from the bottom of my empty heart

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The Sun is Leaking

I grasp your hand, it's warm and steady.
The sun is shining on us both, and the clouds are hanging low.
I see your face, and it's smiling, shining, sparkling.
It's not everyday you feel this.
Blossoming in your heart, growing to your fingertips.
I don't know if this is real, but as far as I know it might as well be.
Why me?
Why you?
Do you feel the same? I know you do, but.
There is always a "but".
No matter what, there's always a downside. A con. A mistake.
A person. Who just so happens to be me.
I'm not enough for you. I think you know that, I try to tell you every day.
What you describe for the future isn't very soon.
I don't know how to tell you.
I don't know what to say.
But every day, the possibility is increasing.
My heart rate stays the same.
My expression brightens and my grin widens
when I see you coming up the hill.
But I don't feel any different.
I'm the same. There's really nothing there.
Is that normal? Am I broken?
I know I'm not. But why does it feel like I am?
Nothing is fluttering in my stomach.
Is there supposed to be? Or am I just too early?
I mean, we're just so young. Right?
I don't want you to be hurt, because of my own words.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be forward with you. I'm sorry I joke and laugh and talk instead of think and listen and learn.
(I know you know.)
(I know you'll understand.)
I don't know how to tell you
if I don't know what's real for me and what's not.
But it's not every day you forget what it's like to love.

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