The Unforgotten Boy
I need a lullaby;
One to dry the tears in my eyes.
One to quiet my aching brain.
And the irregular heartbeat that speaks your name.
I think of the cold, longing lips.
The ones that share my drink with sips.
The ones that I so easily miss.
Because that's the closest I'll ever get to a kiss.
I stare at the lengthening pavement in my rearview mirror.
As I drive further away from you, my path becomes unclear.
That expanse of highway between me and you is travelled very often.
But a barricade separates our bodies that want so badly to collide; dead in their tracks, it stops them.
Sadly, what he will never know is how much I love him, how much he matters.
And every time I see him unhappy, my heart immediately shatters.
I long to comfort him, as his sadness beckons me closer.
But in between us is something that will never allow closure.
Separating us is a clear, glass pane.
So thin, it drives me crazy, yet there it still remains.
And I've begun to realize why it's called a "pane", because that's truly what it causes.
And when he seems close enough to touch, something inside of me pauses.
I know exactly what it is, this chilling, freeze-frame feeling.
It always leaves me begging for some kind of change, metaphorically on the ground kneeling.
I feel like I've created a wedge, trapping you in the middle.
But there would be no middle if I wasn't on the other side, wearing your heart down till it's weak and brittle.
I feel as though I'm at fault for it all, guilty of creating this situation.
But what ifs are always what I tend to cling to, there is always that temptation.
Though, how am I supposed to leave you alone, when I care so much and need you in my life?
You are key to my happiness, the importance of you being around so great, that I cannot even begin to recite.
You've become such a big part of me; who I want to be, and who I am.
Without you there would be a gaping cavity; wide open and wounded I would be, and no one else could possibly understand.
Because the truth is, no one could ever replace you.
And if they tried, I wouldn't want them to.
In the end, there will always be a place for you in my heart.
And I promise to always carry that little part of you, no matter how far or long we may be apart.