“Hello?” I croaked. My kidney felt like it had frozen; shards of ice stabbed me from the inside. My knees buckled, and I fell tumbling to the pavement. I managed to keep a firm grip on the phone that was now clutched to my stomach. I opened my lips to release a scream—the pain was horrific—but no noise left my mouth, leaving the tension locked inside my body.
“Karla, where are you?” Mum’s voice was panicked and teary; my dear mother that had always taken care of me. My body felt like it was decomposing under the force of a hundred spears. My wrist shook with the intensity of supporting my weight against the pavement. It felt like a good time to tell Mum that I loved her and that this may be goodbye—because that’s what my body was telling me.
“Karla?” I could hear the pain in her voice. “Karla, you need to get home. Now.” I heard my dad in the background telling Mum to ask where I was and where he could pick me up. It ripped me to shreds to imagine how heartbroken they would be to know how much pain I was in. I braced myself and yelped as I raised myself, only for my feet to sink once again beneath my weight.
“Karla, I’m so sorry, baby!” Mum started crying and I heard the shifting of the phone. My body felt like it was drifting—panic swept over me making my pain unbearable.
“Karla? Karla?” Dad’s voice was as frantic as Mum’s. “Karla, get home now. We have things to discuss.” He sounded jumpy and tearful. I took one step back, and my leg buckled again. I tried dragging the other leg under my body but they could no longer move. My body is shutting down on me.
My eyesight was blurring into blotches of black, and then blotches of green. The pain was like venom triggering every nerve of my body to shut down. I can’t handle it anymore. “I love you,” I gasped into the phone, while tears replaced the stream of rain drenching my face.
“What? Are they there? Don‘t become what they want you to, Sweetie. Please!” my dad shouted. I heard Mum scream in the background and I felt her pain layer on top of mine. I can’t breathe. Don’t become what they want me to? What is Dad talking about?
“What who wants me to be?” I whispered, wincing as I felt myself slipping in and out of consciousness. A loud ring echoed through my head, blocking out the noise of my father and the rain. Then silence. All noise was lost. My knees collapsed at the same time as the world around me. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I thudded to the ground again, barely able to see my hands in front of my face. My lungs wouldn’t accept any air now.
My body had completely stopped. My mouth filled with blood, and I could feel it trickle onto the road below my face. Relief and fear was all that functioned in my mind. Relief to know that the pain will go away; fear to know that I’m dying.
I felt ice-cold hands lifting me off the ground from the waist, while another hand cradled my head. My eyesight could only determine the outline of his shadowy face. The sadness it contained reflected my own. Rain washed over his face and dripped onto mine. His lips moved as if he were shouting, but I heard none of his rage or fury. Only bliss. My face was cradled in his chest; he was embracing me in his arms. My eyesight was slowly taken away from me, leaving me in the dark. I can’t breathe.
The burden of self-discovery
is to find not who you are,
but what you are.
Finding out what you’re capable of is another matter to dwell on;
but when paranormal ability is profound, self-discovery turns into the unspeakable capability of one’s actions,
understood only by those who use it, inflicting the insecurity and burden of those who cannot.