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A Sestina poem about cigarettes

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Chapter 1


Love is something ghastly and mysterious not vague

Once I moved forward through life viewing love as masochistic love

As the writer and the actor, only I could understand why I scream

I wrote myself in the drama and the story resulting in blindness, a sensual darkness

I was the one walking alongside the cold ocean where there was no dense fog

The cigarette that fell in the bottom of the ocean was my ashes

My only crime was not being able to put them out soon enough, falling ashes

But that’s what made me human because I was unpredictable like valley fog

In response to my ups and downs was a thick blanketing darkness

Softly tossing and turning in my bed late at night, thinking of misogynistic love

My pillow moving in the silence like the end of the word vague

Even if I wake up late in the night, only my terrors hear me scream

I wish I was more like you, a piercing scream

Unlike me, you continue everywhere and anywhere without a sound like invisible fog

My heart is full of water but with the lights off all you see my inner vast darkness

At night, I burn the pictures that remind me of the fleeting thing called love

Even summer sunsets resemble the colors of your cigarette ashes

Those short memories we puffed away by the ocean, made my memory vague

I look at my empty pack and chuckle at my memory, it must really be love

My ghosts force me to call your name, but your name is only an echo watching quietly behind the darkness.

Watching you go before me, fills my silent cigarette smoke with screams

I’ve been in the dark too long, perhaps the reason is forgotten or vague

I often pray for that snap to erase me so I float away in the wind as blank ashes.

Lately, I find myself unable to pick up our frames, as if they’re shrouded in heavenly fog

Years ago, when we met that night my mind was a euphoric fog

With a heavenly crescent moon cast down on us, our souls became wisps in the ashes

Often I found myself trying to give you an answer to what our love means, but I’m vague

You smile softly and tell me that is Love is love

We did everything together from a loud and maniacal laugh to a sobbing bitter scream

You still peer deep in my eyes, and I in memory forever stare into your pupils of darkness

Being together was a loving embrace to end all our world’s darkness

It was a swift burial to bitter flowing ashes

You laugh at me because in your eyes I’ll always be vague

You gave me the clarity to see through a forest of endless fog

Like a lover, my eyes traced you maddened by orgasmic screams

By the crisp starlit shore, our feelings for each other smelted with love

I will continue to smile when I think of you and your ashes

Your cigarette smoke reminds of how we are, a precious fog

That’s what I liked about you most, my beautiful bitter-tasting love

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