from the bottom of my empty heart

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i told myself long ago that this isn’t real,

but i’m still not sure i believe it.

i’ve been through so much now not a single word can get through me.

i’ve had a heart before, but never one like this.

my eyes are open, but i’m screaming,

and boiling blood is pouring out of my mouth, scalding hot like the oveflowing pot.

can i be yours?

can i be great again?

these are the reasons i am empty.

these are the reasons i will never be yours.

i can’t look you in the eye and tell you that i love you,

i can’t look up at you and smile,

for fear of being rejected.

whether you’re a love or just a crush, either way i’ll never know what comes next.

now i’m stuck in this bottomless loop, where my thoughts are running ahead of me.

this time i don’t know how to stop it.

this time i don’t know if i want to stop it at all.

your face is rooted in my head, but i only saw you for half an hour a day.

lunchtime at school and i was never really hungry.

i hung back but i didn’t know why,

now i know, it’s because i wanted to see you.

gods help me, if they’re real, because your eyes are splitting me open and the needle is the only thing that can sew me back together.

i don’t even know your name.

but i know you’re real. i know you’re there.

today i came close to finding out if you’re the one for me,

but before i figured it out a shadow struck me and as i cried out in pain,

i knew that you would never even notice me.

i’m just as invisible as always.

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