Chapter 1
It wasn’t until I got closer to him that I realized he was dead. His name was Lindon James and he was my first love who also showed me I was living a lie.
One Year Earlier
I was woken up by my six-year-old sister Gem running into my room screaming “Happy last first day of high school”.
Gem ran out of my room before I was able to hit her with the pillow I threw. Gem was cute but wow she could be loud. I’m seventeen so there is a big age gap but I think that just makes me love her more. I feel very protective towards Gem. I care for her as a mother would and that’s because I am practically her mother. Our mother Ava left right after she gave birth to Gem. She told my dad Liam that she was unhappy with her life and handed Gem to me. At that moment I understood that Gem was going to be my responsibility. Dad did everything he could to keep the house running. He worked a lot of overtime to be able to pay for everything. This left me on Gem duty. Gem was truly an amazing baby; she slept great and didn’t cry. I thought her temperament would change when she got older but she is still the sweet baby she’s always been.
Just because Gem was easy though doesn’t mean that it wasn’t/ isn’t hard. I didn’t have a childhood like the rest of the kids my age did. I didn’t play kick the can or mantracker until the sun went down. I didn’t do any extracurricular activities after school, I’ve never even left Mintune, the town I live in. I had to stay home with Gem. Once she got old enough to sit up on her own I would take her to the park and go for a lot of walks. We would spend a lot of our time in a forest or by the water. When Gem turned four I started bringing paint supplies to our special spots and we’d paint what we could see.
I only had one friend Lou and she was in a lot of different after-school activities. I used to feel disconnected from my peers, but now I’m so used to it being me and Gem I wouldn’t know what to do if I had a lot of friends. Even though I don’t have friends besides Lou, I have always sensed somebody watching me. I told my dad once and he put me in counselling. I felt like my counsellor was trying to look for a problem that wasn’t there. Yes, I feel like somebody is watching me. Yes, my family situation is different. Yes, I love Gem probably an unnatural amount for a sister. I told my counsellor once that I feel stressed a lot of the time. Given my situation, I think that shows that I’m normal if I’m stressed out. Regardless, my counsellor said I have anxiety and a tool for helping it go away is journaling. I actually really enjoy it but I haven’t done it in a while.
I crawled out of bed and got ready for school. Because it was my last first day of high school I wanted to dress up a little. I wore my light jeans with a dark forest green blouse that matches my eyes. As I made my way downstairs I spotted Gem pouring herself cereal and dad helping her with the milk. Mornings are our thing, it’s the only time we get to spend with Liam before he starts his 12-hour workday as a lawyer. I try to make things as easy as possible for him, which I know he appreciates because every morning I wake up to a thank you text from him.
I sit next to Gem and pour myself some captain crunch. “How are you feeling about school today?” dad asks.
“I’m feeling pretty good about it. I’m going to meet up with Lou before the first period so we can hash out the plan for this year.”
My dad thinks I’m too organized, which I know is just a nice way to say controlling. I think my organizational skills are what keeps this family together. If it weren’t for me, my dad would go to Gem’s swim class and Gem would be attending my pre-calculus 12 class while I was in court defending my dad’s client. Talk about a mess.
By being the organized person that I am I was able to drop Gem off at school and meet Lou on time.
“So what is the plan this year El?” Lou asked. My name is Elsea but everyone calls me El.
”I just want to get my work done and leave this school. Maybe even our little town Mintune” My response got me a scolding look. “Hey, as you know these people here haven’t been very kind to me. I’m just ready and excited to meet new people who don’t know me or my situation.”
Everyone knows that Ava left our family the moment Gem came into this world. Everyone also knows that I became Gem's mother figure, which became the main content for jokes. Despite all of the teasing, I wouldn’t change a thing about Gem or our situation. I know it’s not very conventional but it works for us and Gem is happy so that’s all that matters. I was stuck in that thought until I heard the bell ring to let us know it was class time. As I open the door to my history class I got the sense that somebody was watching me. I turn to see who it is but no one is there. It takes me a moment to realize I hit someone when I opened the door...hard. Hard enough to have made him stumble and send his books flying.
“Oh my goodness I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there. I’m walking with my eyes wide shut apparently!” I rush over to help him pick up his books and I catch him smiling.
While picking up his books he says with a smirk “Did you say goodness?”
My breath catches in my throat when I look at him and I think I made a little whining noise. It’s all because of the smirk he gave me, that smirk could stop traffic. He has dark brown hair with light hazel eyes. His nose is a little crooked but his smile balances it out. I realized I was staring and I could feel my face turn beet red. I quickly handed him his books before turning to my usual spot to cover my face. I didn’t lift my head until I heard the teacher talking and that’s when I realized that the guy I hit was sitting right next to me..still smirking.
I get through the class without looking at him again and try to rush out the door when the bell rings. I say try because I did not succeed. He somehow got to the door before me and blocked me from leaving, but still managed to let my classmates go through.
“Hey! Not that you asked when you hit me with the door or anything but my name is Lindon James and I’m clearly new here.”
I can’t help thinking to myself if he is giving me attitude or if he is flirting with me. “Hey I’m El, I really didn’t mean to hit you with the door and I did say goodness.”
He gave me another car pile-up smile in response and held the door for me. When I walked through he asked me what my next class was. It turns out that we have all but one class together. He is in Gym when I have a spare.
As I sit in Science I can’t help but think why he decided to talk to me and why he keeps looking at me. I’ve been told that I am a pretty young woman, but that was from my dad and Lou agreed with him when she heard him say it. Parents and best friends have to say stuff like that so I take it with a grain of salt. I once overheard a group of girls talking in the bathroom stalls saying that they were jealous of my bright red hair and green eyes. Last year I started noticing that I was being noticed more. I got my first boyfriend last year and we dated for five months before I broke up with him. He just didn’t get the importance of Gem and how she will always come first.
All day Lindon has been striking up a conversation whenever he gets a chance. I’ve learned that he's from Calgary Alberta, he moved here to spend time with his mom whom he hasn’t lived with for three years. I also learned that he is an only child. His parents split because his mom Lynn had an affair with their neighbour. Lynn and the guy aren’t together anymore and she’s apparently happy gardening, whatever that means. Lindon also plays hockey and loves to read. He has tried to ask me questions but I always redirect them. I think he can tell I don’t want to talk about myself. All he knows about me is my class schedule.
The last bell of the day rang and Lindon said bye while walking to his car. I said bye back but I don’t think he heard me. I don’t normally have a problem talking to guys but something about Lindon has me acting differently.
Oh El, do better tomorrow, I thought to myself.
