Risk It All
Evidently, I woke up the next day feeling like crap. I was grumpy and very tired. I needed my beauty sleep to be sociable. I’d been sleeping badly the whole week, antsy with anticipation about the weekend hangout. Now I had the night of hell that kept me awake thinking naughty thoughts about Matt.
Now I looked like a total train wreck.
The fact that I woke up first and spent twenty minutes staring at Matt sleeping on the floor didn’t help matters for me. I was pathetic, I know that. I swear I tried to fight these feelings, but it was a battle I lost every day. I mean, come on! Just look at him sleeping? All...cute and delicious like that.
It wasn’t fair!
Why couldn’t he be drooling, snoring or doing something that could make him a little less appealing? Most people wake up with snots all over their faces and puffy bags under their eyes, but not Mathew. He looked perfect with his perfect blond hair falling softly over the pillow and those lips that looked so inviting...
I shook my head, rubbed my face in frustration, bit back a grunt, and stood up. Maybe a bath could help me feel better.I walked out of the bathroom actually feeling a little better, but I still missed my coffee fix.
Matt was already up by the time I was out of the shower. I found him sitting on the couch downstairs, dressed with his gray sweat pants and white singlet shirt, munching on a bowl of cereal and watching some cartoons on the TV.
He could look all Mister smoking hot one minute, and the next like a little kid, munching fruit loops and chuckling lightly at silly cartoons. He was so damn cute!
“Hey, what do you want to do today?” he asked, eyes glued to the television. “I’ve got some movies we could watch, or we could go out and do something.”
“Actually, I need coffee.” I was really craving for some caffeine. “Like, desperately. Can we go to Starbucks and get me some, pretty please?”
I don’t function well without my coffee fix, but Matt never has coffee in his house. He can’t stand the taste of it and says it makes him feel weird and gives him stomach cramps.
“Sure. I forgot about your fix. Can you wait ’till I finish eating here, or is the withdrawal too strong already?” he joked.
I started shivering and convulsing on the couch just for show, making him laugh and spit some milk through his nose.
“I can wait. The pain comes and goes, but I can wait.” I whispered weakly.
“I’ll eat quickly, don’t worry.” he promised, eyes still glued on the TV.
“Kay,” I said, leaning back on the couch and staring at the ceiling. “Hey, Matt, can we go now?”
“I’m still eating.”
“All right... how about now?”
“And now? Finished already?”
I sighed loudly and turned my head to look at him.
“Hey, Matt...” I changed my voice to a more serious tone.
“Can I ask you something? It’s about something kind of important.”
“Sure, Taylor,” he said, turning away from the TV and looking at me.
“But answer me honestly, okay?”
“Do you think we can go get my coffee now?”
He stared at me for a second before he rolled his eyes and stood up. “Fine, let’s go. I know you won’t stop nagging me until you get what you want. Come on, you addict. Let’s go get your poison already,” he said, walking upstairs to his room to put some clothes on.
Twenty minutes later, I was skipping happily along the sidewalk with a huge cup of coffee in hands. I had asked for a double everything in that order. The size of the grin on my face was equivalent of the amount of caffeine in my cup. It was quite the huge grin. Thank God there was a coffee shop in walking distance from Matt’s house.
“You really love this stuff, don’t you? I can hear your heart beating faster from here.” Matt mused with one hand inside his jeans pocket and the other holding his small cup of coffee.
“Coffee is heaven. I can’t believe you actually ordered one for yourself this time! You always say you hate it,” I said proudly.
“Yeah, I might as well give it another try. I need something to help me wake up today, because someone didn’t let me sleep all night long, with all the tossing and turning.”
“Oh, oops! Sorry about that.” I gave him a guilty sideway glance. I didn’t know I’d kept him awake the whole night too.
“If you would at least tell me what’s bothering you so much to make you stay awake all night...” he tried probing one more time. He knew something was upsetting me, and that I was hiding it from him.
But I’d managed to hide my feelings from him all these years. Why was he so suspicious all of a sudden? Maybe I was slipping, maybe I was making it too obvious now, and he was starting to pick up on things...
I was going to have to be more careful. I had no clue how Matt would react to this ‘news’. If he stopped talking to me…I didn’t even want to think about it. It was just too horrible. He could never know.
“There’s nothing bothering me, Matt. Would you drop it already? Why wouldn’t I tell you, if there was really something bothering me?” I inquired while trying to sound casual as I took another sip of my coffee.
He didn’t say anything after that and we walked back to his home in silence. Whatever he was thinking, he seemed to drop it after we got inside his house.
Today was Sunday, the last day of our date, I mean, weekend hangout (curses!) and I wanted to make the best of it. We made some popcorn, watched a couple of movies, and had cold pizza for lunch. When it started to get dark outside, he went to his room to get something and ended up tripping over my backpack.
The bottle of vodka that Jesse had snuck inside, as part of her devious plan to get Matt drunk, rolled over onto the floor and Matt crouched next to it to inspect it.
“Taylor Holmes, what is this?” He held onto the bottle, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“Oh. Jesse put this bottle in my bag.” I explained. “She said it’s a gift, to help you get over your break up.”
“And why on Earth haven’t you told me about this before?” he reproached me. “Come on! It’s not too late to have ourselves a par-Tay!” he exclaimed, jumping excitedly out of the room to get some shot glasses.
I watched him leave the room with weary eyes. I mean, a drunk Matt was okay to handle, I guess. He was probably going to jump hectically around for a while and pass out on the couch, but what about me, drunk... losing control…close to Matt?
I had a bad feeling about this.
Many vodka shots later, I had no bad feelings whatsoever in my slurred, blurry, bubbly head. Everything looked great! Nah, it looked awesome, and sort of hilarious. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stop laughing. Okay, I guess I was a little bit drunk. Just a tiny, itsy-bitsy little bit. In my defense, Matt was way worse than I was.
But who cares, anyway! I felt great!
Then Matt was telling me a joke that I didn’t quite get, but I was laughing my ass off anyway because it sounded like a hilarious joke, and he was cracking up laughing as well. I fell off the couch from all the laughing, which made Matt laugh even harder.
“Oh, man, please, no more jokes! I beg you, Matt! I can’t take it anymore, my stomach is hurting!” I gasped, dragging myself on the floor and leaning my head on the foot of the couch. Matt laid by my side, leaning his head on the couch as well.
“All right, no more jokes. Let’s take a break.” he agreed, still chuckling. “Don’t want to make your soft tummy hurt.” he teased, patting my stomach.
“Shut up! It’s not ‘soft’. You’re daft! It’s fit like a brick.” I corrected him, grabbing his hand and shoving it away from me.
He laughed hard and started poking me again, just to piss me off. I tried to swat him away, but he kept poking and then I was pushing him while he tried to pull, both of us laughing hard in a kind of arm wrestling contest.
Since I was way smaller, and Matt was a hundred times fitter and stronger than me, he ended up pinning me to the ground. Half of his upper body was on top of me, and both of his hands gripping my wrists tightly, pressing them by the side of my head.
I tried to break free a couple times but Matt was wickedly strong. So I gave up and stopped struggling. He had me pinned, and that was where I was going to stay, until he decided to release me. It was useless to fight against him. Plus, all that vodka had left me too weak to hold up a proper fight.
“Gave up already?” he sneered with a wicked grin.
He loved to win at anything. That boy couldn’t live without a competition.
“Yes, Matt. You’re stronger, you win. There’s nothing I can do about it,” I said, rolling my eyes at this pointless competition.
“Aw, come on, you barely tried to escape.” he teased. “You give up way too fast, Tay.”
I rested my head on the floor and watched him gloat. The truth was, I really didn’t want to escape, did I? Why would I want to do that? He was half way on top of me, his face really close, his hands grabbing my arms, making my skin burn a little. It was great! I wish we could stay like this forever.
“You know me. I’m a lover, not a fighter.” I mused, licking my lips.
Matt was smiling in victory but then his eyes flickered to my lips and then back to my eyes again.And in that brief movement, that flitting moment, that half of a second was what it took to seal my doom.
That quick flicker of his eyes made Jesse’s evil plan sneak back into my head, and I thought that maybe, it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Maybe I should really try something. Maybe he could really feel the same way about me.
What if I could have my dream boy tonight?
Every frustrating repressed feeling rushed to my slurred mind, making me light headed. I was too dizzy and too happy to care about any consequences. Matt was too close, lips swollen and cheeks tinted with a little pink from the rush of all the alcohol, his breath fanning over my face, making me falter, making me weak.
He stopped smiling, sensing the change in my mood. He let go of my wrists and stared at me, looking for something in my eyes.
“Tay...” Matt began to say, his face inches away from mine but I didn’t let him finish. I cupped his face with both hands and then closed the remaining distance that separated our lips.
I couldn’t believe I had the guts to kiss him.
I had finally made a move. It was reckless and impetuous and definitely impulsive, and I knew all this courage was fueled by tons of vodka, but in that moment, all I cared about was to finally be able to know what it felt like to kiss him.
So I kissed him.
I kissed the boy of my dreams.
But that wasn’t the most astonishing thing that happened to me that night. It wasn’t the way his lips felt on mine, so perfect, so warm and sweet. It wasn’t the softness of the kiss, or how amazing it tasted, as I dreamt it would be.It wasn’t the fact that he stopped, frozen in shock, for a couple of seconds over me either.
That wasn’t what amazed me the most.
The most surprising thing was when he kissed me back.