Struggling is for the birds. I can’t believe I have to move back to California. I do miss my family and all, but I belong in Atlanta. I just can’t keep teaching elementary school for pennies when I have over ten years of experience. I’ll just look at this move as a time to regroup, refocus, and get some writing done on my poetry book Memoirs of My Affection. How am I going to tell Timothy that I’m leaving? I know that we are no longer seeing each other, and had been wondering if we were going to take our relationship to another level, but I need to let him know. I had already left once before and moved to South Carolina for a few months, which he didn’t handle too well. I usually feel comfortable disclosing things to him but, because of how he handled my South Carolina move, I’m nervous about revealing that I’m leaving again. Maybe I’m not relocating just because of my finances? What if I’m running from my feelings for him? Could it be? Nah. Oh well, I’ll have plenty of time to assess that after I move, but for right now I need to calculate how I will inform him tonight at the concert, that I’ll be thousands of miles away.
I’m going to be anxious all night. I should have picked the first outfit that I put together, and then I would have been able to get here early, now I have to wait until after the show to talk, since he’s performing. Oh well, at least I’m wearing the lace gray leggings that he loves to see me in. Maybe my outfit will soften the blow of my news.
Let me check myself out one last time. I don’t want to find out later that spinach was stuck in my teeth even though I did brush. And it would be quite traumatic if my long shirt was tucked into the back of my leggings. Oh no, I can’t have dry lips. Let me gloss up. Now, everything looks good, but if I can only find my purse. I hate changing purses; something always gets left. I bet it’s underneath all of these clothes I tried on. Good thing I have this wonderful custom made walk-in closet. All I have to do is shut the door, pretend there’s no clutter, and clean the mess up tomorrow. There it is, just as I thought. I can finally leave.
Just a few more steps left to go. My heart beats harder and faster with each step that I take and I’m not even in the building yet. Great, there’s a former fling of his. I guess he doesn’t really have a type. She’s about 5ft 3in, light brown, with long straight black hair, and about a size 12. Now I get to look forward to her watching me and Timothy’s interaction. She’s so fake. She always grins in my face when I know she hates my existence. Timothy showed me a text from her stating that I tried to date one of his boys, but he knew she was making it up. She’s known for doing what she can, to get what she wants. Yuck, she’s walking my way.
“Hey Erika, you look great. I can’t wear my hair natural, but good for you.”
I’ve been wearing my natural hair for years. Why is she acting like this is her first time seeing me?
I don’t know why she insists on wearing tight t-shirts with her stomach bulging and hanging out. Let me keep walking straight to the restroom; I’m not interested in anything she has to say. Atlanta’s humid weather has no mercy on natural hair. My hair can go from shoulder to ear length in a matter of minutes so hopefully no hair surprises.
I‘m glad they finally remodeled; they didn’t even have any mirrors in here before. I can partially understand if they failed to put one in the men’s restroom but most people know that a mirror is a necessity for a woman. Okay, time to get this night started.
Tuesday nights are always crowded at Kai Lounge. Some of Atlanta’s best vocalists and musicians perform all in one night. I wonder if Timothy will sing and play the keys. It’s always a nice surprise when he does sing, which he seldom does. He has such a nice voice.
Wow, they’ve remodeled out here too. I was so focused on getting to a mirror, I didn’t notice. A lot of good changes since the last time I was here a couple of months ago. Now the stage can fit an entire 7 piece band and vocalists and not just a 4 piece band with one vocalist. I’m impressed. They even changed the furniture to some nice warm earth toned colors with pops of color such as teal and purple. They really went all out. Even though they have extended the size of the building, the way everything is furnished and decorated makes it feel nice and cozy like a lounge should be.
It looks like I will be standing all night, but I’m glad I at least made it in enough time for the second set. It’s a good thing that I’m wearing my comfortable Jimmy Choo pumps – Oh great, he is singing tonight, and one of my favorite songs of his “Why Did You Lie”
Look at all the thirsty females grinning and skinnin’. Well, he is quite handsome, but I guarantee that some are all excited because he’s a musician. I never could comprehend why females want to be with a man based solely on his profession. I guess it’s not for me to understand.
This has been one of the best Kai Lounge Tuesday night shows I’ve ever been to. Everyone did an excellent job tonight, especially Timothy of course, but I’m partial. Let me go into the restroom before we have the talk. I guess every other female had the same idea; the line is all the way down the hall. I’m just going to have to wait. On no, there he is! Now I really have to go to the restroom. Okay, Erika, calm down, breathe, and just get it over with. It has to be done.
Lord, please relax my nerves and help me through this. Here we go:
“What’s up?” He always smells so good and gives the sweetest.
“You sounded really good up there. You sang one of my favorite songs of yours.” I love it when he blushes, but I must get straight to
“Thank you. I decided to sing at the last minute.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. I’m moving.” There, I said it.
“What? You’re moving? I thought that you already moved.”
“I’m moving back home to California.” Oh goodness, I was supposed to get to the point but not shock him. I’ve never seen a smile drop so quickly. Not a single word, only a look of disappointment. I can’t believe he’s walking away. Should I go after him? No, maybe I should just let him be. And here comes Brenda to pick up the pieces. I saw her watching us just as I knew she would.
I didn’t think that this move would matter to him that much. I knew it would affect him, but to just walk away in silence? I always felt Timothy was fond of me, but that was it, especially since I decided to take a break from the physical intimacy: which he disagreed with. My mind wouldn’t allow me to believe that he had deeper feelings for me, but my heart always felt that something more was there. Maybe I’ve underestimated his feelings for me this whole time. I should have taken him more seriously when he spoke about us taking our relationship to another level, but I was afraid to give him all of me.