Empty
A psychopath, yes,
That’s what I aspire to be
to take the brute force of sharp words, and brush them off nonchalantly
to look at my bleeding heart with cold indifference
To be high on selfishness and drunk with entitlement
The pain of growth shall be no more
The delightful delusion of narcissism increasingly inviting
A life full of suffering,
as the bad always seems to outweigh the good
Why haven’t I learned?
Why the same pain?
Is it me?
No, no it can’t be
I am never in the wrong, right?
Wrong
and that is problem number 1
Read these books to better yourself
I am responsible, I am beautiful, I love myself
Again
I am responsible, I am beautiful, I love myself
If i have to say it in the mirror to myself then maybe......
I feel it isn't true
Who are you?
Where am I?
What have you done with the real me?
and.........why cant I find her?
Suffering is a part of life
to live without pain is not to live at all
yet I feel all my life has been suffering
that I didn't know I was experiencing
I feel my constant positivity has turned to toxicity
but to be anything but is weak
I smile with ease faking sincerity
Depending on who is in the room,
I alter my very personality
So much so I can no longer say which is the real me
Iv'e been too well trained
I feel empty
Speak in the center of my soul
and listen to your voice echo forever
Then listen to it speak back
A plethora of traumas ringing in its song
As I look back on my life
I see and realize how the hollow has manifested in subtle ways
How easy it was for me to be manipulated
How easy it was for me to manipulate
All in hopes of attention and understanding
Though it seems I always had too much of the former
and none of the latter
No matter under a guise of friendship, companionship, trust or love
I always fell into their trap
and every time.......
I never got that piece of me back
