My Unsent Love Letters

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Chapter 13

James was hospitalized. The recent collapsed was not lightly to be taken. After James was informed by Dr. Harrison about his brain tumor he was in quite a shock. The doctor said that he only has around a month.

His tumor is a rare case. It grows at a very quick pace compared to a normal tumor. James couldn’t take it in at first but the doctor describes the symptoms and perfectly fits with his current condition. It started growing three months ago and incredibly fast in growing that there is not much he can do about it.

Even with surgery, it is not that simple. Despite the thorough and complete explanation given by the doctor, not much was digested into his brain. The only sentences clear inside his head is ‘... tumor in your brain…’, ‘... a month perhaps…’ and ‘... not much that we can do…’

After he stepped out of the medical centre and head back home. He was actually fine after that. However, on the third day after his medical check-up, he collapsed again at work and had to be taken to the hospital. Ms. Turner was informed of the situation and gave him a brief lecture on why he kept it as a secret. She was worried sick.

They all left a few hours ago and left James here in the hospital. Alone and trying to accept the reality. A month or less. How fragile can a human life be?

I lived more than twenty years now. And it is coming to an end. I want to live longer but isn’t that greed? He told himself and convincing that he has no time to linger on the shocking news but to live his final hours fully.

Yes! I don’t want to spend my last day sulking and unable to accept. I’ve learned better. I’ve learned how to accept myself. I’m stronger than this. If I resort to breaking down now, I’m just the same guy after breaking up with Sophie. I should not forget that I’ve learned to appreciate life more. Especially when I’m doing my volunteering mission.

He said it out loud while facing the window in his ward. He just couldn’t say it casually without tears rapidly falling from his eyes. He asked himself again. It is okay to cry, isn’t it?

After he started to thinking clearly again, he braved himself calling his parents. James decided to just head back to the countryside once he settled the paperwork and all. Why wait here in the hospital if he knows exactly where his journey is going.

He decided to spend his remaining days in the countryside away from the busy hustling streets in the city. Let his last day be peaceful. It’s been awhile since he visited his parents anyway. Better than dying in the hospitals or in the apartment alone. James then realized that if he is either optimistic or being sarcastic upon his life.

His parents were quite wondering why the sudden decision. However, they can be no happier for their only son to come home. Last time he visited them was last year.

He woke up the next day and the doctor was checking up on him.

“I heard that you plan to leave the hospital so soon?” The doctor asked him while reading the sheets and jotting stuff down.

“Yes. I plan to leave the city and staying with my parents.” While looking at the doctor who still not engaging in eye contact since he entered the room. “I just want to fade away peacefully.”

“I see. Maybe that is not a bad plan after all.” He finally looked at him and taking a deep breath. “You must understand that you might feel normal but you must understand that you will never know when you will faint or fall on your feet. You might pass out anytime and anywhere. Even so, please take your medication. It helps. A bit.”

James looked at him with a face that is quite untrusting from a patient to a doctor. He let out a small laugh. “It’s that bad… huh?”

“I’m sorry James. I am worried and I can’t do anything about it. I can only give you your medicine and no more. I am quite in shock as well. But please… spend them well.” He stopped jotting down and put down the sheet. He then took off his glasses and sit beside James.

“James, this is not my first time in this matter. They were different people but they accepted it in two ways. First, they accept it and spending their moments fully. While the other was unable to accept it and wasting their life by ignoring it until I received the news about them. I don’t want you to be the later James.”

James only nod. The doctor sounds like emotional but his face looking so tough on it. He understands what the doctor meant. James believed that this is how he can fully spend his life.

After that, the doctor gave him the permission to be discharged. While he was getting ready to leave his bed and his room. Rebecca came knocking his door. She doesn’t know the real reason why he was hospitalized but she came there with a big smile on her face.

She heard about James being hospitalized from Ms. Turner after her visit to the cafe recently. She did ask about why he was hospitalized but Ms. Turner kept silence. She decided to visit him instead.

“James! Great you are leaving. I have a good news for you.” While showing James of the book she was holding on. A book that he does not recognize but only the title was somewhat familiar to him. “Here it is! Your book!”

James slowly reaches the book and read the title clearly. “My Unsent Love Letters… Whoa!” He was much attracted on the cover of the book. It looks almost pinkish but lighter with some old looking paper and old handwriting. He smiled and looked at her. “I love it!”

“Congratulations James! You know have your own book. How many copies do you want to keep for yourself? Not more than ten though if you are not going to sell it.” She was smirking while poking James with her elbow. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

James somehow catches up what Rebecca is trying to say. He did remember that she was dead curious about his crush in the letter. “Okay sure but let me packed things up. Are you busy after this?”

“Not really. My only schedule for today was to give you this good news and talked to you about our future plan for marketing. So, I’m quite free.” Her grinning always looks honest and refreshing.

“That’s nice. Can we drop at the cafe? I need some favor to ask you.”

After that, Rebecca leaves James and waited in the lobby. James came down soon after and they get into Rebecca’s car. She drove away to the cafe.

Once they arrived at the cafe. Ms. Turner was the first to greet them.

“James! Did you discharge today? How do you feel? You should get some rest first!”

“It’s okay. I’m fine. Need to discuss some stuff with Rebecca here and I can’t think of other peaceful places to do it except here.” James trying to convince Ms. Turner that he is fine and he is ready to deal with other matters. “And, I need to talk to you after this.”

“Is that so? Alright.” She gets back to the office after she gets a cup of coffee.

“Let’s sit here.” James reached a seat and invited Rebecca to sit. “So, what are the plans?”

They stared at each other with Rebecca weirded out on the sudden silence.

“I thought you were the one that had some explaining to do.” She said.

“I really couldn’t shake you off about it…” He said with a deep sigh.

James then reached his hand into his bag and took out an envelope. Then he slowly hands it over to Rebecca.

“What’s this?” She looks confused and wondering about the content. There is the receiver’s name on the front side of the envelope, For Anna Only. “Is this the girl?”

“Yes, this is the girl. Also, I need to you to give her a copy of my book.”

“Why can’t you give it to her directly?” Rebecca could not help to ask.

“Well, I will be going back to my parents’ house later. My current condition doesn’t really allow me to stay here.” Slightly tilting his head avoiding eye contact.

“Is this related to the reason why you were hospitalized? I never knew why.”

James took a deep breath and looked at her.

“Rebecca, my days are counted. I was hospitalized because of cancer. The doctors don’t even think I can get through this month.” While trying to brighten up the topic with a little awkward laugh.

Rebecca stared with shocked written all over her face. Even her mouth was a little open.

“James! I didn’t know!” She then left her seat and hugged him. Tears were falling slowly from her eyes. “I’m sorry to hear it, James.”

“I’m fine… I’m fine… I wanted to spend my last days away from the city. Together with my family and maybe a peaceful funeral as well.” While being tightly hugged by her.

A few moments later she let go of her arm and releasing James. She returned to her chair and take a deep breath. “So, have you told her about this? Why you didn’t want to give it yourself?”

He knew she is going to ask him that question.

“Well… I don’t think it is wise for me to see her now. She has been busy and telling this just makes me a selfish guy that really need attention. Besides, I don’t want her affection of me out of pity. My letters would explain it and the book will add it up. I prefer my existence in her life stays as a friend by the time I’m no longer here.”

“James… That doesn’t make any sense at all… Do you love her or not?” She asked sternly.

“I do love her… But why I should make it worse for her? She would not even consider me. She is better with someone else but me!” James trying to explain but she knew that James gave up on his crush.

“Fine. I do not want to argue this with you. I’ll help you and you just do the things that you wanted. Where I can find this girl?” She gave up arguing and speaks in quite a neutral tone.

“Thanks. This is the contact and address. I really appreciate your help, Rebecca.” Thanking her while giving a faint smile. After that conversation, Rebecca no longer bringing that topic and started to talk about how the book will be marketed and his earnings on the book later on. Soon after, she left him after another warm hug and goodbye.

James returned to his apartment and packing his belonging. After he finished packing, he sat down near the window and stare the sky. He starts to wonder if what she told Rebecca is the best thing for Anna. Is it really to save Anna from bothering herself with his problem or he just running away and keep everything to himself.

Then he shook his head, he already made up his mind. It is better for everyone if it stays this way.

He then rests himself on the bed and fallen asleep. He has a busy start tomorrow morning. He will drop to see Ms. Turner first before leaving the city by train to his parent house. It will be a long day.

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