My eyes widened in shock and fear.“David! You scared the shit out of me!” I hissed at my ex-boyfriend.
“You look hot today,” he said with a smirk. “It’s been a long time, Taylor...”
His eyes lingered downwards and his curly brown locks fell over his eyes. I could feel myself already getting drawn to him.
No! My mind flashed in a big red warning sign. I tried to push him away, but David has always been stronger than me. “Get off me,” I said, but it was a feeble warning and we both knew it.
He smirked again and leaned in, pressing his whole body against mine.
“Come on, Taylor, don’t be like this.” He pleaded softly.
I struggled against his hold, trying to break free but that only made him press against me harder. “Taylor, please, stop struggling! I just want to talk!” he snapped angrily, while he gripped my wrists with force, locking them on my back.
I winced in pain, the pressure he was putting over my wrist increased ever so slightly, every time I tried to make him let go of me.
“Taylor, stop!” The sharpness in his tone made me freeze.
I knew how David’s temper could explode in a matter of a second. There was always this tone before he snapped. After that, there was no escape, and no way to make him stop.
I looked down, trying not to cry and to hide how scared I was feeling.
“Tay, please...” he whispered, his voice changing to a softer tone. “I just want to apologize, okay? You didn’t let me apologize.”
“You apologized months ago, David.”
“But you didn’t listen to what I had to say. Not really. You just let me talk, but you didn’t listen. I just want a chance to apologize properly. Please,” he asked gently. “I tried to find you alone, so I could talk to you, but you’re never alone. He’s alwaysaround.” His voice switched to resentful and angry again.
I could see he was trying hard to keep his cool, but it took all of his will power to contain his fury, when the conversation brushed past Matt’s constant presence near me. It was one of the reasons we constantly fought about, back then, when we were dating. He was ever so jealous of Matt – madly jealous.
We fought and we fought, until one day, he finally showed me how mad he really was. And I took his wrath, because, let’s face it, what else could I do? He was twice as big, stronger and taller than me. Once David started lashing out, there was no stopping him; I learned this the hard way.
He punched my face, snapped my ribs, kicked me, beat me up… I ended up seriously injured, not only with broken bones, but also with a broken heart. My mom wanted to press charges, go to the cops… she was furious. I begged her not to, I begged her to just let it go.
David got off with three weeks of suspension at school, since the beating happened in an empty classroom and they were responsible for letting it happen. If it had been outside school, he’d have gotten away with no punishment at all.
I didn’t want any punishment though. All I wanted was for it to be over, to end this heartache that was crushing me inside. Despite all the hurt he had caused, I still remembered the way he had looked at me when we first met, the way he had smiled at me; he was sweet and gentle in the beginning. I tried to remember the beginning only, and bury the horrible last memories of him deep inside.
Let me be clear though, I didn’t want his suffering, but I didn’t want to be with him anymore either. What we had was over. He had ensured that it was, when he landed the first punch.
David tried to apologize the first day he returned to school, after his suspension was finished. I pretended to listen, but I wasn’t really. I didn’t care anymore. I only cared about mending my broken body and my heart at the time. So I stood there, let him stutter, and cry in front of me, asking for forgiveness.
Of course, he was only crying because we were alone, and because he knew there was no one watching. David didn’t have the balls to come out of the closet. That was the other thing we constantly fought about. I pressured him to come out all the time, because I didn’t want to hide about us being together anymore. The more I pressured, the more he resisted. He had his ‘rep’ to think about, it was much more important than my feelings, apparently.
How I could have imagined that pressing David was going to make him explode like that? I had learned my lesson though.The hardest possible way.
So I listened numbly to David’s apologies and when he was done talking, I walked away. We were over. There was no going back after what he did to me in that classroom. He went after me and tried to make me listen, and apologized again and again, trying to convince me to take him back. He was desperate to make me love him again. I could see that he was only a heartbeat away from snapping again, frustration had always been a trigger to make him lose his temper. When I tried to leave again, David grabbed me by the arm and out of nowhere, Matt arrived, pounding on him like a bulldozer.I’d never seen Matt so angry.
No, I’m lying, I’d seen Matt that angry before. It was the day I woke up in a hospital bed. Matt was the one who found me unconscious in the classroom, after David had left me there, bleeding on the ground. He was the one who took me to the hospital, called my mom, and waited there by my side. He was the first thing I saw when I woke up, and the look in his eyes shone with unimaginable anger.
The same anger that I saw while he beat the crap out of David in that parking lot. I thought Matt was going to kill him that day. He seemed possessed. I was so scared. Scared for David, I didn’t want him dead! Scared for Matt, he was surely going to get in a lot of trouble because of that. I think it was the pleading in my voice that made Matt stop punching David.
Matt didn’t get into any trouble though. David’s parents were absent, which wasn’t that unusual. The principal turned blind eyes and pretended nothing had happened. And I never talked to David again after that.
Maybe it was because of Matt’s threats. He told David if he ever saw him near me again, he was going to beat the crap out of him again, and expose him to the whole school as gay. I didn’t know what scared David most, the punches or the exposure.
We all resumed our lives the best we could then, while David mended his pride and wounds, and Matt watched over me with zealous vigilance.David had been smart enough to stay away…
Up until now.
“Ifhewasn’t glued to you twenty four seven hours of the day, I could’ve had a chance to talk to you, and apologize like I ought to.” He explained the reason for his long forced absence.
“He’s just looking out for me, David.”
He exhaled and glanced down. “He was right to do what he did. I deserved it.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s in the past. Let’s just forget about it.”
“No! I won’t forget about it!” He cried out, and took a deep breath, lowering his voice. “I’m not letting this go. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I... I screwed up, Tay. I know I fucked it all up, but you have to forgive me!” He begged, leaning closer.
“That’s fine, Dave. I forgive you. I really do, but that doesn’t change anything. We’re still over. Just... let me go.” I whispered. “You need to let me go now.”
His brown eyes glinted, filled with tears. He looked so sad, but then a soft smile showed on his lips. “You called me ‘Dave’.”
I used to call him ‘Dave’ when we were dating and we made up after a fight.
I rolled my eyes. “It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just force of habit, David.” I tried to push him off me again, but he pushed back, pinning me against the wall.
“I’m not over you. I’ll fight for you, I’ll get you back.” He promised and then kissed me hard.
I was so shocked over his bold move that I stood frozen, unable to move a finger to make him stop. He still tasted as sweet as I remembered it. I hated myself for thinking that. I felt his fingers grazing through my wet hair, making me shiver as he kissed me. My breath hitched and so did his. His other hand slowly slid to my chest and down to the hem of my shirt, when I remembered why I wasn’t with him anymore.
“No, David! No!” I shouted and shoved him away from me.
He stumbled back with a look of surprise on his face. I shook my head, angry at myself for allowing this to happen.
“Tay, come on. Give me a chance! I’ve changed!” he pleaded once again.
“People don’t change that easily, David. You’re still ashamed of who you are. Nothing’s changed, and I’m over you. So you better get over me too.” I walked to the door, huffing angrily. How could I let this happen? How could I let him touch me like that again? I was such an idiot!
He run after me and caught me by the door.”Are you saying that if I come out, you’ll take me back?” he asked hesitantly.
“No. You better not, because I’m not taking you back. You’ll expose yourself for nothing, and then you’ll get on my neck, accusing me I was the one who made you do this. I don’t want that finger pointed at me. You don’t get to blame me for this, David. Just forget about me, please.”
“Come on, Tay. I know you still like me.”
I didn’t answer him. I was tired of repeating myself. We were over, why couldn’t he get the point across his thick head? I pushed the door open and walked out without sparing another glance at him.
“I hear there’s a party at Dwight’s house this weekend. He told me you were going. I guess I’ll see you there and we can talk some more,” he said, following me outside.
“We’re done talking, David.”
“No, we’re not!”
There it was, that dangerous tone of his again. The one that promised hell to pay if disobeyed.
“Matt is bound to be back any minute now. He said he was coming to get me, if I took too long in here. He must be on his way.” I warned him.
That did the trick. David stopped dead in his tracks and looked frantically around, trying to hear Matt’s incoming footsteps.
“Fine, I’ll go. Don’t want any trouble,” he said, taking a few steps back. “But I will see you at the party Saturday, Holmes.” He commanded like I had no other choice on the matter.Then he left.
I sighed in relief. You can see me all you want, pal, that’s all you’ll be doing, I mumbled to myself. No way in hell I was letting David get that close to me ever again.