When I Look at You

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Chapter Twenty Eight

Mom died the next day. She was awake talking to her nurse and I about the weather and her favorite bands in the morning. She said she was going to take a nap since she was tired and never woke up. Melinda said that her heart just stopped beating in her sleep. They didn’t even try to revive her due to her wishes. I stood there as they carried her body out into the coroner’s van. Dad came shortly after with Tammy. Tammy packed my things for me and I went home with them without as much as a peep.

I locked myself in my room when we got back where I hid for two days straight. Tammy would bring me food and leave it by the door a few times a day. I never ate it though. She would come the next day and take it back. I would hear the china clink when she did. She never tried knocking though. I would say I felt surprised but I didn’t feel much of anything. I thought I would be feeling this big weight of grief but all I felt was this numbing sensation in my entire body. It was as if I had been dropped in a huge pool of ice water and I was just floating there waiting to come back up for air but I couldn’t quite reach the surface.

On the third day, someone knocked. I didn’t bother moving to answer it. “Kerri?” My dad’s voice said on the other side. I didn’t answer. I laid in my bed staring at the same spot I had since I locked myself in here. I heard some movement and the door slowly opened. I didn’t roll over to face it. “Kerri, the funeral is tomorrow. Your mom had everything arranged already. It’s at noon. Okay?” I didn’t say anything again. He stood there for another moment before leaving again.

The next morning, I pulled myself out of bed and made my way to the bathroom before anyone was awake. I showered quickly and made my way back to my room. There, I changed into a black lace dress and a cardigan before laying back down again. I heard movement a short time later as Tammy and Dad came into the kitchen. They had sent Natalie to Tammy’s mother’s house for the weekend I had overheard so that she wouldn’t have to be around all of this. The usual commotion in the morning followed, the coffee pot brewing and their cups being set on the counter. I rolled over on my back, staring at the ceiling. I heard Tammy sigh and set her cup down a little harder than usual.

“I’m worried about her, Chris.” She said, her voice slightly muffled by my door. “She won’t eat. She hasn’t said a word. I don’t even think she’s gone to the bathroom at least that I’ve seen. She’s going to get sick!”

“What do you I suppose I do, Tam? Her mother just died.”

“I know but I hate seeing her like this. She’s scaring me.”

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