i told myself long ago that this isn’t real,
but i’m still not sure i believe it.
i’ve been through so much now not a single word can get through me.
i’ve had a heart before, but never one like this.
my eyes are open, but i’m screaming,
and boiling blood is pouring out of my mouth, scalding hot like the oveflowing pot.
can i be yours?
can i be great again?
these are the reasons i am empty.
these are the reasons i will never be yours.
i can’t look you in the eye and tell you that i love you,
i can’t look up at you and smile,
for fear of being rejected.
whether you’re a love or just a crush, either way i’ll never know what comes next.
now i’m stuck in this bottomless loop, where my thoughts are running ahead of me.
this time i don’t know how to stop it.
this time i don’t know if i want to stop it at all.
your face is rooted in my head, but i only saw you for half an hour a day.
lunchtime at school and i was never really hungry.
i hung back but i didn’t know why,
now i know, it’s because i wanted to see you.
gods help me, if they’re real, because your eyes are splitting me open and the needle is the only thing that can sew me back together.
i don’t even know your name.
but i know you’re real. i know you’re there.
today i came close to finding out if you’re the one for me,
but before i figured it out a shadow struck me and as i cried out in pain,
i knew that you would never even notice me.
i’m just as invisible as always.