My Unsent Love Letters

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Chapter 12

Anna hasn’t been coming to the store and James doesn’t really text her. James has been thinking that he might be bothering her if he texts her. Anna must be pretty busy with her work is something James holding into.

James can’t stop thinking what Rebecca said the other day. How will this story of his, end or resolved? Will he confess? Or will he just moved on and find a new person in his life? Or will Anna found a new guy and they got married? James getting cornered by these questions in his head and he can’t find the way out. Why they can’t be friends? The friend that know each other well, close together but with no romantic relationship. Is it because of the old feeling that never revealed itself and now his consciousness trying to make it right?

Just by thinking about it, James getting depressed and losing his mind to his own stupid questions. The fact that he was supposed to sort the books by alphabet now getting messier. For James, Anna holds a special room somewhere in his heart. She is someone that he cannot forget easily. It’s getting scarier that he remembers Anna more than Sophie. Was it not love? Or it’s a sick obsession?

“James? What are you doing?” Ms. Turner startled him. Then she looked closer and found out that James was not sorting the books correctly. Then she gave him the weird look.

“I can explain this...“ James stuttered and his vision getting blurry out of a sudden. The world around him getting darker and swift feeling of coldness surrounding him. James collapsed.

“What happened?” James asked. He opened his eyes and looked around. He was in the office room on the floor with Lily beside him.

“Oh good, you’re awake!” Her face shows signs of relieved.

“How do you feel? You blackout yourself earlier and we had to carry you here. Ms. Turner was worried and almost have a heart attack. Did you hurt yourself somewhere?”

“I’m fine. What happened?” James asked. “I was sorting the books and then I went blank somehow.”

“You collapsed, James! You went all pale and cold with blood from your nose. If you didn’t awake for another thirty minutes, Ms. Turner might rush you to the hospital. Luckily you just passed out for fifteen minutes.”

James can’t help to wonder why. Was he too tired? Or not enough sleep? He’s been feeling tired and fatigue. Maybe he should see a doctor. Or maybe there is nothing serious. James tried to rise himself and sit on the sofa. His knee tremble and weak. What the hell happened to him?

“Oh James. You are awake!” Ms. Turner who came to the room.

“Yea.” James trying to stand up.

“No sit-down. I’m going to take you to the hospital.” She sounds worried because of her shaken voice.

“That won’t be necessary. I’m just a little tired.” James trying to comfort her with his smile.

“You sure James? We are worried about you and please take good care of yourself. If you have any problems do talk to me. Okay, James?”

“Alright. Just don’t worry too much okay.” James trying to convince her. She does not even look convinced at all. He knows that Ms. Turner really cared about her employees. James really appreciates it.

James arrived at his apartment. The room is dark and he has been dragging his feet. Tired and somehow he feels empty inside. James can’t stop feeling something missing inside of him but what. Anna? Did he miss her? He should not bother her but deep inside he really wants to talk to her. A sense of longing but that is just selfish.

Why selfish? Anna doesn’t really have any feeling to him. James couldn’t just be straight dead telling her. They went out few times but James could see it clearly that their relationship is not more than just friend. Maybe he could just try? Why not

He grabbed his phone and tapped the Message icon. He searched the name, Anna. They last texted was two weeks ago. He smiled to himself and feeling pathetic all of a sudden. Now he is doubting himself and considering it over and over again. Should he text her or not?

Thousands of ‘what if’ flinging in every direction inside his head. He can’t decide even the smallest thing in the world. How hard can it be?

“Blast it! I’m doing this anyway!” James reached the keypad and type few sentences.

Hi, Anna. How are you? Been busy?

James stared at the screen. Is this okay? Should be enough to start a conversation. James feels pretty confident about it. So, he taps the button Enter. Done! It is sent!

He threw himself onto the bed and there is nothing he can think of except the feeling of exhaustion and satisfaction. A tiny little satisfaction of sending a text to someone that he have a crush on.

He woke up that morning and no reply from her. Might be she went to work and didn’t have the time to reply or she didn’t read the message. Oh well. James will be having an appointment with a doctor after this. Ms. Turner gave him a day off just so James can take medical check-up.

Later that day, James walked out and heading to the medical center. He waited for his turn and sitting in the waiting area. Last time he went here was few last year. He caught up the flu and had to rest for few days. He rarely gets sick but whenever it got him, he ended up in a bad condition.

There were not many people around at that time. Only a few patients and most of them don’t really look that sick. Maybe flu or some sort. It’s lucky for him though. Somehow the smell of the place bothering his nose so much. James really hates it. James waited for almost fifteen minutes until he was called by the nurse.

He gets up from his seat and walks slowly to the room for the check-up. The nurse was quite lovely as she smiles. James couldn’t help but smile back at her. As he passed her, there was a faint smile of lavender. Must be her clothes.

“Please sit down.” The doctor said with his deep voice. James guessing the doctor is around fifty. Few patches of white hair can be seen clearly. “So, tell me how are you feeling?”

“Well…Yesterday I fainted at my workplace. So, I want to get a medical check-up.” While he looked at the doctor. Few second later, James was looking at his name tag. Harrison. James then looked back at him.

“Okay. There will be few procedures. First I’m going to check you normally. Which I will look at your eyes, body temperature, heartbeat and so on. Then, you will need to provide us blood and urine sample. Understood?” Doctor Harrison said it clearly and looked at James hoping for confirmation.

James just nodded.

Last time James took this medical test was when he worked with his previous company as an assistant editor. How long was that? Two years ago? Back when he was still with Sophie. Damn! James can’t help to wonder his mind about that.

Then the doctor did his normal check-up and after that James was given a tube for his urine. Soon after, he got his blood syringed out from him. It was not that painful but the thoughts of the pointed needle piercing to his skin scares him.

“Okay, that’s it.” Said the lovely nurse while smiling at him. He smiled back. “So, for the result, you can pick it up this evening or you just can wait for another two hours. Anything else?” She smiles again.

“I’m good. Thanks.” James walked away while waving at her. Now, he needs to think of something to kill his time. Two hours and what should he do? He walked outside and found a cafe near the block.

The cafe was nicely decorated. It looks full of wooden and classic things that impress the eyes. He entered the cafe and sit near the window. He reached for the phone in his pocket and peek at the screen. A text! It was from someone that he really hoped. The text was from Anna.

Hey, James. Pretty much busy lately. How bout you?

James couldn’t be happier and grinning about it. He hastily writes his reply.

I’m good. Want to hang out after work? I’ll come there.

James put his phone on the table and not long after that the screen blinking followed by a soft vibration. A reply.

I can’t today James. What about next weekend?

If he can jump right now. James would have jump himself and bounce himself again and again. Before he can reply, his alarm vibrates and it’s time to pick up his medical report. He walked to pay it and rushed to the medical center.

“Mr. James, this is your report… And the doctor wants to see you in a few minutes.” The nurse somehow gives a worrying look when she said it. “The doctor will explain more on the results of your medical report. If you have any questions, you can ask him directly. Thanks.”

“Thanks, miss.” James smiled and sat down again in the waiting area. He opened his medical report and he could not understand a single thing. Such weird terms and terms that usually showed up in his biology class in high school. Just by looking at it, he is getting dizzy and overwhelmed by the report.

“I’m not reading this!” James then inserts the report back into the envelope and wait for the call. Five minutes later the nurse earlier called his name and opened the door to the doctor’s room. James walked in and sit on the chair and give the envelope to the doctor.

Dr. Harrison took the envelope and reached his fingers on the papers inside. He read it one by one. There are like five papers and he read it naturally. James couldn’t help to notice his face frowned while looking on the fourth paper. Then the doctor put the paper in front of James and pointing his finger in a certain section.

“Mr. James. I have a bad news for you.” Looking seriously and not even a single chance that he is joking. “I’m sorry but you have a tumor and it doesn’t look good.”

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