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Chaotic Symphony

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A psychopath, yes,

That’s what I aspire to be

to take the brute force of sharp words, and brush them off nonchalantly

to look at my bleeding heart with cold indifference

To be high on selfishness and drunk with entitlement

The pain of growth shall be no more

The delightful delusion of narcissism increasingly inviting

A life full of suffering,

as the bad always seems to outweigh the good

Why haven’t I learned?

Why the same pain?

Is it me?

No, no it can’t be

I am never in the wrong, right?


and that is problem number 1

Read these books to better yourself

I am responsible, I am beautiful, I love myself


I am responsible, I am beautiful, I love myself

If i have to say it in the mirror to myself then maybe......

I feel it isn't true

Who are you?

Where am I?

What have you done with the real me?

and.........why cant I find her?

Suffering is a part of life

to live without pain is not to live at all

yet I feel all my life has been suffering

that I didn't know I was experiencing

I feel my constant positivity has turned to toxicity

but to be anything but is weak

I smile with ease faking sincerity

Depending on who is in the room,

I alter my very personality

So much so I can no longer say which is the real me

Iv'e been too well trained

I feel empty

Speak in the center of my soul

and listen to your voice echo forever

Then listen to it speak back

A plethora of traumas ringing in its song

As I look back on my life

I see and realize how the hollow has manifested in subtle ways

How easy it was for me to be manipulated

How easy it was for me to manipulate

All in hopes of attention and understanding

Though it seems I always had too much of the former

and none of the latter

No matter under a guise of friendship, companionship, trust or love

I always fell into their trap

and every time.......

I never got that piece of me back

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