It’s nearly been a week since Emmie left and I still couldn’t get used to the peaceful quietness of the house. I was half glad but lonely at the same time. The past few days I’ve been just staying indoors during the winter break, enjoying a cup of hot chocolate while reading a book. Sometimes I would find the time to ‘chill’, is what I think the term Emmie uses, with Kristina and Nat. But somehow, despite the fact that they’ve been trying to get me involved with their ‘supposed’ daily fun activities, I just couldn’t find myself finding an interest in them. I would rather prefer to enjoy reading a literature that I could either relate to or benefit from. And that’s what I did.
I was already back at school, remembering it was already the second day since we got back. Time flies fast if you get busy, thinking about things. Everyone looked bored during the lessons. Wouldn’t blame them since I too was tired. My brain just happened to be not working on this Tuesday. So instead of taking notes down, I had decided to record what the teacher was saying using my cellular phone. Seeing as he was discussing the exams and how it is worth 20% of our final term mark, it was only a good thing to note important key information down.
Glancing over my shoulder, I quickly stole a glance at Sarah to see what she was doing. And like usual, she’d be looking ahead on the board, meaning she would also see me since I was only a few desk behind her. I saw a playful smile sketched on her face when she caught me looking then mouthed ‘Hello’, followed by a small wave gestures. Smiling, I pointed at her then pointed back on the board, telepathically saying that she should pay attention. That is if she understood, which she did because replied by making a sleeping gesture then pointing at me.
I wasn’t sleeping.
She must’ve noticed my disagreement when she saw me shake my head, frowining.
“Ms. Francis and Wilson. I’m sure you have something much more interesting to say than what I am currently teaching. Am I correct?” I heard the teacher say.
Oh crap, I thought. I quickly turned my attention back to the board where the teacher was glaring at our direction. I didn’t mean to get in trouble.
Hearing Sarah chuckle behind made me pray inside my head that she wouldn’t say anything rash to the teacher. Cause trust me, she had pissed off every teacher she had, which caused her to either getting a punishment by either standing out in the hallway until classes were over or when the teacher would call her to the front seat so they could guard and control her immature behaviors during classes. One time during her presentation, she had purposely used a marker on the smart board. She reasoned saying ‘Oh I forgot this was a smart board.’
“Actually I do.” I heard Sarah say. God, this wasn’t going to end well. “Perhaps if you pay attention more then you would’ve noticed that your zipper is open. Did you really think you could magnetize all of the pus-”
Everyone then started laughing. Sarah wasn’t lying. Hid zipper was indeed and I felt quite embarrassed to be looking at it. I watched as the teacher felt ashamed and angry at the same time. He probably felt too humiliated, that he had not realized we were there when he zipped his zipper close right in front of us.
After the laughter died down and the teacher calming down, we heard him say “Go to the office Wilson.”
“Wow, this is what I get when I even helped you out.” Sarah shook her head while letting out a dry laugh. “Ungrateful bit-”
I turned to glare at her quickly and when she saw me look like that at her, she immediately shut up.
She held out a peace sign as if to apologize and send flying kisses towards me which I purposely did NOT catch.
“I’m out here then.” The sound of a chair scratching the floor was probably the most annoying. I sighed then returned back to daydreaming when suddenly I felt someone grip my wrist, causing me to stand up.
I frowned when Sarah did that. “What are you doing?” I asked in a not so nice tone. I was so sensitive since the bloody shit was back to hunt my organs below.
I. Frikin. Hate. Periods. I swear one of these days I’m going to pull out my freaking uterus. I do not remember signing up for Lucifer’s monthly waterfall subscription. There ain’t no unsubscribe button either!
Sarah simply kissed my hand, earning a confused look from me.
“What?” I asked. That shit just calmed me down.
“You’re too grumpy today. Come on we’ll have fun. Watch” Sarah said then looked back at our teacher who seemed too displeased by what was going on.
“I’m taking Francis with me,” she informed. Not asked, but informed.
“I don’t think Ms. Francis would like to join someone like you.” the teacher said. Ouch?
I heard Sarah growl but I held her tight in her hand, giving it a small squeeze. Pushing her aside, I looked at the teacher and then said “I’m sure we all know that respect is one of the main rules in this school. I believe the fact that you had just assumed and stated that just because Sarah is a troublemaker, I wouldn’t befriend her. Or at least befriend with someone like her or anyone else who isn’t like me. And that you think intelligent people should only hang out with their fellow intelligent mates. Well excuse me, but let me ask you something, are all of your friend’s teachers too? Do they all act and have identical personalities like you? Please enlighten me so I may also share what I think about you.”
It was too quiet after that. The teacher was too shock at least that I had just told him that. But it felt good. Maybe too good that I’ll be hit by regret later.
Hearing no response from him, I grabbed Sarah’s hand and then told him. “You don’t judge someone’s qualities and their ability to do something when you make friends sir. And from what I learned, it’s discrimination when you base your friends on the brains and looks but not the heart. Everyone is different and you can’t just do that. You can’t choose whom I choose to be with. You have no right cause after all...”
I paused then started walking towards the doorway, taking a quick stop to grab my things, and leaning near the door.
“You’re just a teacher who needs to learn what respecting is all about.“.
I wanted to slam the door closed when we walked out but Carly, the hall monitor, was just there to see us leave our class. She looked at me and then to Sarah, trying to figure out what just happened. But instead of explaining, I just started walking towards the exit, releasing Sarah’s hands because it was her decision to either follow me or not. Which she did before greeting Carly with a small wave.
We walked around the school building, unsure where my feet were wandering off to. But minuted later, I found myself holding my knees behind the bookshelves in the library. Sarah sat in front of me, just looking at me, perhaps analyzing what just happened or what was happening to me. I was probably some psycho freak now.
“Well that was hella sassy of you.” she finally said, breaking the silence between us.
I shook my head, now starting to feel guilty and..stupid. “What just happened?”
She closed the book she was looking at and looked at me. “You went from small pew pew to big bang!
And what language was she exactly speaking right now? I looked at her dumbfounded.
“I meant you just defended me... But not in a ‘Jessica’ way, you know? You were different.” she paused, then grinned. “But hey I like it ”
I crossed my arms. “That was because you were being stu-... I mean, you were being you.”
God pray for me that she doesn’t get mad for nearly calling her stupid. But oh come on, who talks back to teachers with their sassy smart remark anyways?
I blinked. “What?”
“You asked...who talk back to teachers with their sassy smart remarks.” Sarah chuckled flipping through another book.
I blinked again. Did I say that loud?
“Yes, you did.”
“You mind reader,” I mumbled, skimming through the row of books on the shelves. Who knows what book might peak my interest in the non-fiction area?
“You’re just too easy to read. I don’t need to have powers to know what you’re thinking about.” She said while actually reading a book at the same time. She was reading. That was cute.
“What are you reading?” I asked, curious what actually got her to read. Hovering over her book, I saw her phone sitting on the pages.
“Really?” I glared at her.
A small smile crept up across her lips and it was a great view seeing as I was mere inches hovering over her face.
“What? I’m technically reading. Just on my phone.”
I squinted, only to see a Yahoo news page. “Oh. Well, at least it’s somewhat... Beneficial. That was an old movie though. I don’t get the point why you’d need to hide it behind the book.”
“The point was to get you near me, which I have accomplished. I was so certain that you’d ask me what I was reading because that was your job and you’re so in love with books that you might even end marrying one.”
I lightly slapped her on the arm, feeling my face heat up for some odd reason. “Was there anything you want from me anyway?”
“Yep.” She nodded.
“Like?” I asked, not sure what she particularly wants from me. She picked up her phone then shoved the book somewhere in a random corner.
“A lot actually. But for now, I just want you near me.”
I blinked. Once. Twice. Then was left speechless when Sarah brought my body down against her, enveloping me in a tight hug.
During lunch, Leylah, Carly, and I sat down at a different table that was not near my siblings. The only reason was that my patience was thinning and knowing I could randomly blow out on someone again scares me. It took me nearly 15 minutes just to have the courage to knock on my teachers’ door to apologize.
Sighing, for like the 20th time, I dropped the fork down and closed my eyes. I just wanted to go home with this tormenting pain below my stomach.
“Are you okay?” I heard Carly asked. I opened my eyes to see her looking at me. Worriedly might I add?
I nodded, then grab hold of the fork and started playing with my food again. It was my favorite. Caelie had personally made it for me. I wanted to enjoy and eat it but I just couldn’t. Every time it was that week, I just couldn’t function properly. I wanted to go home, swim on the floor, and call Emmie.
I missed Emmie.
Groaning, I forced the fork up and ate the contents on it. It was too good I nearly cried. I was an emotional wreck. Food are my babies during my menstruation week.
Leylah knew what I was going through so she was kind enough to give me a shoulder massage after. Just to release some stress I had. I wanted to stay in my seat but when the lunch bell rang indicating we still had afternoon classes, I knew we had to go. Because Carly and Leylah had different classes from me, they had to leave first. Not without Leylah giving me a kiss in the forehead like what a mother would do to a child.
“I’m not a kid,” I grumbled.
“Yeah but you’re hot-headed today. Thought you could cool a bit by a magical kiss.” she giggled. Carly laughed at my unimpressed expression and told Leylah that it was a nice try.
“Okay off you two,” I said, shooing them away. They giggled to one another making me cringe.
I sat in the cafeteria alone. Classes had started but I was too weak and tired to go to mine. So instead I stayed, wanting to take a nap. I placed my backpack on the table, wanting to use it as my pillow and then rested my head on it. It was cool because the table was cold and it was able to make me feel better. Somewhat.
I didn’t know how long I had been sleeping or how long I’ve stayed in the cafeteria. But then sometime, I felt someone’s fingers combing through my hair, immediately relaxing me and feeling comfortable. That very person chuckled when I reacted by saying something in a gibberish word in my sleep. It continued until I felt it stopped. And when it didn’t continue, I woke up only to see Sabrina holding up her cellphone towards my face. She nearly fell off the chair when she saw me open my eyes. I nearly laughed out loud but was too tired to do anyway.
“What are you doing?” I asked, watching Sabrina smile at me while shaking her head. Then she held up her phone at me only to see myself sleeping comfortably.
“You were so cute I had to take a picture.” she grinned.
I felt my cheeks heat up. “Delete that!”
She replied with a solid “Nope.”
“Sabrina.” I crossed my arm.
“Jessica.” she mirrored my movements.
I sighed then gave up anyways. No point arguing for something useless. But it’s not like I wanted to her to keep my photo anyway.
I was surprised when she brought her soft hands to my forehead.
“Are you sick?” she asked. I looked at her confusedly then felt for my own forehead. It wasn’t hot or anything.
“Have you been going to the doctor lately?”
I shook my head.
“Cause I think you’re lacking some Vitamin Me,” she smirked.
Jesus. Christ. My savior, please save me.
I wanted to crawl away from her. Way far away because I was sure if I kept being around her I would get a heart attack and it would be sad to see my grave and reason for death, with her name carved on it.
“That was so low Sabrina. Really no originality” We heard someone speak behind. Sarah held out a juice and passed it onto me. I had to resist a laugh when I saw Sabrina waiting for her own but ending up not getting one.
“Hi.” I finally greeted them. Both. Then turned to Sarah. “Are you skipping?”
Sarah chuckled then shook her head. “I got a spare until end of school.”
“Oh. Why are you here then?” I asked.
“I wanted to hang out with you so...” Sarah looked at me then to Sabrina. “What are you guys doing anyway?”
“Just chilling.” Sabrina shrugged.
“I was asleep until she came,” I said telling the truth.
“Oh well, you got spare to Sabrina?” Sarah asked her cousin.
“Sab.” I said. Why did I have that motherly tone? Why did I just call her Sab?
“I was on my way to class but I saw you here,” she mumbled.
“Do you have a class?”
She nodded. I hated to see her go but I also don’t want to be the reason if she was late or was skipping. My headache was back and I couldn’t stop my mouth from saying stupid things.
“Off you go then.”
She sighed, looked at me with sad eyes, which I instantly regretted. She nodded her head then walked away. Painfully slowly. It killed me somehow. I was such a bitch. But I couldn’t help especially if I was feeling unwell.
“Damn. How bad is it?” Sarah asked behind me. I had told her I was having my week and she completely understood. This is why Emmie always run away when it’s that time of the month.
“I feel like there’s World War 3 going on down my pants.”
Sarah looked at me, and then laughed out loud. She opened her mouth but I stopped her before that.
“Don’t. I know you’re going to say something similar to what Emmie would say.” And I didn’t want her to say it cause I would only miss Emmie more.
She nodded, understanding.
“Can you please take me home?” I asked. The pain was unbearable. I wanted to sleep and curl into a ball or just hug something really tight cause I needed to squeeze something to deliver my anger out.
Sarah looked unsure so I had to look at her, the same look I would give to Emmie when I wanted something. She shook her head, then patted my head like I was some kid asking for candies.
“Alright. But we’ll stop to get some chips cause I have to give Jackson some.”
I nodded, then followed her out the school.
I was on cam with Emmie at home, telling her what happened at school today, how I snapped at the teacher, scolded Sabrina to go to class, and slipping some of my other classes cause of my stupid period.
“Oh my god.” Emmie laughed. “She is so damn whipped.”
“I meant them.” she corrected herself. I didn’t understand what she was saying. I waited for her to elaborate.
“You really don’t see it?” Emmie asked, surprised. Of course, Emmie wasn’t really that shocked knowing her best friend was just plain love blind.
“This much more complicated than math,” I told her.
“No, it’s not. It’s as easy as A B C. ” she rolled her eyes when I didn’t understand.
I have too many problems. Problems like my instant craving for food and the constant ‘Goddamn, I wanna die’ thinking cause of the immense pain. I couldn’t even sleep cause of my cramps.
Wrapping a burrito blanket around me, I randomly said. “I miss you, Ems. I love Ems. Please save me from this loneliness in my heart.
“And here goes the mood swings.” she dramatically dragged the a longer than the normal.
“Shut up bitch,” I mumbled.
“There.” she pointed at me. “Verified.”
“Like I can’t even talk properly without feeling that stupid blood flowing out of my vagina and I swear it’s harder when you stand up. You’ll look like a fucking penguin from Antarctica cause you’ll be wobbling, hoping less blood comes out. Like I just want this week to be over. I just want some chocolates. I want to sleep on the cold floor and think about what life is and why we even suffer from periods. It’s not my fault my egg didn’t meet a fucking sperm. I’m sorry for not making myself pregnant. Freaking Satan is punishing me with his holy bloody water. I hate my life.” I finished.
Emmie didn’t even say anything. Instead, she shook her head and just told me to apologize to Sabrina and sleep off the pain.
But I couldn’t. I had a dream about uterus being an actual person. And that it was just mocking me while I suffer from the pain. It was frustrating. I never ever thought about murdering someone... Or something except my own.
I could just imagine it approaching me and singing the first verse of Adele’s song.
“Hello... It’s me.”
Then all of the pain, complications, and symptoms of having a period would just come back at me. The monthly blood sacrifice had started again.
At that point I just wanted someone to shoot me and tell me it’s over.
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Finally feeling comfortable, I told her to stop. “Thank you.”
“I could go on if you want.” She asked, shrugging as if it was no big deal.
I shook my head and smiled. “Nah, you probably got tired.”
Smiling, she turned around to grab our bags and said. “I’ll never get tired of you.”