My imaginary him

My name is Asha. I am an artist. My structure? I am short. About 1.53. I am a little chubby because of my laziness. My face is horrible, full of black marks. My eye sight is also too poor. I started to use my specs when I was 12. It is round with black color, and full frame. Yes, ugly, right? Exactly. I'm ugly and I know. I never had any boyfriends or friends. Right now, I am 24, working as a mysterious artist with a pen name Lenn. Yes. I know that too. It's a muscular name. I had to fake it to hide my reality. I am scared to face the world. Like, what I am. But my paintings are very famous all around the world and I have already painted about thousands of canvases. And it's all over the world. In Museums art galaries and more. There are copies of it and I get a good paying too.
I was good with creating characters. I created a new person and posted, it as me. I was a really famous faceless artist. So, I had to Show my face to other people because I had to be a person for real. There was rumors about me that I'm not real and those paintings are old. And someone is selling it out. Whatever. But after revealing, my fake painting of myself to everyone, it was a news to the whole world. Within a day or two, the world started to know the mysterious fake artist Lenn's real face.

I lived in a small house with my brother, Chris. He was a soldier. So we never get much time to spend together. And he dont know that i am an artist.I had a different place to work. He thinks that i am working in qn office with high payment. He was promoted to the Special Force because of his dedication. That's when I started to spend my time with my fake Lenn painting. I named him - my imaginary him.

Someone who is not me or someone who haven't born yet. A person who I will never see, I thought it was the only thing that came to my mind "Why don't I love him?" Yes. It's crazy. But still, I wanted to love someone. I had a lot of love to give to someone so I started to love him, my imaginary him. That I really wanted in my life. But I'll never get. A person, who is perfect. His face, his body, his hair, his eyes, His lips and nose and ears. Soft and beautiful skin. Even if it's just a painting,a fake painting, i wanted it to be true.

I never had friends. So, I never shared anything to anyone. Not even to my brother. I forgot to tell that i dont have parents they passed away somehow.
So he always cared about me. I never wanted to hurt him just because I don't have good friends or people who loves me. I just become a hidden thing.

I thing that people can't see, a thing that people dont remember at all, but I was there all the time.
When i felt lonely, i started to look at him, my imaginary him. He always looked into my eyes. Those eyes were telling me "you are my everything". May be its my mind who draw him like that but still it felt like he's telling me everytime i looked into his eyes. Thats was when, i felt like i was falling for him.

My imaginary him.

I spend most of the time with him. I never paimted a new painting after I posted him because I never got a chance to paint. Most of the time I was with him. I talked alot to him. Things that i see everday before he was with me. I slept with him in my dreams. I eat with him. I was always with him. Or maybe its like,

he was always with me.

I know it is useless. It's one-sided, its foolishness, but still I wanted to know myself what it feels like to be in love with someone. That made me to do it.

To love.

To love a hopeless thing. Maybe I am the only one who realized that love is something that we can give to someone or to something. Even if we can't have it back. The world is nothing in front of me because they don't know the secret of love. I'm the only person who knows that.

That is love.

This is love.