Chapter 1 Insecurity Is A Bitch
I didn't realize when all the fun turned to torture and pressure, pressure to do better than you did yesterday. All the hard work and competition and not to mention the unnecessary and unwanted derepression and anxiety it gives which is unasked for. What should've been the best years of our life feels like hell. Bullying, getting bullied, comparing ourselves to others and compromising, getting our hearts broken, and getting betrayed by the people we trusted most. It's like a never-ending struggle.
And I'm not the only person who feels this way, sure I had my fair share of good moments too but this stress is overwhelming.
And right now my friend is feeling the feelings mentioned above as she yells on her phone to the person she's speaking to.
"How many times do I have to tell you that" My friend Erica groaned beside me when we were walking to our school.
She was talking to her ex-boyfriend.
"Don't ever think of calling me again you dumbshit" she sighed "If that was the reason we wouldn't be separated in the first place! "
"You know what? Fuck you, fuck Cindy and fuck all those bitches you go out with. I don't fucking care! "
Her ex-boyfriend cheated on her twice and they broke up a month ago yet he calls her stalks her and persuades her.
Talk about Toxic.
"Why did I go out with him in the first place? " She rolled her eyes and hung up.
"Because he had the most charismatic smile ever and eyes of an ocean" I mimicked Erica from 4 months ago. What were the words she used to say when they first started going out?
"I must've been blind" she huffed and I laughed. "Forget I ever said that"
"You good? " I asked seeing how annoyed her face looked.
"Hardly. I wish I could undo the moment we met. Gosh he's getting on my last nerves! " she started "I'm getting a new boyfriend ASAP"
"Oh no, you're not" seeing her so frustrated and making irrational decisions made me feel bad for her. She only deserves the best because she is the best."Let's go and study hard. Because Fuckboys aren't gonna pay our bills"
"Damn right" she nodded and we walked inside the school building.
"Hey Dahlia" Ashley came behind us "and Erica" She started walking beside us, her face looked nothing like mine or Erica's grumpy face, she looked happy.
"You two look like you've seen better days" she chuckles. "What happened? "
"Other than my ex calling me over and over again to get back together and you looking like you did no wrong to Dahlia, nothing happened," Erica said sarcastically. "Thanks for your concern though"
"Listen. " Ashley spoke "I don't know about your ex and certainly do not care. But doing wrong to Dahlia? I didn't do anything. We didn't want to make things awkward between us and that was the only reason we hid our relationship. And as a matter of fact, I have apologized for that quite a few times if you will"
"If apologizing can fix what's broken" Erica muttered and I sent her a glare and told her to not push this topic any further.
"Erica, please. This is between me and Dahlia don't make this any worse than it already is" Ashley said and Erica put her hands in the air.
What a great morning!
"Hey, girls" As we were walking down the hallway of our high school, Jacob aka my best friend came hugging Ashley from behind.
Erica and I didn't say a word. I was still mad about the whole secret relationship.
"Why didn't you pick up my call? " Ashley pouted "Where were you? "
"Was helping Mom" was all Jacob said and looked me in the eyes. I could see he felt guilty. I just knew that.
But I had my right to be mad. And Even if I didn't have feelings for him I would still feel the same way.
A best friend tells everything right?
"Lia. My mom wants you and Daisy to come over for a dinner tonight" I knew he was lying. If his Mom wanted, she would call me directly. "It's been a while she said"
"Tell your mom we can't make it. I'm kinda busy tonight, gotta study for the tests" I made a lame excuse.
"I know that's a lie"
"Oh, you do" I faked surprise.
"Lia come on. Don't be like that.." I rolled my eyes.
"Like what? Act as if nothing happened? Sure. " With that, I walked away, Erica and walking side by side.
If only they told me instead of getting caught making out in his room. Things would be different.
I was just so mad that my best friend for seven years dared to hide and date behind my back. And Ashley, too. What happened to sisters before misters?
It was summer vacation, and barely two weeks were left for this semester to start. That was when I witnessed the scene.
Jacob's mom had called me over to help her with her Garden. Jacob had no idea I was at his place and neither did I know he was home, Kelly said he was gone out to play baseball.
Once we were done I went to Jacob's room to clean myself up usually I don't knock on his door so I swung it open and walked in, only to find out Ashley sitting half naked on his lap as they made out.
My heart became the size of a peanut when I saw them together in that condition.
I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I just stood there dumbfounded.
"You okay? " Erica asked breaking me from
"Yeah. I'm fine" I shrugged off.
Erica and I walked to our lockers and then to our classroom grabbing the things we needed for the class. Our seats were at the very back of the class.
"Can you share with me the questions you picked? " I pulled out the papers of some important questions that could be asked in our tests.
As Erica skimmed through the paper I noticed Jacob and Ashley coming to class holding hands.
If my broken heart wasn't broken enough it broke even more at the sight of Jacob swiftly kissing Ashley's head as she sat down next to Maria and Jacob went to his friend Scott.
I closed my eyes for a few seconds and breathed.
Soon enough Mrs. Faith came in. She took the attendance and flipped through the pages of some sheet she was holding before clapping her hands, making us pay attention to her. I shifted my position to see the teacher's face better. It's hard sometimes sitting at the very back, especially with tall people sitting in front of me. But this was one of the few good decisions I made, no one bothers you while you study. Also, no one could notice if I were to take my phone out now.
"Alright class" Mrs. Faith announced "Let's change some seats. Amber sit next to Mikayla, and Erica sit next to Harvey"
Erica frowned and made a face but eventually got up taking her belongings and going to sit next to Harvey.
Armand raised an eyebrow, standing up and letting Erica sit in his place beside Harvey Jones.
"Armand.." The teacher scanned around biting her lips, her eyes landing on me.
"You'll be sitting next to Dahlia" the teacher announced.
Armand made a face looking at me and I heaved a groan.
"What? No! What's the purpose of this? " Armand protested and this was probably the very first time I agreed with him on something but Mrs. Faith shook her head and glared.
Sitting next to Armand Beckham? No thanks. I'll pass.
"The purpose is you're failing your classes and she's the topper so I'm hoping she'll at least influence you to pay attention during class and not doze off" Only then I noticed the way she has changed the seats, every topper sat next to the ones that were failing or doing extremely bad.
"Now hurry up"
And of course, Armand and Harvey are the 'Toppers from behind' so Erica and I had to sit next to them.
Armand cursed under his breath when Mrs. Faith turned around, he pointed his middle finger at her.
He slumped down beside me, and I pursed my lips.
"I know you're happy with this but don't get the wrong idea, I don't like nerdy and boring girls like you" he muttered, rolling his eyes.
I gaped at him, slamming my table lightly.
"What did you just say? " I glared at him.
"That I don't go for nerds like you. Why? Are you going to book me, Princess? " He repeated, snickering.
"Actually, no. I don't like this any more than you do. So just shut up" I retorted, glaring at him "Also, I don't go for fuckboys like you either"
I expected some clever remarks but instead, he looked at me and smirked.
I was not happy with this whole seat exchange thing, I just wanted to focus on my studies without any distractions and drama but I could feel the death stare from Samantha, who was sitting a few feets from me. Armand's ex or still his girlfriend, I had no idea.
I exchanged looks with Erica and she wasn't happy either. Her face held a big frown.
"You're enjoying my company, aren't you?" that boy said smirking again.
Gosh, how much I wanna wipe that freaking smirk off of his face.
"What makes you think that?"
"You are. Anyone enjoys my company. Stop denying it"
"Denying," I said, shrugging.
"You'll love me sooner or later"
" Later. Much, much later" I said distancing myself from him.
"By the way is it just me or have you become hotter this summer?" Armand remarked. "You look ravishing"
I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore what he said.
The rest of the classes went by pretty smoothly except for Armand bugging beside me now and then.
"That Harvey guy, ugh. Why did Faith have to do that to me" Erica whined eating her sandwich "You know he's so full of himself he didn't speak to me at all"
"Well, that's better than having someone in your hair at least" I sipped my coffee.
Erica started"At least that man's gorgeous" I almost choked on my food. "Girls don't throw themselves to him for nothing"
"I don't know about that" I shrugged not wanting to admit it even though I admit he is quite charming. He's always been. But only if he was a good person too.
I've known that guy since freshmen year and I've known him for being the same jerk that he is today. He used to bully other kids as well. Also we never really talked throughout those years except one time he asked me for notes.
"So what are you doing after the classes?" Erica asked.
"You know what I do every day" she nodded understanding.
I have no life. I'm the perfect definition of a Boring Nerd. My life consists of School, Home, and well that's it. Sometimes I do part times too.
"Hey there. The number one and number two... " Samantha and Loren came, standing in front of us with their arms crossed.
She looked at me with obvious anger. Her best friend didn't look any less irate.
"You must be very happy now that you've managed to get something you could never even dream of"
"Get what? "
"His attention. But don't get your hopes high because you don't even stand a chance against me, look at you now look at you" she laughed.
She was right though. Samantha is a pretty-looking girl, the dream of every guy I'd say. With long blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, tan skin, and a curvy body, she looks like a twenty-five years old supermodel but contrary to her looks her personality is bitchy and overall she's not a charming human being. I've seen her bully the weak.
"What do you want Samantha?" I asked although I had my guesses.
"Listen, Miss Topper, and listen carefully. I don't have a problem as long as you are just a bench mate to him but if you try to be any more than that, it won't be good for you" she pointed a finger at me "Take it as a suggestion, or a warning and stay away from my man. You got that"
"Insecurity is such a bitch" I muttered looking at Erica, she snickers.
"What did you just say?"
"Oh nothing" I shook my head.
"You think you're really smart? Huh?"
"Didn't you just say I'm the number one? " I smiled which made her more irritated.
"You're such a bitch" Loren said for the first time.
Seeing that now Erica opened her mouth as well. "Who did you call a bitch you little wannabe" She put her sandwich down and sat straight.
It wasn't a one-on-one anymore.
"You and her. Bitch" Loren repeated and rolled her eyes. Samantha stood glaring at me with her arms crossed.
"If sitting next to a classmate because the teacher told, makes us a bitch then what does picking a fight over a guy who doesn't even give a shit about you make?" Erica replied. "Oh, I get it. Pests" she looked at them contently and said in a slow yet loud tone "Insecure pests"
Erica's choice of words.
I pressed my lips together, holding the urge to laugh.
"Listen Samantha. Instead of fighting for nothing why don't you go and talk to your boyfriend about it, I'm sure you'll get your misunderstandings cleared” I'm usually the person who stays away from drama so I said nicely or at least tried so that I could prevent this from becoming an actual fight.
"Yes, you said it. He's my boyfriend, don't forget that. He's mine. He's my man" Samantha breathed sharply and I'm not sure if she knows but she sounded so desperate and insecure "So it'll be best for the both of us if you get that into your thick skull"
"Oh please," I rolled my eyes. "Keep your man. I'm interested in anything but 'your man'. So chill." I said rolling my eyes. "Besides, he's just not my type. Seriously what makes you t--"
"Really? I'm not your type?" A deep raspy voice said and I looked to find Armand standing there with a raised eyebrows.
Where did he come from now?
He walked closer to us maintaining eye contact with me, and the four of us looked at him.
"Say that again" He speaks, his hands inside his jeans pocket.
"You. Are. Just. Not. My. Type" I repeated word by word "There you go"
I fake-smiled at him and he smirked. "Ouch"
"Hey, Armand. What are you doing here? Came here to see me? " Suddenly Samantha's voice changed and so did her facial expressions.
"No. I came to give this to Dahlia" He said, I furrowed my eyebrows and Samantha bite her lips in anger.
Did I just make myself an enemy?
"Here," he took something out from his pocket and threw it toward me, noticing what it was I caught it with one hand. It was an Eraser he borrowed from me, well more likely took it without permission during class.
Did he just call me Flower?
"Keep it and give me back tomorrow" He continued "I'll need that and see you later 'cause I'm done with the class" he rolled his eyes then smirked "Don't miss me too much"
I rolled my eyes and the three of them watched and stood there in surprise at the way he was talking to me.
And if looks could kill, I'd be dead because of Samantha.
"Just go already"
I noticed him carrying his bag.
Why is he ditching the rest of his classes?
But do I care? No.
Not my business what he does or where he goes.
But before he left, he walked closer to me, looking me in the eyes, and slowly leaning in to whisper "And just so you wait till I make myself your type"
Armand backed off, smiling at me.
I gave him a look, still processing the words he whispered in my head. I swear if it was someone else, some other girl in my place right they'd be flattered and felt butterflies in their stomachs because of how hot it sounded. Take Samantha, she'd dance a happy dance but because it's me I thought of it as nothing but a fuckboy thing.
"K, I'm off" and with that, he walked away leaving four confused and angry faces.
"What the fuck?!" Samantha said giving me a last glare before following Armand "Armand. Wait! Baby!" Loren left too and I sighed a deep sigh.
"So tell me what exactly happened... " Erica asked.
"Trust me, I wanna know myself