that you couldn't spare time or did it matter much because you figured I'll be fine? All while I was less than, just coasting. Accomplished a lot of great things and still hoping that one day you would be present. Through every hardship I stood tall on my own, I figured out life or at least how it's not supposed to go. I'm buried in chains from where you slit my throat but where you stabbed me in the back I think it hurts the most. Never regained consciousness I'm afraid to speak walk this miserable world no heart to set me free




Dear Battle

Somehow we seem to lose contact and I have to question why I thought battles were forever not temporarily in your life confused about what changed or maybe life just happened others have given me your number still I try to reach out no answer it bothers me alot because you have been through my most trying time and I actually let you in but was informed your feeling guilty because of the situation Had you spoke to me you would know I never even blamed you but you figured cause you didn't speak up you never really cared just know that it wasn't your fault Sincerely your battle will always be there



As A Young Black Woman

As a young black woman I have been made to feel inadequate Pre-judged as being incompetent Because of one individual action reflects the behavior of all Told I could never amount to anything my race is my downfall As a young black woman I am expected to be a recipient of welfare Only to pop out children with baby daddy's everywhere To not know how to conduct myself as a lady and fight on social media To be conditioned to not have an opinion and always to agree with ya As a young black woman I am expected to be degraded deprived and under appreciated That I constantly try to figure out why others want to imitate us Not only scrutinized by others but those who look like me Conditioned with division as a top priority As young black woman I was taught never to think You be whoever someone tells you to be But this young black woman is beyond morally ashamed That society feels a young black woman is all these things




Old Friend

You call me a old friend because there's a new one in your life but how can you call me a friend when I ask you a question you won't respond but want me to be an open book. Then the history of uncertainty the past of unspokeness the present of questionable intentions a future that I can't say will ever exist I want to explain the unheard side...."Reconnect" over social media hold long conversation through which one sided emotions form finally face to face full of false feeling the sex only made it worse don't get me wrong the physical was marvelous but what follows not so much caught up in the rush that 4 letter word slipped into a massive heart break...... So excited you called me butterflies sprung So nervous I mostly answered um I wasn't at a good head space really going through But none of that mattered when I talked to you Distance stayed present I felt you didn't understand I couldn't just leave Plus for me there were to many uncertaintiesThe meeting occurred and almost instantly insecurities Not yet mature enough to handle the situation Immediately things became complicated Maybe you put in the time just for sex Maybe you meant everything you said But I'll never truly know what you were thinking Especially after the conversation at the bus station But I guess its ok things are left unsaid Made it easier to get this out of my head Or so I thought several years later you return to say hey old friend I simply reply not again....




Hmm

Woke up yesterday wanted a divorce this morning suicide
Still can’t cry no emotions
Losing focus can’t pray to God
All the wrong that I’ve done can he hear me
Everyone else left why would he want to be near me



Intervention

So deep inside I try to hide these actions from my suicide
The murderer that I do harbor is someone’s mother sister daughter
she smiles among you yet isn’t breathing
She loves to hate you for no reason
She pulls you in to push you away
She blames you for her every mistake
She devours any light left in you cries in shame
From all the pain
All expectations to be perfect
Makes the suicide more worth it
Need a intervention
She’s gone life’s intentions


?

So unclear your intentions but here we were
Before and again us “friends”
The only title acquired only for formalities
Piercing softness in your eyes my mortality




I want

I want that forever type of love
That unconditional you can get from your mother love
That whenever you’re away I call you fifty times to make sure you’re ok love
That I want to hear your voice before I fall asleep love
That type of love with no excuses
The type of love that loves you back
That love that forgives
I want someone who doesn’t want me back



No

No I will not apologize for all your lies and tainted views on my melanin
Because you’re inferior mindset you don’t know how to accept the truth behind your caucus skin
No I will not be dehumanized because I have the knowledge that you tried to keep me from acquiring
Nor because I manage to find myself with no trace of my roots residing
No I will accept that defeated mentality of those before me
I will not let you bond me with your made up history
No I will not take down my beautiful crown because it’s not your standard of beauty
I will not allow you to claim my history as your own stop the Tom-foolery
No I will not conform to your religion or beliefs
I am proud of the unknown yet very evident proof of that which is my history



Today

Today I woke up and I died
I gave up on strength and pride
I gave up on struggle and pain
Yesterday I witnessed my first rain
I don’t recall my importance my purpose or even my name
I recall a warm feeling as my existence began to fade
I only remember the emptiness as I tried to console my void
I remember the selfishness as my last breath was destroyed
I recall all the internet love that was absent in person
I recall feeling less than an orphan
As that final tear dried
Today I woke up and died



Daydream

Take my hand between yours tonight please
Melt my feelings give my heart a squeeze
Touch my mind all night
Arouse my shh delight
Stop time make this moment freeze



Life

Final tears fall
Stone heart crumbles to ash
Silent goodbyes

If only you knew my heart

Heart so emotionless patience withers
Morning comes silent figures
Internal flames ignite in your absence
Sweetest melody formula for passion
Internal desire causes silent jitters



Final destination

This is where it all begins
Somewhere in Philly where I learned to pretend
Pretend that I am not the only person I know me to be suffocated
I am just conditioned to be a perfect expectation
From suicide to running away never taught better
Never can settle turned to lack of commitment
Internal misunderstandings fluttering through my pores
How to fix I’m unsure
Years of bad decisions merely escaping death
You ripped my soul from existence that night
To weak to fight I stuffed
Suicide repeated attempts I can’t even kill myself right not a worth in this love forsaken world
Reverting back to that scared little girl
Pushed and pushed victim turned aggressor
Seconds from the trigger
I ran into nothingness and I still lost it all
I found you lost you you stand and you fall
You have so much to be proud of yet you keep it inside
You trying to protect your peace you find yourself alone
Everyone throwing their baggage on you
Because they believe you’re strong
But your crumbling and no one even noticed
I’m supposed to hold it together for everyone else but you no because you chose this
You fall back to regroup all of sudden you’re selfish
You fall short and then your helpless
You pretend to rebuild and mend your fences
A vicious cycle toxic people you should’ve removed from the beginning
Now your labeled afraid to be who you are destined to be
You don’t fit perfectly in the worlds perception of a perfect world distorted imagination
You decide to break free to your final destination



I knew

I awake for you I pray
That you wake and thank God throughout the day
That you call His name when the devil calls yours
That you teach and guide the family to the Lord
For your protection as you pray
Shield you from what the world may have to say
It was at this very moment I knew
That I know how to love you


JaCeon
Tiny prayers for you as naysayers whispered destruction
Countless hours I cried for you because your heart wasn’t pumping
Moments I dreamt of you and how perfect you were gonna be
How despite doctors opinions you were destined to be with me
I told God he could have my life just to protect yours because you deserve more
I just knew you would survive even before
Before the doctor told me because you apart of me
Surviving is in your dna a gift a curse and without you I would be empty
And even though I’m raising you it’s as if you’re raising me
I’m glad your all mine for eternity


Jermaine J.R.

I met you at a dark time
With no care for you
Heartbroken because my brain wouldn’t allow me to feel for you
Still my heart beat for you
The tiniest spark of hope my mind would change
Snatched from my chest and I walked away
I fought my thoughts for you and ignited that flame
Took my thoughts by storm and got my baby back
My ray of hope you continued to love me through my postpartum and I loved you past a lifetime


Harmony

Third times a charm and my princess arrived
A tiny firecracker brought so much peace
Your presence calms any storm
In you I see so much of a better version of me
I hold your tiny hand close to my heart
I fight for you and never leave your side
I devote myself to you all my life



I apologize

I want to apologize for the thousandth time
I’m sorry
For asking you if this is true
Love I worry
For repeatedly asking you to confirm your feelings of me
I only asked you if you like me 6*1003
For the good morning texts that usually go left by noon
For the conversations that pour out insecurities to soon
For the petty arguments when things don’t go my way
For being afraid to drop my guard and pushing you away
For letting my past relationship spill out
For wanting you too much but can’t get the words out
I apologize for the thousandth time
I apologize for not making you mine

Unforgettable

Why I gotta prove my love
Ain’t I given you enough
gave you every part of me
But you still out in these streets
Taking me for granted
Not gonna waste my time
Feeling over it
Guess this is goodbye

You don’t pick up the phone, always leave me read
Always hanging with your boys, like I’m not important
Always giving me excuses, it’s always my fault
I’m tired of your shit, I’m not taking it no more

Apologies on repeat, habits don’t change
Anything to cover the lies, why you wasting my time
Trying to flip back on me, not going cry no more
Run me back my key, get the hell on

I noticed you

I noticed you the day before I even knew your name I noticed you
I knew your name but wanted to know more because I noticed you
My mind immediately filled with questions and curiosity built I noticed you
Until noticed became memorized that I could draw every inch of your being down to the last lash that sit upon your right cheek as it fell while you laughed obnoxiously at a joke three days old
How you slightly tilt your head when you’re feeling indifferent
How you smirk never a full smile or raise your left eyebrow in disbelief
Until memorized became more like pursuit
Yet I dare not make the first move


Inside Her

Fallen in and out my thoughts on the verge of tears
I feel the ice is melting and the stone has started to crack
I’ve tried to remain guarded and keep you at a distance
But a last the flesh has been revived lightening any darkness within
I whisper the name and came crashing into the depths of the very hell surrounding my shadows
I’m awake now and I hate it return me extinguish that flame that desire to wrap you in my heat and become one
Pave over that space of emptiness
Bury me in the depths of your deepest dreams
Because your sweetest kisses are the very nightmare I’ve locked away


Unsober

I’m afraid to live. Every breath I take I regret because my life has been so hard. I just wanna wake up and have a day of no stress. I’m tired of being that scared naive little girl but I’m ready to be that that I once was before my spirit was yet again ripped away. I’m going to take my life back and I’m not going to be that girl but that woman I want

Untitled

Oh oh oh yeah
No idea but these memories leave me frozen
Takes me to 23 hearts broken
Words mean nothing promises faded
All I wanted was to love you should’ve waited
Put my heart in your hands and you shredded it down to pieces
Trusted you with all of me I don’t want to believe it


Left behind

Still here praying haven’t left this spot in ever
Stagnant mindset product of my environment
Jealous because nobody cares life goes on
Tangled in my own envy constructing my demise
Hidden in the shadows left behind

Heart no longer exist a victim of my mind
Greatest of magicians I can repeat time
With exactly the same outcome happiness a facade
More damage than repairs
Hidden in the shadows left behind

Quarantine blues

A mistake now I’m displaced I’m just floating
Quarantined to corner left feeling hopeless
Begging for the lord to take my sins
Outta work with no family and no friends
Had it all figured out no way I could lose
All snatched away got the quarantine blues


Same energy

Don’t hit me with the same energy
While you flexing with them hoes don’t check for me
Making moves I’m moving on independently
I’m doing fine can’t waste my time are you hearing me
So you can miss me with that energy

Tryna pull up after hours of no reply
Left me on read claiming you with the guys
Got your little hoes in my dms not the first time



Sweetest goodbye

You can’t tell me you don’t want me when I’m staring in your eyes
You can’t tell me you don’t need me when you don’t even try
All the sneaking and the creeping I just ain’t got the time
Found myself all that’s left is the sweetest goodbye


This pain

This pain I know all to well
Rejection and unwantedness
My deepest secret I don’t confess
It runs deep into my nerves and spews out my actions
I hang my head low to avoid interactions
I suffer in silence because my truth bothers you
My demeanor is a direct reflection of my truth
Misunderstood I’m not looking to be saved
All to well I know this pain

You’re strong I hear you don’t need the help
You’re grown get over it blame yourself
It’s the situation not the idea I regret
Drop all your guards trust me but I won’t give you the same
I care I care what does that even mean
I want you to be ok but nothing after that
I helped you and threw it in your face give me a pat on the back
I feel guilty but not really your just another option
Good thing I already put my heart for adoption
My demeanor is a direct reflection of my truth
Misunderstood I’m not looking to be saved
All to well I know this pain

We The People

We the people of not so fair skin, stolen by your ancestors
Beat, raped, murdered, separated, hated because of our melanin
Watched your ancestors at wounded knee, when corruption began
As if it wasn’t enough to take our people, you had to steal from our brothers the Native Americans
Since the beginning of time we the people have suffered
From the time we exit the wound of our mother’s
We the people built this country that you stole, we the people made all this possible
No thank you though, just senseless killings to make a status quo
We the people are exasperated, silent no more
We will have justice, unity will be restored
We will start with the labels, so listen clearly
We the people Are Not minorities you Are Not the majority
Those uniforms Do Not make you superior
Protect and serve was the initial intention
Where did that get lost in translation
We the people are tired, we left things in your hands far too long
We the people will stay united and strong
Until this injustice is over

# Us or Else

- Anonymous

Untitled

You make my heart go one more time
When your around I still get butterflies
Ran through my head a million times
Wanting to tell you I just don’t know how

I start to to stutter when I go to speak
Gasping for air flushed in the cheeks
Lower my head so you don’t notice me
Staring you down I got something to say

Caught up in you again
I’m lost inside your love
Melted in your eyes
Smothered in your hugs
Drooling at the thought of you shivering inside
All of this will fade away the moment I open my eyes

Unraveling

Coupled in your grasp I watch the layers unfold
The beginning of this this something untold
Uncertainty renders absolutely useless territory
Peaking through new horizons of this unforeseen story

Extend your fingers through my curls
Tilt my hips back as you entangle me with every stroke
I grab the tip you massage the clit I’m grabbing on your throat
The heat rises the aroma of our passion unraveling
Reaching elevations you can only imagine

With every kiss a rush of ecstasy arise
With every moment I melt into your eyes
With every moment I have with you my heart is complete
Great way to imagine what’s unraveling

A Mother

To familiar a term associated with conception and liberation. The blessing of being with child so often took for granted and yet never ostracized for the negligence or incompetence of child care. Though every year this term is celebrated and praised yet overlooking the being whom is actively present in the child's life. Should a title reflect the reality of circumstantial differences? A mother the bearer of a child. A mom the nurturer provider protecter spiritual introducer comforter supporter disciplinarian and many more. Such significance unappreciated often unnoticed yet thrives for understanding appreciation or just a simple smile
In return the only request is being all that you can let your limits touch the sky A mom


Bloom where you are planted

Seeping dew stipple in my roots where the seed of purpose was planted nurtured yet secluded from feeble life experiences unexpected unpleasantries drains my longevity
Unbalanced double step eager to anxious contemplating never regretting momentary compensation contentment deprived self-assurance allows discontentment
Down to the last stride dehydrated from exhaustion growing weary staggering patience at its end quivering discontentment longing restoration pleading for a rescue


Fatal Attraction

Sway eyes divert a full 360 to watch the innocence as multitudes maliciously prey
As the switch of roles constantly reverse incompetence merge
Double standard war zone tempers array
Aggression only never want to converse
Oh no don't even think about a compromise


Every Goodbye Ain't Gone

Unexposed flickers flusters amongst unspoken animosity
Problematic indifferences undiscovered apologies compromised
Unfulfilled threats of passion endless possibilities
Emotional becomes minimized
Heighten senses equal repetition same song
Empty promises every goodbye ain't gone


News Flash

Ugh silence unspoken threats hatred and envy
Why declare my absence a priority of delegation
Must thou converse of unfactual obscenities plenty
Attempt to demolish never alone always need a congregation
You say you’re never contradicting only contrast
Re-read the headlines rumors unwanted news flash


Smile

Kiss under the tip of your brow watch your eyelids flutter with wonder and curiosity press my lips sweetly to yours then slowly to your neck whisper short soft phrases in your ear watching you seductively lick your lips rub your head gently undoing your shirt watching you watching me as I sensually dance for you smile

Engage in deep conversation never contemplating a moment spent with you linger in your arms until we have to depart make a thousand excuses or reasons just to have you near just for you to smile


His Love

His love being affection
Every waking moment being coddled in his arms until I drift off to sleep softly whispering a prayer
Our bodies sensually connecting so intertwined deeper than any metaphysical anectdote or philosophical reasoning only between us is shared
Caught in the moment
Between what's wrong and realistic
Can't differentiate the two they become one and the same
Affirming the blame
Anticipating sort of contradicting
My values staggered emotions untainted
Simple solutions easily problematic
Yet I blamed you for my mistakes regrets abundant
Yelled at you cursed you forgiveness not likely to occur
Yet I let go forgave however your actions towards me redundant
And I let go and let go things would get better i was assured my insanity the victim of his love I bore


Unapologetic

So sweet is the essence of this gesture
A sacred union between two set forth holy matrimony
Intertwined in the aroma of this virtue
Mesmerized by the sensuality and conservative demeanor
Indulged in the mind every crease and crevis
Yet devoured by the savage plunge grinding every inch of the pelvis
Orchestrating the agony and perplexual discomfort
Screams and shrieks suffocated unmentionable
Numb paralyzed left so lonely
To thoughts and memories of this molester (suggested)
Who fails to have any remorse brags on how the feel of penetration severed the body confession
How it felt to be unapologetic

Mommies j

Though I'm not quite sure your gender
The joys thus far in this journey to be remembered
The laugh the cries the crazy cravings
Mommy and daddy hormones misbehaving
Only three months in and it's such a joy
Can't wait to see what else is in store

Recycled

Different generation staggers unevolved in every aspect of being
Physically incapable of affection accepting or showing Mentally incapable of admitting anything
Emotionally incapable of trusting and knowing Spiritually incapable period
Constantly you observe and say that will never be me yet these same circumstances face you and action reflect no change how long must things be the same how long will history repeat who will be the one to break the cycle before it completes


Favorite mended heart

Compelled by the superman complex
Secure behind defenses built ever so high
Fears and doubts clouding my mind so the negative I chose to ingest

Even though I tried alone I couldn't do it
Never would have knew it
Never seen it from the start
You come and mend my heart

After months of aggravation
Hearing me complaining
Then the wall came tumbling down
Then you picked up all the pieces
And that's when I seen it
Thanks for sticking around

Even though I tried alone I couldn't do it
Never would have knew it
Never seen it from the start
You would come and mend my heart

Took the pieces and bind them back as one
Now the missions completed
Appreciate all you done
Now in myself I'm believing
But now it's time to part
My favorite mended heart


What a day

Through constant struggles we endure our love grows stronger it can't be ignored Though our situation isn't at it's best together we will stand aint no need to stress Together we built an empire The world is ours if we desire No tribulation we face is to much to handle As long as we do it together Through any type of weather Believe me it gets better Its not gone be long until we can do more than just speak on the phone When our eyes can meet and we become whole once more If we can get pass this anything we can endure and if we find its to big for us as a team we pray and be patient and wait on The Lord With some faith and hope This promise I quote "Forever my love I vow to cherish us to provide for mine to pray for wisdom to face any situation to be patient and understanding with you regardless the situation I am yours forever today this we have built is here to stay" on this day we learned something new that if man cannot keep us away The Lord will see us through


Unnoticed

Silently observe the obvious yet unexplained torn between existences portrayed by content but has secret desires that reflect with every physical affirmation emotions frozen hoping this appears unnoticed

Secluded in suppression in this maze of my mind frozen in time fathom those imaginary tears surpassing infractions alcohol induced 9 months moments truth frozen hoping this goes unnoticed


Again

Whispers so sincere softly caressing this very essence you call yours only to be interrupted when reality sets in in a not so distant past time an attraction was mutual suddenly on hold the saddest story ever told years wasted tears manifest at the mere mention of your name and again and again and again

Your fingers slide along my cheek your nose to mine you start to speak knowing exactly the words to say staring past your eyes stuck in a daze your lips perched to mine such passion thrives when they meet body heat insync such a poetry formed compels such a chemistry arousal
Tender kisses sends sparks fluttering through the air your scent of heavenly bliss as we entangle on a journey known all to well only to end on that same note we began and again and again and again

Confliction not yet resolved mutual emotions very much evolved confused whether to get involved questions arouse of initial attraction that that sensuality romanticism compassion truth yet while its all so good still remains unknown if i decide to stay will you choose to go and again and again guess we'll never know

What a woman's worth

To often are women generalized by stereotypes
Criticized and minimized to a lesser value
Hiding what's really inside only showing what's between their thighs instead of their iq
Familiarized all to well with belittlement of oneself without any circumstantial truth by those of with a one track mind blind can't seem to find any proof of the you that which they want you to be exists yet you portray that which she which who you never knew yet reminisce not recognizing inside the woman who hides who restrains herself which isn't love but won't be dare be her whose best isn't enough
A woman is rooted from which she is created the earth that is what a woman's worth not a scared little girl who "can't " be different cause she's scared of what others will think so wrong she finds herself scared to stand alone

Next

All to often are we consumed by physical attributes by meaningless notions to advance to a all to well known sexual encounter the one night stand in which he is left satisfied and lady's scorned cause u just swore he was different while your left in self pity he's like on to the next whose my next victim
As time passes bye you move forward and ponder will I ever find mr right or is mr right now as good as it gets I wonder


Obscure Perceptions

Silently I fantasize about our next encounter anxious for that intellectual conversation curious of the psychological format you bring
Eager to indulge further than the politics of any metaphysical dilemma
Coast me with positive reinforcement saturate me with enthusiasm to rebuild and discontinue any severed emotional detachments instructions implied equally to divide in compromise whisking away shattered promises
Entice unspoken obscure perceptions
Separates the seduction from sensuality tender and gentle never over stepped or under appreciated yet strong when need be that knight in shinning armor persistently whisking away broken hearts
Unspoken obscure perceptions

Searching

Picture perfect smile clouds the sky
Shining so bright no one hears the cries
Ruined by guilt shame insecurity
Projects such a purity
As the time approaches
You find yourself searching

Reminiscing about what shoulda coulda but didn't or won't
Falling so hard to get back up u don't
Completely damaged from that one sided love
As the time approaches
You find yourself searching

P

Your verbalization has me mesmerized. Tempted to leave my brokenness behind. Step out this comfort zone. Known as home. Lost in translation. The elation that arouses me from every solitude I once held myself captive. Such a rush that rejuvenates a feeling once inactive

Your soft sweet sensual caress. Touch me deeper without lying a finger upon my nest. Whispers kind gentle tomorrow's. Offers selflessly for me to borrow. Your time heart mind and affection. Your spiritual beliefs there's no deeper connection. Around you I feel so well rounded. With you holding my heart I feel grounded. A case of pure young love very classic. Is what I found when I found P

The beginning (final goodbye)

Trying to find that strength from deep within not a clue as where to start in need of a hint so damaged seems impossible to mend actions reflect brokenness I'm trying to defend quiet as kept screaming to be saved yet no one gives you the time of day you figure why even try time and time again it's your " final " goodbye so why keep continuing looking for a new beginning

Shaken self worth and esteem timidness prevents following your dreams


N**** Please

N**** please! Save your excuses for the last chick who used you. Refused you. Just wanted a quick fix. Or the one before that what was her name? That's right you never cared to know. Cause you only lusted after her til you found out she had a man.
N**** please! Save your I'm sorries for that damaged chick with father issues. Or one overly intoxicated better grab some tissues. Or the battered one who you said I'll never hurt you. But you treated her the same. When she had a nervous breakdown your exact words I knew the bitch was insane.
N**** please! Don't dare speak the words but I'm different. Or i can change. The only thing that's different is your first and last name
N**** please! Don't blame me for your short comings or why you can't deal. I do have a solution. Stop preying on vulnerable females. Own your shit. Use a condom. Think twice about where you stick your penis

Little precious

Little precious with a smile so incandescent fragile and timid with words of great expression fallen short of breath lost at a point without direction tried to find comfort for things that every girl wants or at she least hopes and dreams facing everyday while nothing's never as it seems so naive thinking this struggle lasts a life time anything better is not likely to be achieved

Little precious you just have to believe
That those persons who abused you are no longer a factor indeed
That those family members who were supposed to protect you believe are deeply sorry indeed
That those cold lonely nights are over indeed
That those foster parents/grandparents only wants what's best
That trying to fill that void with pills weed drinking sex isn't worth it
That not knowing your worth the world will only leave you with regret
That allowing others to dictate who you are is incorrect
That blaming others and holding on to your past knowing you can't change it is pointless

My dear little precious so consumed by anger
That you put yourself in constant danger
Self mutilation has become no stranger
Everybody else hurts me I might as well beat them to it can you blame her

Little precious there's a point that you come to realize that life is worth more than what's in between your thighs
That nothing's going to change if you just sit there and cry
Think of all you've overcome remember you did it all by yourself
It's time to change the hand you've been dealt


My son

Staring in your eyes my mind starts to wander
Am I doing the best I can I often ponder
Is there more I can be doing or is this all I have to offer

My son I give you not material things
For objects doesn't teach you anything
Instead I teach you wisdom knowledge humility
Manners courage what it takes to be a king
How to love yourself and your neighbor to gain prosperity
All this I give to you one day you'll be sharing

Losing

Unconsciously losing my mind
As if I can't find the beginning to the end
Hating my reflection this monster appears to self sabotage
Haunted by my past myself I can't recognize
Even worse I can no longer cope
I've run out of room to stuff mentally drained I'm losing I'm ashamed

Perfect Distraction

Mesmerized by the shadow of your physique as it peaks beyond the sunrise welcoming the mornings dew
Enticed by your intellectual composition peering through frail slits in drapes ensued by the aromatic kiss fluttering eyelids ajar automatic so charismatic
Reconstructing every shattered detail restoring every withered strand revitalizing every broken spiritual content
Lasting encouragement and empowerment lingering bliss uninterrupted emotional connection
Fatal attraction unable to concentrate losing focus sensory details a blur lost in the essence of your presence shielding my fragile innocence from this wicked world my perfect distraction

I was

I was afraid to expose you to the greatness of the world just a scared naive little girl is what I was often called when times got hard in my shell I would reside I would purposely avoid the world often hung my head low no one ever knew me except what I might show Then I met you and I panicked Resorting to what I knew all too well I pushed
But you push back and continue to push
I got it hurt people hurt people but there was no escape
Years later feet return me full circle how great right
But years ago my imprints remain untarnished in your mind
As of life moves on and somehow I was left behind
No longer that scared naïve girl life force my hand
Changed my heart damage my head changed me
You see no difference I am one and the same how can that be
Reintroduced myself and to you I still the same little rough around the edges but there’s always room for improvement
Reintroduced myself to the mirror and I see the change inside and out
Who I was no longer exists
Good riddance you won’t be missed

I needed

It wasn’t until yesterday until I realized I needed
Years of apologies from you I begged and pleaded
No guilt tripping I just watched and waited until I received it
Unrealistic expectation of when that would arrive
I wear my best perfume and put make up above my eyes
I would sit quietly and actually hear you before I respond
I would hold my composure and try not to cry
Because years later you realized that you helped create the disillusioned reality which became my norm
From you a unforgiving soul was born
Before given a chance of ownership I was taught or lack thereof
So you take no accountability for your I mean my state of mind
I needed reassurance since the beginning of time
I needed a peace of mind
I needed calm in the mist of the storm
I needed I needed I needed to wake up and realize I was more than enough
I always needed myself

Untitled

So deep inside I try to hide these actions from my suicide
The murderer that I do harbor is someone’s mother sister daughter she smiles among you yet isn’t breathing she loves to hate you for no reason she pulls you in to push you away she blames you for her every mistake she devours any light left in you cries in shame from all the pain all the expectations to be perfect makes the suicide more worth it needing a intervention she’s gone life’s intention

Untitled

As I look upon the morning sky
I taste these tears a silent prayer
I whisper loud in my deepest dare
Fear doesn’t live here depression don’t try

Stead fast and hold on your worth
No flight just fight with all your might
Dig deep within you bring to plain sight
Hold on strong it’s not time to leave earth

About Love

We're living in a time where everything seems to be twisted and manipulated to fit some social conformity, known as norm. Something most feel they aren't or have no clue where to begin to keep up with. Though living in a time where corruption, violence, and greed are prevalent there are those who still find time, to Love. Found to be as cool as dew on morning leaves shining as when touched by the rays of sun reflected by blades of grass. Calm as before the storm hits though not still, while comforting as a breeze. The blessed feeling of awakening knowing that this isn't intangible, imaginary, or farfetched. You've never been alone. The reassurance held through faith, received and found in the flesh, is a great example of how love is a manifestation of hope.

Holding onto my beautiful child

The moment I saw you I smiled
Holding onto my beautiful child
When doctors couldn’t find any heartbeat I cried
Holding on to my beautiful child
Every moment you grew inside me I became more anxious
Holding onto my beautiful child
I promised as long as I had you whatever the world through at us we could face it
Holding onto my beautiful child
When doctors rushed you to the nicu my heart just sank
Holding onto my beautiful child
They brought you back to me and all I think
Holding onto my beautiful child
Your first step your first word and many years to come
Holding onto my beautiful child
I just remember the moment I saw you I smiled
Holding onto my beautiful child


Sweetest goodbye

I couldn’t find the courage to say something long past due
Internally I burn to say these words to you
At the tip of my tongue and yet no sounds form
I don’t believe I’ll keep it a secret anymore
It wasn’t you it was me too or so the therapist said
To direct and not project but since I’m to afraid
To just let go to go on this emotional roller coaster all alone I caused this on myself you did no harm
Displacement is an ugly trait find redirection your state of being is a fragile blessing I refuse to accept that


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