I stared down at my hands, twisted and knot them as if it will hold back the turmoil inside me. Despair roamed the room, expelled on the breath of worriers like me, and those doing their best to subdue to the pain that drove them here. The fluorescent lights blare down on the tiled floor and the waiting room smells of sterile synthetic death. I rocked forward, and back as I fought against the pain clouded in my throat. I tried to find distraction, my vision scattered over the waiting room. As usual, I fail. I held myself tightly, too afraid that I might just break. My eyes scattered over the waiting room, as I try and distract myself, but as usual. I failed.
I wrestled against the pain, my nerves steeled against it, as I waited patiently for my turn. When patience fails, I stand up, knocking the chair behind me. I caught a glimpse of the man sat beside me, his bald head and sagging skin contrasted by the scar on his neck. His glare tells me I’ve been staring, and I look away. I wonder what brought him here. Was it madness and isolation? Or was it the madness of isolation? I wonder what he sees when he looks back at me. Does he see a seventeen year old plump figured girl with dark eyes in denim jeans and a jumper?
I hated it, when old people and so many others think that teenagers are all the same; with electronic devices which cost more than they probably need, when instead they could give it to somebody else, with designer clothes, and hair glossy and in style, and always in groups. I was the opposite to most girls that people would say how a teenager is, my hair is down and plain, my clothes are hand me downs from the nearby charity shop, my sister said that it doesn’t matter how you look like.
Well, tell that to Sasha, Tiffany and the rest of the popular crew. They all look the same to me, like identical Barbie dolls. Except Sasha, the leader of the crew, the clothes she wears are so designer and expensive, that they could feed hundreds of poor kids. Also, the way the other girls obey whatever nonsense Sasha says, showed clearly how they are much lower than Sasha.
I looked around, my eyes watched the sick kids, and adults with blood trickling from them. I watched one little girl catch my eye. It wasn’t that she was the loudest child, or that she was the most confident child ever. It was the fact that the girl made me think of myself. She had the most adorable bunches, which was held up in two pony tails, and her eyes, they were beautiful shade of blue. My eyes thought on why such a beautiful child like this was here, when I saw that she was in a wheelchair of some sort, and she was trembling and rocking ferociously. Her eyes captured mine, and she looked at me curiously, like she is trying to see what I were doing here. She looked at me lovingly, and smiled at me, a smile which could light up sunshine, so bright and radiating. Suddenly, I notice the doctor Mr. Wales, walking out of my sister room. He sternly walked towards me, and then he patted me on the shoulder.
“Doctor, how is my sister? Please tell me she is alright.” I asked curiously, afraid to hear his answer.
My heart pounded rapidly, and beads of sweat trickled down my face, as I waited for his answer. He goes to say something, but then he stopped, before gulping loudly, he began thinking about something. I lost my patience and shook my head in annoyance. Every day had become a schedule for me, daily checking up on Emma to make sure she wasn’t getting worse but most importantly to ensure that she was still alive. I knew every day was a battle for Emma, each day, each moment she was fighting for her life and I was powerless into not being able to do anything.
The doctors kept reminding me to let go. But, it was easier said than done. I knew I should let her go, it would be the least painful thing for her but I was too selfish to let her go. It might seem as if I only cared about myself when wanting Emma to keep living but checking up on Emma had become a part of my life. Each day it was like I held my heart in my hand as I ran to check up on my sister as I didn’t know if she was still alive. Nightmares continued to haunt me, foreshadowing the foreboding doom to come. I had lost my peace the day my sister had been diagnosed; it had been so long since I last had one night of a peaceful sleep. I woke up in sweat and images of horror.
“Well come on, tell me. How is my sister?” I repeated again not feeling patient anymore after waiting for so long, I just had to see my sister, I had to hear her beautiful voice.
Usually my sister was asleep, the drips attached to her keeping her calm and peaceful. Sometimes when I saw her I thought she was dead, it was only the sound of the heart monitor that confirmed she was alive and only asleep.
“You’re Emma Cadberry’s sister, aren’t you?” The doctor peered at me through strange black tinted oval glasses.
Dr. Wales, was a man who I thought looked like he is in his late forties or early fifties, with blue eyes that peer at me, through his oval shape glasses, and a long moustache, which I thought looked like could hide something in it, and wore the usual doctor outfit, except on his there was a stain, which I thought could either be ketchup, or blood, probably the second one, and his buttons looked like they could pop anytime.
“Yes, I am. How is my sister?” I said angrily, getting tired out with the doctor, I had an anger problem. I could be patient at times, but right now, even a slight argument will burst the bubble of anger inside of me. I grasped my hands together, as I gave the doctor my best evil eye which I guess failed since he just smirked at me.
Didn’t he think I was already under pressure, with everything with my sister and all, not to help my parents’ death, and my horrible ex boyfriend cheating on me? But I guess the doctor didn’t really know all of that, and I knew I couldn’t blame him. After all, he was only doing his job which was to help people. I guess it wasn’t really fair on him, since it wasn’t his fault, that I was in all of this pressure, and that my life would seem like an exciting story.
Well, except my life wasn’t just an exciting story, with a happy ending. My life, may seem exciting and adventurous, but if you were me, and then you would understand. My life would seem like a fairy tale or a really bad constructed fairy tale. But, I had no prince, no true love, and my problems weren’t one that you could just shove away and make it disappear.
It was scary problems, which I hated, but I now knew that I would never be able to shove it away, and knew that facing them was the only way I would make my problems disappear. But, I guess if I was ever given the chance to wipe away all my problems, and then I would. It was always easier running away from your problems, and I knew it much better than everybody else. All my life, I have been running away from my problems, just thinking I could wipe it away, and then it would all be gone, like in an exciting story.
But, my life wasn’t a story, and I was no book character, and my problems were real. Problems in normal stories were hard but not as hard as mine were, and they were just fake problems, with the intention to spice up the novel, and make the story exciting and interesting. I was not brave or strong, and a coward at heart. Sometimes, I feel like the demons will just win, and that my problems will just smother me like a blanket of death; suffocating me.
“Your sister is stable at the moment, why don’t you come and take a look at her, if you would like to, and then you can judge about her conditions. I know this is hard for you; with your sister, and everything, but everything will be alright.” The doctor tells me kindly, patting my shoulder with fake reassurance.
“Yes, I would like to see my sister, and no. Everything will not be alright, don’t make promises you can’t keep. The truth may sting, but it’s better than lying.” I tell the doctor, striding towards my sister room.
I stand outside the waiting room; my heart racing like it had just run a marathon. The door is white, and the door knob calls me in, to open it. I stop; many questions stirring up in my head. What if Emma is not okay? What if Emma is dead? I know the answer to the last one will be no. The rest, I don’t know. I haven’t got any other family to go to; all along it has just been me and Emma.
Our parents died in a mysterious accident, which stole them away from us. We were just so young then; Emma was only twenty years old, and me a mere eleven years old. Emma took the adult role at the age of twenty, and she became like a mum to me. I never saw Emma cry, about our parents’ death. That was when the barriers between us, had started to come. We used to be so close, as close as you can be. She became more isolated, colder, sadder, and more afraid.
She would just stay at home, all alone, being sad and depressing, and she would just sit in her room. I once caught her staring at a photograph, tears were trickling down gently on her beautiful face, and she was whispering something. Later, that day; I asked Emma, on the photograph and why she was crying, all Emma told me was that she was not crying, and told me so many lies saying that she did not look at any photograph, when I now she did
. Even after our parents death; Emma was still strong, but after the incident which happened to Emma, which I don’t know about, scarred Emma. I stare into the door, wondering what waits me further. Fear grips me in place, as I stand not moving, not wanting to see what lies beyond these doors. I feel terror stricken, and feel the goose bumps shivering on my arms. I stand frozen; not knowing what will lie beyond these doors, on how Emma is. I’m afraid. I have to admit that, I know I am the kind of girl who acts all tough and strong, but inside I cry, and weep. I’m all alone, and afraid, and not knowing how my sister is. She was more than a sister to me, she was a mother to me.
Emma was my big bold, brave and beautiful sister, who I adored very much. She meant the whole world to me, and I know I was my sisters’ whole world. You always hear tales about sisters not getting along, who want to strangle one another, and cannot tolerate one another, much stand to be in the same room as them. The sisters who always argue, and fight, and hate each other, that you wouldn’t be surprised if one killed the other. But, that wasn’t how my sister and I were, we were close, always have been. I remember, when I was little, and instead of playing dressing up with my mother’s dress, I would instead go and dress up with my sisters clothes, and put make up, trying to make myself look older, sophisticated but most of all more beautiful like my sister.
She would find me in her clothes, and in her makeup, and instead of arguing or shouting like some sisters would do, my sister just laughed, and told me that it looks really good on me the clothes, but the makeup makes me look like a weird beautiful looking clown. Emma was very elegant, and demure woman, who hated taking, praises from anybody, she didn’t even like compliments, she said they were lying, and said that she thought the same of them too. She was so lovely my sister, that even the most horrible and cruel people liked her, and she was also a person who nobody could hate, unlike me who had many haters.
Trust me, in my world telling someone a horrible truth, or not liking someone, or even dating someone can get you hated badly, and I have had bad experiences, too many to recount.
“Don’t you want to see how your sister is? I know you’re scared and afraid, but I think it is best if you see your sister now. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” The doctor voice tells me, as I see he is standing right behind me, I catch him watching me thinking, his blue piercing eyes are staring into my neck.
“I’m fine, and of course I want to see my sister. You don’t know how I am feeling. You don’t know me; you don’t know anything about me.” I told the doctor, my hand grasped the door handle.
It’s now or never, I think. I try and shove away all the horrific thoughts about my sister. My sister was okay, and she needed me right now. I take a deep breath, and open the door. The light shines brightly above my head, the tiles are a dull green, and I see a figure lying on the hospital bed. I have to face my fears; I have to see my sister. I know that once I see my sister, all the disturbing thoughts on how she is, will stop.
If I didn’t see her know, and then I will never know how my sister is, and I know she has always needed me, especially now. I take slow steps, as I approach the hospital bed. I gasp, when I see my sister lying there, wires and tubes are sticking on her, and I can see her heart beat is normal, and her blood pressure is being measured. My sister, looks like one of the sick people. But, that is exactly how my sister is now.
“Emma. It’s me Scarlett. Please wake up, I’m feeling really afraid Emma, and I’m scared. I know you’re sick and not feeling well. But could you please wake up.” I ask my sister, as I kneel beside her hospital bed.
Suddenly Emma wakes up; her beautiful piercing green emerald colour eyes look at me. A smile forms on my face, when I see my sister is awake. My sister has always been beautiful, and even knows lying on the hospital bed, she still looks beautiful. She pulls off a look that not many people can pull off. Her lovely chestnut brown hair rest in waves, around her perfect face gently. She smiles, when she sees me, and tries to get up.
“Please be careful, Miss. Cadbury, you still need to stay here for a while, be careful. “The doctor told my sister kindly.
Suddenly a Chinese nurse runs in, she’s sweating like a pig, and I wonder if she’s been running, she gasps, trying to regain her breath.
“Dr. Wales, the patient in surgery room, needs help; she’s vomiting out blood, and is wheezing violently.” The Chinese nurse tells Dr. Wales, as she gasped for breath.
“Oh, I have got to go. I will leave you two sisters together, Emma be careful, and I hope you recover soon, don’t do it again, look how devastated and scared you have left your sister.” Dr. Wales, told Emma, before following the Chinese nurse out.
“Emma. I have been so worried sick. What led you to try and kill yourself?” I asked Emma, trying to control the fear in my voice, but struggling to.
“My life has been so troubled Scarlett. You won’t understand. You’re too young Scarlett. You are too young to face your own problems, so how can you face mine." her voice broke as she took a big gasp of air, before continuing, "You’re a little girl Scarlett; you’re too young, delicate and vulnerable. You won’t understand the problems I am facing.” Emma answered me.
“I’m not a little kid anymore Emma. I am seventeen, not seven years old Emma. I am a big girl; I’m not a little child who is too delicate and young to know the truth. I am a strong brave woman Emma. I can handle the truth.” I state to Emma truthfully, wanting her to understand me, and not push me away further.
“It’s my burden Scarlett, mine, and only mine. It’s horrible and painful, that pain is all mine. I don’t want you to hear it too, and it’s a secret Scarlett, my secret, not yours. I know that all you want to do is help me, but you can’t Scarlett. It’s my destiny, and my fate.” Emma tells me.
“We used to always tell each other everything, all the secrets. Their never used to be any secrets between us; love, crushes, health, everything. We used to share everything Emma. Don’t you remember everything? A time, when I knew there would never be no secrets between us, a time, when we knew each other like the back of our hand. A time when we were together, when I felt like I knew you Emma.” I said stroking her hair affectionately.
“Scar,” Emma whispers my nickname softly.
I shake my head before waving my arm in the air. I hated disrupting her but Emma had to listen to what I had to say. Time was running out, and I wouldn’t let go before I had finished saying everything I wanted to say.
“A time when I felt that we really were sisters. You were the one who blocked me out of their life, remember that Emma. I always was there for you, and wanted to face our problems together. But you shut me out; you hurt yourself more, by pushing me out, and facing all the demons alone.” I asked Emma, questioning her.
“It’s not like that Scarlett. I have always loved you. This is different.” Emma mumbled.
“Then, if you loved me, why would you try and kill yourself? Haven’t you thought what would become of me? I would be alone Emma, with no one. You’re the only person I have in my life Emma, and you try and kill yourself.” I tell Emma.
“Scarlett, you mean my whole life. But, you have to be prepared. My life may soon be over, and one day you will be alone.” Emma mumbles, tears trickling down her face, as she gulps quietly, holding back a tide of emotions and pain.
“What do you mean that you will leave me? You will never leave me Emma, I love you. I need you. I know you have a painful secret that you have been keeping away from me. I know you think that this is for the best. But I want you to tell me Emma.” I tell Emma kindly, panic and fear filling me.
What if whatever Emma tells me is bad? Emma can’t leave me. Never, Emma is my sister. The only person I have left in the world, she means everything to me. Whatever will become of me without her? I need her, like oxygen to my lungs, like a child needs its parents.She was the one that I always have had in my life, and I always knew she will always been there for me. Every day, it was Emma beautiful angelic face, which is the first thing I see in the morning, her shouting at me to wake up, while I say no, and go back to sleep, and only wake up later because of her dragging me to the shower, and to get ready. She was like my mother to me; she was like a parent to me.
I don’t really remember my parents, maybe it was because I was so young; I remember the day they died, daddy had bought a new car, and he said he and mummy were going to just go down the road, and test the car, and then we all could go as a family. I don’t remember a lot about our parents though; I can hear someone singing a beautiful lullaby which must have been mummy, and I remember hazily mummy and daddy, pushing me and Emma on the swings. It was so long ago, but a precious memory to me. What would I do if the only person I had left Emma would leave me? Was Emma getting married? Was Emma going holiday?
“I remember when I was twenty two, and you were thirteen, when you had gone for a sleepover at Chloe’s.” Emma begins.
“Yes, I remember. It was the day Chloe brother had broken his leg too, and then he had started crying. It was weird to see a big person cry, after all he was four years older than us, and then he had to go to the hospital, and bandage his leg, but he’s all better now.” I interrupt.
Chloe was my friend.
I remember the first day, when I was feeling alone, and scared. High school did scare me, and I remember eating a cookie, when a girl with short red spiky hair had bumped into me. The girl was kind and friendly, and she introduced herself, and told me she loved cookies. That day, I broke my cookie into half and gave half of it to Chloe, who had ate it, and then told me we would become best friends. So, I know it’s funny, knowing the way we had both become friends, so yes we both did became friends through cookies, it helped knowing that we both loved cookies.
“Stop interrupting me Scarlett. Well maybe you are too young for me to tell you; after all you still behave like a child. Maybe, I will tell you later, when everything is over, but then what if I am not there to tell you. I want to tell you Scarlett.” Emma asks me carefully, her hand searching for mine, and clamps it tightly; it feels like she is afraid of letting go.
Face all my fears, all the problems I have been running away from my whole life. Hard, difficult, pain, will it all be worth it. More suffering and pain to already the mountain size that I have been trying to hide for so long, and failing. How will it affect my life, in the bad way probably? I wasn’t a child; I was old enough, to face my fears. To stop running and hiding, and start facing them. It was for the best, I told myself. I struggle to accept, that I would have to face my fears, and demons which have been hunting me for so long, like a predator and its prey, and me being the prey.
“I’m so sorry Emma, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, and it’s just that it was so long, so I was trying to remember it. I am not young, I am seventeen, practically a women. You’ve kept a secret from me for four years. I think I can handle it and I know for you, I will handle it.” I tell Emma, patting her hand gently.
“That day, my boyfriend at that time Ryan, came over to my house. I was alone, and well he took that as an opportunity. Well, he forced himself upon me, and lied to me about false promises, on how he will marry me, and how we can all live together. I believed in him, so I allowed him. He took away my purity, after that, he acted like he loved me, but I knew he didn’t. A couple of weeks after that, I started vomiting, and feeling sick. I went to the doctors, and they told me to take a test. I wanted to have an abortion, but I felt like I shouldn’t.” Emma says, tears trickling down her cheek.
“So Emma, where’s your baby?” I ask the dreaded question.
Emma ignored my question, before she continued telling me her story, “I couldn’t just destroy a life, and I didn’t want to. I was scared, and afraid. I already had an eleven year old sister to look after, and yes it was you. I couldn’t look after two young kids at once. But, it was worth it at the end, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I had the most difficult choice.” Emma tells me.
During the six months I hadn't really paid attention to my sister, I had been out a lot with my friends during that part of my life socialising had been everything.
“What! You didn’t tell me anything, where is the baby now?” I question curiously.
Emma looks up and down nervously, as she takes a deep breath, whatever happened to the baby. That was the question, which was stirring up in my head.
“Well, the child was born, a beautiful baby girl who I named Darcy.” Emma tells me.
“When was she born?” I ask curiously.
“She was born when you were on your three month school trip to France.” Emma answers smiling, her eyes glance around, before they firmly look at me, she smiles at me lovingly, and with a lot of affection.
“I didn’t even realize you were pregnant, you didn’t even look like it. I mean I always imagined the large women, with hormonal problems, and vomiting, and mood changed everywhere.” I mumble, wondering how I could know, I mean after all Emma was my sister, and normally I would notice everything about her, she really must not have looked pregnant and not showed any of the signs.
“Well luckily, I didn’t have nearly any of the symptoms well except headaches, chocolate craving, and I only vomited twice. But that was luckily at the time you were in school, and Darcy was a small baby, and I luckily didn’t gain a lot of weight, so it was really hard to even see that I was pregnant. All, I knew was that I would have do is to cope with it. I thought about it, and knew that this was for the best, and I thought about you. I gave birth on the February 1st 2009.” Emma continues.
“What happened to the child?” I ask curiously, begging to hear the answer, my heart quickens.
“Well, I looked after her at this special nursing facility, because I was so young and everything they helped me look after her.” Emma tells me.
Emma had given her child up, it was like an adoption where she would be allowed to see her child on visits. How could Emma pick me over her flesh and blood child? I didn't know whether to be mad or sad that because of me Emma was forced to make such a hard decision.
“Well, this is impossible. How come I have never seen her?” I ask timidly.
“Well, normally I would look after her at the times you were at school, and the rest of the time she spent time at the nursing facility, but you have seen her. Remember the times; I said I was babysitting; well the curly haired kid was her. My Darcy, my child, and the rest of the time; you were busy hanging with friends, sleepovers, going places. This allowed me to spend time with my Darcy.” Emma says smilingly.
“The little girl was your daughter, my niece.” I say surprisingly, feeling happy.
I was feeling really happy, and excited. I had someone else out there, a niece. A blood relative called Darcy, somebody else who I could love, and be loved for. I wasn’t lonely anymore.
“Yes, she was, beautiful wasn’t she?” Emma asks me.
“Gorgeous, but what happened to her?” I ask feeling scared.
“Two months ago, I was taking Darcy to the park; this was when she was four years old, well at the park. She was my sunshine, suddenly; someone hits me on the head. I felt the back of my head, and noticed there was blood. I look to see a masked stranger, taking Darcy. I remember Darcy, being kidnapped. Next thing, I wake up, in a hospital. I scream for my child, and they tell me, no child was found with me. I found out my baby was kidnapped away from me.” Emma cries, crying in pain.
“No! Emma, you should have told me. I could have helped you look for her. It’s not late, we will find her Emma.” I tell Emma.
“I have looked everywhere for her Scarlett. Every day, I try and look for her, and soon I won’t be there anymore. Darcy won’t have anybody else. I want you to find her Scarlett. This is why I told you, you have to find Darcy, and tell her how much I love her.” Emma tells me.
“What do you mean you won’t be here anymore?” I ask feeling scared.
“I have breast cancer. I am going to die.” Emma sobs through tears.
“No!” I cry out loud.
“It’s true. I found out six months before.” Emma tells me.
“Then, why didn’t you tell me before. I could have saved you.” I moan.
“It’s too late. The tumour is too big.” Emma answers.
“No! No!” I repeat, in pain and misery, crumbling to the ground, just wanting the world to suck me up, and take me away.
I knew Emma was lying to me, I knew she found out about her tumour during her pregnancy. A friendly nurse who I had met before during my general check up had told me that Emma had found out during her pregnancy that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Emma thought I didn't know about her pregnancy when in truth I had found out a week ago, when I was cleaning Emma's room and had noticed a pregnancy ultrasound.
During Emma pregnancy I hadn't noticed, well that was a lie I had noticed her gaining weight but I had just thought that Emma was eating more or had wanted to gain weight.
This was a lot worse than my parents’ death; at least I hadn’t known them that well. My sister was the person I have known my whole life. I have seen her face every morning, every day. No, I cry in pain and fear. Why Emma? Why didn’t I get her cancer instead? Emma had her whole life in front of her, why did God want to take away my sisters precious life away? No! Please not her. I already had lost my parents. I couldn’t lose my sister too, the pain would be unbearable. This cannot be happening.
She wouldn’t see her daughter get married; she wouldn’t even see her daughter become a teenager. Darcy! Whatever will happen to Darcy, her young child? And Darcy has been kidnapped. However, will I find her? I am only a young woman. I am not a police, I am not like one of those detectives that save people, and can find people. I have to save my sister, I have to find Darcy. I have to fix these problems. I would not let Emma die? I will not let Darcy remain kidnapped, I will find her. I will reunite her with Emma, and then they will remain united.
Emma, will not die. I will not let my sister die. I will not let the only people I have left, be taken away from my life. I was mostly isolated from the world; they were the only people I have left in my life. I will not let allow anyone to take them both away from me. I cried when my parents died, but I got through it, and that was all because of my loving big sister Emma, who gave me all the love and attention I needed, without Emma I could not cope. I would not be able to get over her death, she was my pillar of strength, and without her I was broken.
Emma had given up her daughter to an orphanage where the child would stay at the facility, Emma was only allowed to visit her occasionally it was in one of these incidents that Darcy had been taken.
“Scarlett. Please be brave, you know I can’t be strong if I see you like this. I have already accepted my fate. Please don’t cry.” Emma told me with a defeated look in her eyes.
No! I would not let Emma go without a fight. It was worse for people who would have to watch their loved ones deteriorate and die than the ones who actually died. I wouldn't get left behind.
“You can’t accept it. You have to fight the cancer Emma. Fight it. Please tell me you haven’t got Cancer.” I tell Emma pleadingly, wanting her to laugh at me, and then say no, but I know she won’t, she has cancer. I know she has it; I just want her to say she doesn’t.
“I would like to tell you that I haven’t. But I can’t, because then that will all be a lie. I know Scarlett, that your whole life has been trouble and mess. But I need you to be strong and brave for me Scarlett, please.” Emma begs me.
“The cancer won’t win Emma, please fight this for me and Darcy, and I will find Darcy, and bring her back.” I shouted at Emma, she placed her fragile hand to my cheek, Emma breathing was hard, and I could see it pained Emma to speak, and talk. I know she needed loads of rest. But, Emma was strong she would talk to me no matter how much pain it caused her, she would still want to pretend that she was okay for me.
“Oh, speaking of Darcy. I want you to find Darcy, rescue her from the kidnappers, and then you will have to look after Darcy for me. You have to protect her, and you have to love her. If I am not here, give her this.” Emma tells me, turning her head around and grasping a pink shaped parcel, with a beautiful blue ribbon. Emma handles it to me.
I took it from Emma, and hold it, the name tag reads to my beautiful princess Darcy. Love Mother. It feels light, but I know there is something special from Emma, which she wants to give to her daughter Darcy.
It might seem selfish that I'm only caring about Darcy but the one person who mattered more was Emma.
“And here’s something for you Scarlett!” Emma exclaimed, handling me a beautiful gift box with the words to my beautiful sister Scarlett, our love is never ending, from your big sister. I hold it tightly, feeling the love from my sister.
“Emma, you will give this to Darcy, you will beat this cancer.” I tell Emma, patting her shoulder kindly, trying to give her all the strength I had to her.
Normally, it was Emma who was the strong one, she was the brave and courageous one, and had the spirit of a blazing hot fire. She was the strong one, I knew that. I was going to give Emma; everything, all the power I had, all the strength I had was to Emma. Emma had to battle this life threatening disease, and she had to win. If Emma fought it, I knew then Emma would definitely win, she was strong, a warrior, never the one to give up.
I needed Emma, she was my big sister. The person I looked up to the most, I needed her the most. She was my barrel of strength, she was my power, and she was the source to my happiness. She gave up her whole life for me, and I owed her with my life. The first word I said was Emma, and that was because in my life Emma was my mum.
It’s hard for me to admit I’m scared but sometimes I get tired of putting this facade up that everything is okay. I’m afraid I’m going to crumble and fall with nobody there to catch me. I’m terrified of how life will be without Emma, I’ve never been as frightened as I am now but I’m getting tired of pretending everything is going to be okay when I know it isn’t.
“That seems impossible Scarlett, it’s getting bigger, and I can feel it sucking my life force, its winning.” Emma tells me, coughing violently; Emma grasps her hand to her throat, and coughs. Emma looks so sick, so ill. She had to get better soon.
“Well then don’t let it win. I will find Darcy for you, and you must fight the cancer for me, and Darcy.” I tell Emma.
“Okay. I will fight it for my beautiful sister and my adorable daughter. You find Darcy quickly, find her and protect her. Here is a photograph of her” Emma whispered to me, handing me a photograph, seeing me had brought her strength.
I knew Emma fought for her life each day. The photograph and gifts had been told by the doctors that Emma had wrapped this up and had been found collapsed beside these items. Emma had hidden the photograph somewhere and it had been found by the nurses who had given it to Emma which the nurse had told me. I knew Emma had attempted suicide not because of the cancer, but because she had lost her job and was behind in the rents. All of this problems had taken its toll on Emma who had always tried her best.
I inspected the photograph carefully, seeing it is a picture of my sister, looking more radiant and happy, with a beautiful young girl. The young girl had beautiful brown hair in waves, and piercing green eyes, a small smile formed on her lips. Darcy I can almost hear what the girl must be saying, please find me Scarlett, I need you. Don’t worry Darcy, auntie Scarlett will rescue you, promise.
“Ok. I will, and you must promise to beat this cancer.” I emphasised to Emma.
It might have sounded selfish that I was having Emma promise to beat the cancer, purely because I was selfish. I needed my sister, my older sister who had always been there for me showing me what was right or wrong. It made no sense for me to imagine a world without her. If not for me then for her daughter, Emma had another person who was living for her. She couldn’t give up this battle.
I had heard many tales of people who had fought against cancer and survived, the old lady across the road had won against cancer. Emma was younger than her and stronger than her surely this meant that she would have to win against cancer as well. I tried to not think about the other future, a future without Emma. I knew that there was a chance Emma wouldn’t survive, but I chose to not think about this chance. If there was a way I could save Emma then I would have done it in a heartbeat. Anything to make my sister okay. Why did bad things always have to happen to us? It might seem I’m selfish but I’m only human too. I would never wish Emma’s pain on anyone, but at the moment I wish it was anybody else lying on the hospital bed.
“I promised that I will do my best, and try extremely hard, and I will make sure to beat this cancer for you, and Darcy.” Emma mumbled at me, strength from my words helped her.
I didn't have to worry about Emma fighting cancer, I knew she would. I knew my sister and if there was one thing I knew about her; it was that she was a - fighter.
Her promise sounds weak in my ear but I held onto it as a glimpse of hope enlightened me. I knew I had to be strong for Emma. If Emma knew how weak I was then she wouldn’t fight as hard enough and I needed her to win her battle. Once Emma was okay I would take care of her like a baby and promise to always cherish her with affection. Emma’s cancer made me realise how selfish I had been over the years, Emma had sacrificed everything for me over the last few years. She had lost her happiness, her youth and it was enough from now on I would be the one taking care of her.
“And I promise, I will find Darcy, and rescue her.” I promised Emma, her hand in mine felt small and weak.
“Miss Scarlett. You need to go out now; the patient needs her time to rest.” The Chinese nurse called out to me, she waved her hand at me before leaving.
I kissed my sister cheek gently, before walking off. I closed the door behind me, I would keep my promise. I would rescue Darcy, and Emma will fight the deadly disease cancer, and we both will succeed. Promises are not meant to be broken, I would not break my promise, and I knew Emma wouldn’t either. Darcy, wherever you are, I am coming for you.