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Shame (Book 5: Second Chances)

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Ben Decker had a life awakening moment and needs to make some drastic changes before he spirals beyond redemption. Meanwhile Liam Carter returns to Madison to face some of his own demons and actually start living.

Romance / Erotica
4.9 9 reviews
Age Rating:


The pain that pounded from his scalp to his toes made Ben want to die. It was supposed to be one or two drinks. It was supposed to be a soft celebration night out with Ash and Sarah. But based on how much everything hurt he knew bad decisions were made. The hot uncomfortable horror of the morning after the night before was itchy and made him want to move no matter how much it hurt.

He tried to open his eyes but the edges of darkness crept back in and he found himself stuck in that limbo between alive and dead. He felt his body go limp and he took a long deep breath in but all it did was make his stomach churn. He knew he was about three inhales away from puking and if that was going to happen he wanted to be on tiles, not his bed, or the carpet.

Motivation sorted, Ben pulled his eyes open and immediately his mouth filled with saliva. The background threat of puking all of a sudden became real. He knifed up in his bed and closed his eyes for a moment to stop the room spinning then turned his ass to hang his legs off the side.

He was only a few feet from the bathroom. He knew he could make it so he gripped the edge of the bed and pushed himself up. Staggered footsteps carried him into the ensuite room then he fell against the sink and dropped his head but as quick as it rose the urge to puke plummeted. He turned on the tap and cupped his hands under the cold running water. He splashed it onto his face and rubbed it as vigorously as he dared, then took a few risky deep breaths and realised the threat had passed.

Slowly he lifted his head up and looked into the mirror. It took a moment longer for his eyes to focus, then he saw what he had to work with. His eyes, usually shining ice blue were bloodshot and red rimmed and his pupils were pinpoints in the centre. His blond hair was somehow both matted to his head and sticking up at all angles. His cheeks bore the creases from his pillow and just on the base of his neck was an unmistakable fresh red hickey.

“What the fuck,” he croaked as he leaned towards the mirror and tilted his head. He stretched the skin around the mark as if it would disappear but not only did it not go away, he saw another one at the top of his chest. “Fuck.”

He stepped back from the mirror and the sink and looked down at his body, only then realising he was completely naked. His body was covered in small finger bruises, scratch marks, love bites and there were dried remnants of cum on his lower belly and thighs.

“What the…” he moved his head slowly towards the door that he had left open and looked back at his bed.

A cold bolt of panic melted through his spine and pooled in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t see much, but it was obvious there was someone lying in his bed.

Ben lifted his hand and closed the door at glacial speed. The latch snicked into place and he released a breath then sagged against the wall. He remembered drinking with Sarah and Ash in a local bar. Then he remembered getting a cab to Street 69 to catch a drag show. He remembered the cocktails, and flirting with the barman, but everything after that was foggy.

He lifted the lid of the toilet seat and took a long relieving piss. He was glad to find his basic instincts still in place and even dared a soft chuckle as he washed his hands and stepped into the shower. He was under the spray, basking in the warmth it offered when the bathroom door opened. His whole body froze and he watched a figure move to the toilet. The condensation on the shower door made it hard to see who was there but he could tell whoever it was was tall and broad. He mentally congratulated himself with a smirk but froze again when the stranger flushed the toilet and washed their hands. Ben waited for him to move out of the room but to his horror the stranger came back to the shower, pulled the door open and stepped in.

“Room for one more?”

“Uh…” Before Ben could respond the stranger put a hand in the centre of his chest and moved him back then stepped into the water in his place.

“Oh god that feels good.”

Ben watched him dip his head under the water then followed his hands as they combed through his hair. He turned around to face him and Ben noticed matching hickeys on his body as were on his own.

“Well, Mr. Decker, that was an unexpected night.”

“Mr. Decker?” Ben stuttered on the name. The only people to call him Mr. Decker were his students in the high school where he taught maths.

“I know, so formal,” the stranger said with a chuckle as he moved his hand up to cup the side of Ben’s neck. “I still can’t get used to calling you Ben.”

Ben frowned. He got a closer look at the man in the shower beside him. He was as tall as himself, his brown hair, brown eyes and tanned skin was an attractive combination but there was a glint in his eyes as if he was in on a joke that Ben wasn’t part of.

“I had such a crush on you,” the stranger said and his hand tightened on the side of Ben’s neck.

“A crush?” Ben said and felt his blood start to drain to his toes.

“When I was in your class, I was failing because you were so hot, and that had the added benefit of you giving me more attention, which made it harder to focus.”

The cold panic was back and Ben studied this man’s features again as the memories came flooding back with startling clarity. Jack Houston. He was a student last year. Not even a year ago, Ben realised, it was only November. This kid graduated in May. Now that he got a better look with a clearer head, Ben realised the huge mistake he had made. And based on the amount of cum he already washed off his body, it had been a multilayered mistake.

“Oh fuck,” Ben muttered and he closed his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked as he stepped closer and pressed his body against Ben’s.

Ben felt Jack’s half hard cock move against his thigh and he cursed his own body for responding. Alcohol was not a valid excuse for fucking one of his students, and lust wasn’t going to be another one.

“Stop,” Ben said softly and he put his hands up to move Jack back. “This…was a mistake.”

“A mistake?” Jack chuckled and he slid his hands down Ben’s chest to his waist where one hand rested on his hip and the other moved to circle both of their semi hard dicks.

“No, stop,” Ben said a little firmer and grabbed Jack’s wrist to pull his hand off him. He moved back and pushed the shower open. “You gotta go. This was a huge mistake.”

“A mistake?” Jack turned in the water and Ben stepped out then grabbed a towel from the rack.

He wrapped it around his body without drying off, eager to cover up his traitorous cock.

“Look man, this can’t happen again,” Ben said. “It shouldn’t have happened at all. You need to leave.”

“Leave?” Jack turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He had one hand around his cock as he slowly stroked it, his eyes locked on Ben who was starting to feel sick all over again.

Five years he had been working at that school and never had he been tempted to even flirt with one of the students. He kept his personal life and his work life completely separate because he never wanted to be accused of improper relations. He never wanted to be the reason he, his community, or his school were painted with a brush filled with slurs and mistrust. Up until this moment, he had managed it and with one careless action everything had been destroyed.

“Please, I’m sorry if I promised you anything more, but this is not happening,” Ben said calmly.

“You didn’t promise me anything but a good time and I think you more than delivered on that.”

Ben moved away before Jack could touch him and went back into his bedroom. He quickly pulled on a pair of shorts and a tank top and was sitting on the end of the bed untying his sneaker laces when Jack emerged.

“You’re leaving?” Jack asked, his voice high and full of surprise.

“Yeah, I need to run.”

“This is your place right?”

“Yeah, you can finish showering, pull the door after you when you leave,” he tied his laces tight then put his hands on his knees and stood up.

“Wait, Mr Decker!” Jack called out but Ben kept walking.

In the living room he tried not to focus on the discarded piles of clothes that marked a trail from his front door to his bedroom. He snatched his phone, arm band and earbuds. He glanced back at Jack who was still following him completely naked and he didn’t seem to care.

“Lose my number,” Ben muttered. “And forget my address.”

He pulled the door open and stepped out. He closed it firmly behind him and hurried down the stairs because that door was not enough to keep his hot shame at bay. He burst through the main door of the building and took a few deep cleansing breaths. His head was swimming, his gut was churning, his blood was boiling. He fixed his phone into the arm band and pulled it up his arm past his elbow.

The music he picked was loud and fast, just enough to drown out his own thoughts as his feet started moving. He was no stranger to a one night hook up. That wasn’t what worried him. It wasn’t the first time he got nearly black out drunk. It wasn’t the first time he realised he had no idea what even led to the hook up. There was some measure of fear in that. How did he even manage to get hard? Whiskey dick was real and he wasn’t immune. It usually resulted in him giving a blow job or hand job but based on the cum he witnessed on his body this morning that wasn’t all that happened.

Ben sped up and ran faster. He ignored the pounding pain in his head and tried not to think about what was burning through the front of his mind. Black out drunk. Forgotten sex. Student in his bed. This was a new low for him and he knew he needed a change or there was a danger he would spiral down a path he would not be able to find his way back from.

It was four months ago when his best friend Sarah had to drive into the city to bail him out, after a drunken attempt to give a blow job in the back of a car after a baseball game resulted in his arrest. Somehow he had managed to keep that under wraps and it never made it into the usual Madison gossip mill, but it wasn’t the only incident he had to hide.

As if the realisation was a new beginning, Ben felt hot tension release from his shoulders. This was a pivotal moment and he recognised the sheer importance of it. His feet slowed down and he came to a stop on the bridge. His chest was heaving with heavy stinging breaths. He leaned forward, his arms on the rail as he watched the river flow slow and full beneath him.

Something had to change and he knew exactly what it was. Ben gripped the rail and stretched his back flat as he could. His head dipped and he moaned as his muscles relaxed then pushed himself up and started running again.

Decision made, Ben was eager to get started but instead of going home to do something about it, he kept running. He didn’t want to start his new chapter by running into the very catalyst that caused it. Jack would be gone soon and then he could go home. Until then, he kept running and accepted his punishment.

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Janine: Der Schreibstil hat mir sehr gefallen, allerdings sind manchmal Satzzeichen falsch, oder fehlen komplett, dadurch verliert man manchmal leicht den Überblick. Aber ansonsten ist es eine sehr gute Geschichte.

Aminah Sapida: If you’re into something naughty, this definitely a read for you.

nadiakhanrn: I want to praise the author, but I'm falling short on words , all I can Sai is that I have really enjoyed this book , it has brought tears to my eyes & I don't cry easily

Ben: Ce roman est tout juste waouh, formidable.

Audrey: Simple et agréable à lire. Parfois quelque peu répétitif mais cela ne gâche en rien l'histoire.

Estefanía: Me pareció un poco dramática la reacción de ella. Pero en general me ha gustado

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