Too Fat For Love (Completed)

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Chapter 9: I is for Ice-Scream

“You what?”

If my eyes weren’t big enough, they should have been ready to pop out right now. What does she mean her stomach “popped’.

I mean I get the figurative meaning behind it, you eat so much you feel like you’re going to pop, but staring at my client, and her incredibly flat stomach I couldn’t understand her.

Yes she popped, but how can a baby “pop”.

“Look I know this is weird,” I nodded, oh hell to the yeah this was weird, the weirdest client I’ve ever had.

“I wasn’t actually pregnant,”

How the hell does she explain the whole pregnant look she was sporting when she came and asked me to host her baby shower. And why the bloody hell was she spending all this money if she never was pregnant.

Women, they seem to amaze me every time.

“What, but you had the,” I waved my hands around my midsection, “The thing going,”

I could hear the chatter from the lounge room, all the guests were here and the pregnant lady was refusing to show out. I looked at Natalie again, and yes, she looked paperboard thing. Of course I envied her body but at the same time I didn’t want to look like a piece of paper.

She looked nearly sick.

“Hamish’s mother was really pressing for grand kids,” I nodded, oh yeah, I knew how that story went. Every mother was like that after you hit your mid twenties. They called us their breeding machines.

“So we told her I was pregnant to get her of our back, and that was a fake pregnancy tummy. Inflatable. And it popped this morning when I was trying to put it on,”

I was pretty sure my jaw was on the ground but the end of her sentence. Inflatable tummy

Do they even exist?

Well of course, in all tv series and movies, the actor didn’t get pregnant over night, there was a fake tummy. I just didn’t realise, people in real life used that stuff. Jesus, all the limits to tell her mother in law to back off.

Why can’t they just say they weren’t ready for it.

“And what do you expect me to do?” I asked confused. Everyone was waiting outside, including her grandmother who was positive the baby was a girl, well there is no baby old woman. I over heard them planning all these weird rituals that I never want to take part off.

“I need you to go buy me one,”


“I can’t step out looking like this” Natalie broke down and I awkwardly shifted on my feet, was I meant to like, pat her or something. This comforting thing wasn’t my role right now.

“I know we lied, I know it’s bad. But you don’t know her. She’s a demon, You need to get me a fake stomach.”

“But,” I stuttered, “What about when you’re meant to give birth. I mean wouldn’t it be obvious if you go into labour and then no baby comes out? Or are you planning to have a baby doll or something okay no ignore me,”

I think I’m about to scream.

Where the hell was I meant to find a fake stomach on Sunday afternoon. Half the shops would be closed right now.

I ran a hand through my hair, great, this is exactly why I hated planning things, something always went wrong. Where the hell was Jenny?

“No, Hamish and I are moving in a month’s time. We’ll just tell her the miscarriage or something, very believable,”

I had to really judge their morals right now, not only were they doing a big lie, based upon all the people that turned out to squish in their apartment, but they were going to “kill” their unborn non existent child.

I was sure there were a million other ways they could have avoided this mess but that was them, not me.

“I-,” Natalie was in front of me in a second on the ground clutching my hands, “Please I can’t go out like this. Violet you have to help me,” I patted her head pulling my hands out of hers.

“Okay I’ll try but I really doubt it,” I couldn’t call Liam for help. He was visiting his family and he texted me saying he might not get reception at the lake they were going.

Oh boy how good would it be if I was Liam right now, swinging in a swing by the lake or swimming, I groaned at my luck and nodded.

“Lock the door, I’ll try,”

I turned around calling Jenny as I exited the room, three screaming ladies running at me.

“Where is the future mother!”

“Is she okay?”

“When is she coming out I want to eat,”

All these questions I had no answers too, “Um, she’s just having morning sickness, pregnant ladies get that, so like yea, she’ll be out,” I said quickly pushing my way as more questions came. I didn’t feel relaxed till I stepped out of their apartment and shut the door, my heart racing./

Crazy drunk rich people. I shuddered looking at my phone.

The person you are calling is unavailable right now, please leave a message afte-

I ended the call, that’s cool Jenny, just ignore me when I need help. There was only one other person in my mind right now and I knew calling him would be out of bounds. Or would it?

I mean there was a girl’s life and a baby’s fake life at stake here. Surely he wouldn’t mind. Or would he?

I groaned slamming my head against the wall, I don’t even have his number!

And then it hit me.

I switched my phone back on logging into our database from here, the internet was crap andI had to use my cellular which meant I was going to get a hefty phone bill for going over my limit.

I was so going to make Jenny pay for my bill. I scrolled through till I would the wedding I was looking for and looked for the contact number.

There he was.

Pressing dial before I regretted it I placed my phone to my ear. I had no idea where to get one, and I doubt Reed would too, but this was the last option I could think off.

Jenny was so going to get an ear bashing when i went into work, it was a partner business, not all I do the work and she just stands there looking pretty which she does so damn effortlessly and plays the damsel in distress half the time.

Just thinking about it made me so irritated.

“Hello?” A groggy voice asked and I froze, oh shit. He picked up. Shit. Why did he pick up? Why couldn’t he be one of those people who just don’t pick up their phones.

He cleared his throat and I heard ruffling, oh crap, did I wake him up, “Hello?” he asked again, his voice sounding much more clearer.

“Eh yeah, hi,” I said and banged my head on the wall again, i was going to get a bruise my the end of this. And then realising I was being that idiot who says “It’s me” when people don’t even have your number, “It’s Violet from-,”

“Oh hey, is everything okay?”

“Yeah of course,”

I could hear noises from the other sound, like he was walking somewhere, ah the bathroom since I just heard the sound of water. Or the tap being on. Wait why was I listening to sounds and wait, there was a problem. Everything was not damn alright.

“Well actually,” I said turning around and leaning against the wall, I must look like a weirdo if someone got out the elevator banging my head against the wall, or maybe I looked constipated. And that made me shudder.

“I may need a favor? So I need a pregnant tummy,”


I nearly laughed at the way he sounded, like he just chocked on something.

And as I explained the story Natalie told me, I heard laughter, real laughter, the type where someone is on the ground laughing and judging by the sound of something breaking, I was pretty sure he knocked something over.

“Reed, I’m serious,”

The laughter stopped and I heard him speak again, “Did you just call me by my name?”

“I always call you by your name,” I said confused.

“Yeah but-okay okay never mind,” I could see him running his hands down his face or something staring into a mirror, because that’s what vain people did. Not that I was calling Reed vain or something, but I could just see him doing that.

“So, how big does the stomach have to be,”


I paced, left, right, left, right, and I was sure I was going to wear out the cement I was standing on. It had been half an hour, half a damn hour and I was sure Natalie couldn’t hide in the bathroom any longer.

Please let Reed have a fake stomach. I shuddered, what would it even look like?

I heard the revving engine I recognize and turned around to see him drive into the underground parking, holding out the breathe I was holding when I saw the hopping bag between him and the handles.

Oh thank god. When he asked me how big it had to be, I had no idea. All i knew was she was meant to be roughly six months along so I told him to ask someone.

“Did you get it?” I asked rushing up as he got off and felt my cheeks go warm as he raised his eyebrow.

“Hi to you too, how are you going?”

“Sorry,” I said biting my lips watching as he pulled something out of the bag, “how does this look?”

“Flat?” I asked confused. Oh right, you’re meant to blow it up with air.

“Pump it up for what size you want,”

He handed the bag and I nodded a thanks to him, “Thanks heaps, I’ll get Jenny to transfer you the money or something, just email us the invoice,” he waved a hand shrugging, whatever that meant as I turned the package in my hand.

Well good, at least Natalie can come out and enjoy the party she was paying for. Or at least try to enjoy it since the “baby games’ looked somewhat...weird.

“I hope I didn’t wake you,” I said, well obviously he was sleeping in on his Sunday and here I was calling him. But I honestly couldn’t think of anyone else, I had no idea why Reed of all people popped into my head when I realised I needed a fake stomach.

“That’s fine, I was up for ages,” He said putting his hands into his pockets and rocking back on his heels

Mhm, sure you were.

“Well, I better get this to the “Mother,” thanks once again,”

I turned around walking back when I heard him call out my name.


“That dress,” He cleared his throat grabbing his helmet, “Looks good on you,”

And I felt my cheeks go red, like a tomato.

They were screaming, really screaming. Well that’s what happened when you throw ice down each others tops and dresses, I stayed in the corner far away from the nonsense and felt bad for the couple.

They will have to clean this, and it’s going ot be a bi*tch to clean.

The carpet and tiles were wet, some weird tradition, or it was probably just them too drunk on bubbly champagne.

Well at least Natalie looked happy.

My phone vibrated in my hand and I looked down seeing the new message.

It’s raining at the lake, raining. I thought it was meant to be thirty. What are you up to?

I smiled seeing it was Liam and leaned against the wall, sipping on the well deserved champagne and replied.

It’s raining here too. Well, in ice form

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