Worst Day Ever
He kissed me back.
I felt like I was dreaming.
Matt was kissing me back.
It only lasted a few seconds, but he definitely kissed me back. I could feel his lips moving softly over mine. It felt like heaven.And then reality came crashing down on me, ripping everything to shreds.
Matt jolted back and away from me, his bright blue eyes wide and his face draining of all color. I had never seen Matt as pale as he was then.
He stumbled back and crawled away from me. His mouth opened, as if he was about to say something, but nothing came out of it. And then it hit me. I realized what I had just done. I had kissed him and the look on his face said it all. He was definitely not happy. In fact, he looked like he was about to be sick.
Oh God, he was disgusted of me. I made him feel sick! He was going to hate me and I was going to lose my best friend! How stupid I was to try to kiss him? What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking! I didn’t think. I just acted on impulse, because of all that damn vodka!
Before I could apologize or even say anything, Matt’s face turned into a weird shade of green and he quickly put a hand over his mouth. He looked like he was about to throw up right there.
“Oh... God,” he whimpered and stood up hesitantly before he darted fast to the bathroom upstairs, stumbling over the staircase while he tried to hold the contents of his stomach inside.
I sat on the floor and watched him leave. Then I heard muffled sounds of him throwing up coming from upstairs. Yep, that sounded about right. He was totally disgusted of me. Of course he was, his best friend had tried to take advantage of him and now he must be feeling violated and sick. He was probably going to punch me in the face for what I did. I definitely deserved a punch.
My heart beat fast in panic as I looked around. What could I do? Maybe I could leave. I could walk home… but my house wasn’t exactly close and it was the middle of the freaking night. Matt was going to come back soon and I couldn’t face him! Just thinking about looking him in the eyes right now made me feel sick. I didn’t know what to say to him, how I was going to explain myself, explain what I did? Why did I do it? He was going to hate me!
My stomach clenched and churned inside. I rushed into the guest’s bathroom close to the living room, locked the door and leaned over the sink, splashing cold water over my face. I didn’t have the courage to look at my reflection in the mirror. I couldn’t even face myself.
Why did I have to do that? It was all Jesse’s fault! Her and her stupid plan! I was going to lose my best friend now because of that awful plan.
I slid down on the floor, bent my knees and curled up in a ball. Jesse... she would know what to do. I needed to call her.I patted my jeans and cursed under my breath. My cellphone was outside, probably on the coffee table. Maybe I could get out and back again really fast?
“Taylor?”Matt’s muffled voice came from outside.
He was in the living room, by the sound of it. Shit, shit, shit! I strained to listen, trying to guess what Matt might be doing outside. I sure as hell wasn’t coming out of this bathroom now.
I heard some shuffling and low muttering by the living room. I grunted under my breath. All I could do now was wait. Maybe I could live here forever. People can survive on sink water, right?
I leaned my face against the cold tiled wall and I think I passed out at some point, because all I remember was blinking slowly and then I woke up feeling all stiff. My neck hurt like hell, my head throbbed and my mouth tasted like a rat had died in it.
I patted my pockets and remembered my phone was outside. What time was it? Maybe I could risk getting out. I unlocked the door, trying to be as quiet as possible. It was morning already outside, because a soft, hazy, yellow light drifted through the living room’s window, announcing the early hours of Monday.
I walked slowly out and stopped dead in my tracks. Matt was sleeping right there, on the living room couch, completely knock out. I hurried to the front door, trying to be as quiet as a mouse so I wouldn’t wake him up. When I stepped outside his front door, my heart was pounding so hard in my chest, I thought it was going to crawl out of my mouth. My head hurt badly and my stomach twisted inside in knots.
Vodka, you awful, awful thing. I hate you so much. I will never drink you again. You are an evil drink, and I hate you. Because of you, I did what I did and my life was ruined now.
I was glad I always carried some change in my jean’s pockets, for occasions just like this one, when you make the biggest mistake of your life and then need to leave in a hurry the next morning and take the bus to school.
Soon I was stepping out of the bus and walking through the school’s front gates. It was so early that only the people who worked in the school had arrived. I headed straight to my classroom and glanced at the clock on the wall. There were still two hours before classes would begin. I felt so tired, like my feet had iron balls on them. And my head and stomach still hurt.
I waited with my head resting on the table, contemplating my life without Matt from now on. I felt like crying. But my eyes were too dry and empty, just like my heart and everything else inside me. Soon, Matt would be arriving at school and I was going to have to face him. We had second period together. There was no way out of it.
I had to apologize for what I did. Maybe he could forgive me?
I blinked startled because someone was shaking me.
“What? What?” I asked drowsily.
“Taylor, dude. You’re sleeping in the classroom. First period is about to start, wake up!” a boy said.
I blinked at him, confused. Did I know him? He seemed to know me. I didn’t remember him at all. Oh, wait, I guess I did, it was... Dwight something, I think.
“Hey… Dwight?” I risked.
Dwight it is.
The teacher entered the room, interrupting us, and everybody started to sit on their chairs. Dwight gave me a confused look before he went to sit as well. I realized I had no backpack, no books, no pen or notepad, no anything, so I just stared at the board and spaced out during the whole class. My mind kept replaying last night and my stomach would twist inside at the memories.
My head began hurting slightly more when the loud sharp bell rang, announcing the end of class.The time had come for second class. Matt was going to be there.
I needed to face him. Or maybe I could hide in the bathroom and stay there until this horrible day was over? It had worked pretty well last night. It sounded like a solid plan to me.
So I hurried through the packed hallways with my head hung low as I stared at the floor to avoid looking at people’s eyes. I knew I looked like crap; someone was bound to ask what happened. The bathroom door was right there; just a few more steps and I would be safe-
“Tay!” Jesse yelled and stepped in front of me, blocking my way. “I was looking all over for you! I called your phone like a billion times! Why weren’t you answering?”
“I left my phone at Matt’s.” I mumbled, wincing at her voice.
Darned headache was returning with a vengeance.
“And why weren’t you at Matt’s when I went to pick you up? Matt wasn’t there either! He had left already. Thanks for letting me know, by the way. I parked in front of his house for five freaking minutes waiting for you guys. What happened? God, you look awful. Are you hung over? Did you guys drink my vodka? Are you feeling okay?” Jesse fired one question after another without pausing for air.
I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes, trying to summon the energy to endure her interminable interrogatory.
“Jesse, seriously, can we do this later? My head is killing me...” I muttered in a bad mood. I wanted to growl but didn’t have enough energy to do it.
“Oh, so you are hung over. That means you drank the vodka! Did my plan work? Tell me! Tell me!” She clapped her hands excitedly and waited for my answer.
“Your plan sucks, Jessica. I hate your plan. You don’t know how much your plan blows!” I shouted upset, wincing from the sharp pain stabbing my head. I wanted to bite her head off. It was all her fault anyway, her and her stupid plan.
“Oh no…” She stopped squirming and looked at me full of concern. “What happened?”
“What did you think it was going to happen, Jesse? Matt hates my fucking guts, that’s what! Are you happy? Is this what you wanted to hear?” I snapped angrily.
She frowned at me, her expression suddenly grim. “I’m going to forgive you now Taylor, because you’re hurting and you need someone to blame. Okay, so it’s my fault. Tell me what happened. Did you guys have a fight?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Come on, Tay.”
“No! I said I don’t want to talk about it. It doesn’t even matter anymore! I screwed up, okay? I made a huge mistake and now he hates me. There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s over. I need to go to the bathroom and stay there forever now, move away.”
“So your plan is to hide in the bathroom all day long and avoid dealing with it?”
“That’s the plan. Now if you excuse me...”
I was about to push her away and head for the bathroom when Matt appeared out of nowhere and stopped right in front of me.
“Uh... h- hey.” he stuttered, shifting on his feet.
“Hey...” I trailed off and stared at the floor, unable to meet his eyes.
A few seconds of awkward silence followed, neither of us daring to look at each other while Jesse glanced back and forth from me to Matt, trying to understand what had happened between us.
I risked a peek at Matt. He had a miserable look on his face. Well, at least he didn’t look mad or about to beat the crap out of me. That was good.
Okay, the silence was stretching for way too long. This was so uncomfortable. What could I say to him? Maybe I could start apologizing? Yeah, I could try to apologize to him. “Listen Matt, about-”
“You forgot your phone.” he blurted out, “It was on the table. You forgot… Here.” He shoved the phone in my hands.
“Uh, t-thanks,” I said.
“Right. So... I’ve got to go,” he said, turned and left in a hurry.
I knew this was bound to happen, but I never imagined it would hurt like this. Jesse must have seen the pain in my face, because she refrained to make any smart-ass comment about it.
“Tay... look, it’s not as bad as it seems.” She reached out, trying to comfort me.
“No. Just… don’t.” I swatted her away and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t need her pity. I didn’t need her to see my heart shattering into a million pieces. That was the reason I had never confessed my feelings to Matt. That was why I had been so afraid.
The awkward silence and uncomfortable glances…
Losing him for good...
As soon as I walked inside the bathroom my stomach lurched violently and I ran to the toilet to throw up bile. I walked out of the stall just wanting to lay down somewhere and die already.
“You’re not looking so good, son.” My English teacher, who had entered the bathroom while I was puking my guts out in the stall, noted, while giving me a worried onceover.
“Really, that’s so strange, because I feel so freaking dandy, sir.” I retorted sarcastically.
“I don’t think you’re in any condition to attend any classes right now. Why don’t you go to the infirmary and let the nurse have a look at you?”
I quickly thanked him and hurried out of the bathroom. I knew I couldn’t handle a torturous class with Matt in it now, and I couldn’t deal with Jesse’s pity looks and her million questions about what happened. I didn’t even bother to go to the nurse, I just walked out of the front gates and headed straight home. It was a long way to go, but I didn’t have any money left for the bus anymore and anything was better than staying at school at that point.
I needed to get away from Matt, get away from his rejection, his disgust of me.
Of course, with just my luck, rain started to pour down all the way to my house. I didn’t mind that either. This was still better than staying at school.
I arrived at home completely drenched and feeling like hell’s doormat. I took off my wet clothes, tossed them on the floor before trudging to my bed and crawling under the covers. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
I woke up with the sound of my parents talking and preparing dinner downstairs. My head didn’t hurt anymore but my stomach still felt a little queasy. Mom yelled that dinner was ready and I yelled back that I had already eaten something. I didn’t feel like going downstairs in my current state. Mom would probably force me to eat and my stomach was warning me against it.
I went back to sleep, but woke up in the middle of the night hungry. I grabbed a large T-shirt and an old sweat pants and put them on before I snuck out of the room to grab something to eat downstairs.
After a quick night snack, I returned to my room to rest again, but I couldn’t sleep anymore. I stared at the ceiling and replayed the day over and over in my head.
The look on Matt’s face…
The way he handed me my phone...
How he couldn’t even look me in the eyes.
I didn’t even get the chance to say I was sorry. He didn’t let me apologize.
Maybe I could try again? I grabbed my phone and lay in bed staring at it, trying to decide whether to call him or not. There were a lot of missed calls from Jesse, but none from Matt. Not one call from him. I sighed. He used to call me at least once a day. It was like a tradition. Not today. Not anymore. Not ever again.
I gathered a smidgen of courage and dialed his number. I hung up before it could even begin to connect. I dialed again, and then hung up again. Crap, crap, crap! Why was I being such a coward? Just apologize to him already Taylor, damn it!
I stared at my phone, but I couldn’t bear to hear the hate in Matt’s voice, so I decided to send him a text instead. Matt couldn’t hang up in my face with a text. I glared at the screen, trying to think what to text him. A million things passed through my head, but all I could muster was a ‘I’m sorry.’
I typed the message and hit send.
There. Done. Now I could try to get some sleep, there was nothing I could do about this anymore. I sighed and was about to put the phone over my nightstand when it rang, making me yelp in surprise. I answered it in a hurry, so it would stop ringing and waking everyone in the house, and I ended up not looking who was calling. “Hello?”
Oh dear God. It was Matt.
His voice sounded strained, anxious. I tried to speak but I was too scared to say anything.
“Taylor?” Matt’s voice buzzed again at the other side of the line.
“Y-Yeah?” Was all I managed to say.
“You couldn’t sleep either?” he asked.
Apparently that was the only word coming out of my mouth tonight.
“I... I got your message.”
And now you wanted to say to leave you the hell alone, to stop texting you, talking to you, to get out of your life for good.
“I’m calling to apologize...” he said instead.
I gaped at the phone. “Apologize?” I couldn’t hide the shock in my voice this time.
“Yeah, you know, about early today... at school. I tried to find you after school was over, to apologize in person, but people were saying you left early.”
“I wasn’t feeling good. I came home.”
“I thought you were pissed at me and left.” he mumbled.
“What? Why would I be pissed at you?”
“Huh, cause of what I did?”
Eh. Come again? What the hell was this boy talking about?
“Listen, man, I’m really sorry! I’m sorry about... everything, okay?” he said.
I didn’t know what to reply.
“Please, Tay, don’t be like this. I am really sorry! I just... I wasn’t thinking, all right? I was really drunk! I swear I didn’t mean for that to happen. And then I got really nervous and my stomach was hurting, but it wasn’t you... It was all that vodka, I drank too much, plus there was that coffee in the morning, you know that shit upsets my stomach! It was that damn coffee that made me sick like that!”
Yeah. Blame it on the coffee, Matt.
“And then I think I passed out on the couch and when I woke up you were gone,” he continued, “I thought you were angry at me and left. When I met you at school I panicked! You looked so upset... I didn’t want to fight with you, so I just walked away and-”
“Matt! Matt!” I cut in, “I’m not mad at you!”
He paused on the other side of the line.
“Really?” he asked hesitantly.
“Really, I thought you were mad at me.”
“Ah. Huh… Really?”
“That’s… so stupid.”
“Guess we’re both idiots then.”
“Guess so.” He chuckled.
My heart gave a somersault. I could breathe again. Matt wasn’t mad. He didn’t hate me. “Listen, Matt, can we just forget about this? Pretend it never happened and go back to the way things were before?” I asked hesitantly.
A deep relieved sigh followed on the other side of the line. “Yeah, okay.”
Only it wasn’t ‘okay’ at all because I had to go back to pretending I wasn’t madly in love with him. Well, at least he would be in my life again. That was worth all the pretending in the world. I’d do anything to have Matt in my life again, even if it was just as my best friend.
“I was waiting for you to call all day.” He muttered with a hint of complaint in his tone.
“Why didn’t you call me?” I asked.
“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me. You’re really not mad, right?”
“No, Matt. I’m not. This was just a big misunderstanding. We were drunk, we acted stupid, let’s just forget about it, ok?” I pleaded.
I was so damn lucky that Matt was such a big oaf! He didn’t realize I was the one responsible for all this mess in the first place. How on Earth did he switch things and put all the blame on himself?
“Ok. So… I’ll see you tomorrow at school?” he asked.
“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”
“And…You’re not mad.”
I chuckled. “No, Matty.”
“You know I can see when you’re lying, right? When we meet tomorrow, I’ll know if you’re really mad or not, right?”
He would really know. Matt was the only one able to force the truth out of me. Even Jesse with all her nagging wasn’t as good as him. I had a soft spot for those baby blues eyes of his, all Matt needed was to stare at me with those eyes and I’d cave and tell him everything he wanted to know.
“Yes Matty, I know.”
“All right then. See you tomorrow, Holmes.”
“See you tomorrow, Matt.”