Alpha Deacon

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Chapter 18


She’s never going to forgive me. She’s terrified of me, and that kills me. This is the last thing I wanted. I wanted to sit her down, and explain all of this to her, so she wouldn’t freak out and be terrified. God, I’m such a dumbass. I should’ve told her sooner. If I had, she wouldn’t be scared of me right now. But no, I always thought it wasn’t the right time. Now look what fucking happened.

I punch the nearest thing to me -which luckily wasn’t a person- otherwise they’d be in a helluva lot of pain right now, if not dead. I hit the wall, and my fist went through. Fuck. Now I have to repair my God damn wall. I look at my knuckles to see fresh bright red blood pouring out of them. Fuck. Oh well, it’ll heal in less than a minute anyway. Werewolves have super healing, so my hand will be back to normal very fast. Which is a good thing, because I’m not done hitting things yet.

My lounge door swings open, and Cage, Beau, Jacey and Nora walk in, looking upset. Jacey spots my bloody hand, and runs over to me and grabs it. “What did you do?” Jacey asks in concern, looking my hand over. “He did that.” Cage says, pointing to the whole in my wall. They look, and see the fist size opening in the drywall.

“You idiot. Why’d you do that?” Jacey asks, then glances back at my hand which is now completely healed. “I’m not in the mood.” I reply, and she gives me a blank look. “Look, you don’t think we’re upset too?” “I’m not upset.” I deny and they all snort. “Yes you are. And so are we. Violet has become like a sister to Nora and I.“, Nora nods. “And now she is terrified of all of us. It’s horrible. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.” Jacey finishes, and they all give me sympathetic looks. Fuck. I hate sympathy, and they know it. “Stop the fucking sympathetic looks.” I demand harshly and they flinch.

I instantly feel slightly bad, but shrug it off. They shouldn’t give an Alpha sympathy. I fucking hate it. And I hate that my gorgeous mate is terrified of me right now.

You shouldn’t test an Alpha that isn’t in a good mood. Bad things happen.

“Sorry,” They all mutter quietly in unison. I sigh deeply in irritation. I appreciate that they care, but right now I don’t want them near me. “Just go.” I order, but it comes out as more of a plea. “Deacon, we’ll talk to her, and make her see sense. She’s just a little scared, but we will get her to realize she’s safe with us.” Jacey promises, smiling softly at me. I give her a weak smile in return. “She’s terrified, of me.” I say quietly, almost to myself.

Of all the bad things that have happened in my life, this is by far the worst. My mate is scared of me, she ran from me and begged me not to hurt her. As if I would ever lay a harmful finger on her. But knowing that she thinks we would hurt her, it kills me inside. I would never hurt her, ever, and she needs to know that.

I pull out my phone, and decide to just send her a text. I know she won’t answer if I call, but hopefully she will read the text.

ME: Violet please! Please let me explain what you saw. I promise I will NEVER hurt you, ever! You are mine, my mate, I will protect you forever! Please forgive me. Please, don’t leave me. I need you.

No response. I didn’t expect one, but not getting one still hurts.

“What are you doing?” Jacey asks, and I look up from my phone to see them all looking at me suspiciously. “I’m sending Violet a text.” I answer, and they all give me exasperated looks. “Why?” Cage asks. “How else is she supposed to know that I won’t hurt her and that she is safe with me? Huh? SHE RAN AWAY FROM ME CAGE! I need to tell her that we won’t hurt her and this is the only way to do it!” I roar, and they flinch.

After a minute of no answer, I text her again.

ME: Violet, you are everything to me. I swear to God, you are safe with me and my pack. Please, forgive me and come back to me.

I beg desperately, but still get no response. My chest is aching, and Dylan is whining and whimpering in my head. I can feel his pain, which is just as strong as mine, if not more -if that was possible, anyway- and he is now howling in pain and sadness.


She’s scared of me.

He whimpers to me, and I nod my head.

Not just you. She’s scared of both of us.

Our poor mate. Will she ever come back and not be scared?

I don’t know.

I reply, but then he whimpers and blocks me out.

I sigh, then pour myself a shot of tequila and down it in two seconds. Four more shots follow, with my friends watching on, cringing with each shot I take. After that, I pour myself a small glass of vodka and down it in one gulp. They are all watching in concern; I never drink like this. One to four beers a month, if that. Never the hard drinks, those are rare for me. And if I’m drinking like this, you know I’m severely upset and people tend to steer clear of me when I’m like this.

After another glass of vodka, I pour myself some Bacardi. I’m just now barely buzzed, as it takes a lot to get a werewolf drunk, even more to get an Alpha drunk. “Deacon, maybe you should stop now.” Jacey suggests gently, looking a little nervous, probably scared of setting me off. “I’m the Alpha. If I want to get drunk, I’m getting drunk and you don’t have a fucking say in it.” I answer a little to harshly and she flinches. Cage glares at me a little, until I give him a you better wipe that glare off your face if you know what’s good for you look.

He wipes that glare off his face in 0.1 second, and I smirk. Cage may be my best friend and Beta, but now isn’t the time to set me off. I down the glass of Bacardi rum, then pour another.

And another.

And another.

After four glasses of rum, the effects of the alcohol are now starting to kick in, but I’m still barely drunk. More than I was five minutes ago, but not enough. I want to be trip-over-my-own-feet, hammered. And I’m not there yet.

After five more shots of tequila, I reach for the scotch, but Cage grabs my arm.

“Enough.” He says sternly, and I raise an eyebrow. I’m definitely feeling drunk now. Not hammered, but drunk for sure. “Let go Cage.” I somewhat slur, and he just gives me a not gonna happen look. “No.” He replies, stubbornly, and I growl in annoyance.

“I need more.” I slur while trying to get my arm out of his grasp, and Cage gives me an you’ve had enough look. “You’re drunk. You had enough to drink Deacon. Go lie down in the back. You’re too drunk to walk home. Go sleep it off.” Cage orders. Ordering an Alpha around is stupid, but he is my best friend/Beta/fake brother, and I know he is just looking out for me.

“Please, Deacon.” Jacey pleads, and I turn to look at her, and I see she looks concerned for me. “Stop drinking and go lie down and sleep it off. You’re already going to have a massive hangover tomorrow, and it’s just going to be worse if you keep on drinking like that.” Jacey tells me what I already know. I sigh deeply, but nod. They all give me small smiles. “Beau, Nora, go home. You need to rest Nora.” I order softly. Even drunk, I still am smart enough to know that a pregnant woman needs rest. They smile gratefully at me, say their goodbyes, and head to the pack house.

I see Jacey yawn, then try to cover it up when she sees me looking. “Go home and go to bed.” I tell her. She goes to shake her head. “Go. Now.” I demand, and she sighs and nods. “Go Cage.” I tell him, and he stubbornly shakes his head too. Geez, these two were definitely made for each other. Stubborn wolves.

“Not until you are safely in bed yourself.” Cage says to me sternly. I raise an eyebrow and cross my arms, and he copies my action. “Go to the lounge, pull out the bed, and go to sleep.” Cage orders and at this point, I agree with him. I’m drunk, pissed, sad, and tired. I nod, and take a step, but stumble slightly. Cage catches me, along with my sister, and they walk me to the lounge room. I was fine after a couple of steps, but they insisted on holding onto my sides to keep me up. I humored them, and let them help me walk to the lounge room.

I pulled out the bed in the pull-out couch, and lied down. Jacey threw the blanket over me, then pulled out the bed in the second pull-out couch that I bought the other day. I raised an eyebrow at her in question. “We are not leaving you. You’re my older brother, and I’m worried about you. I don’t want you to start drinking more if we leave, or going and doing something stupid. So, we’re staying.” Jacey says firmly, her voice laced with determination, and her hands on her hips. I see Cage nod in agreement. Jacey gets in the bed, and Cage crawls in next to her. I scrunch my nose in disgust. Then I turn over and get comfortable.

After ten minutes, a growl of annoyance escapes me. I’m exhausted, but I can’t fall asleep. A billion thoughts of Violet keep running through my mind, along with the image of her running away in fear of me, causing me to toss and turn trying to fall asleep. I can’t get her out of my head, and all it’s doing is causing me pain. I miss her, so fucking bad. And she is terrified of me. Absolutely terrified. And it kills me.

Twenty minutes later, I’m fucking pissed. My head is starting to hurt, and I’m fucking tired. “Fucking hell.” I growl quietly. I throw the blankets off of me silently, and I peer over to see that Jacey and Cage are both soundly asleep curled up next to each other.

After silently placing my feet on the cold floor, I quietly pad my way out of the lounge and into the restaurant. At this point, my stomach is growling louder than I am. In the kitchen, I rummage through the fridge and pull out some leftovers. It’s nothing big, just some cooked plain burger patties with sliced lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and bacon on a separate plate. Throwing two in the microwave, I wait impatiently for them to be done. When it beeps, I place them on buns and pile them high and slather on ketchup and mayonnaise.

After grabbing two cans of Dr. Pepper, I take my meal out into the dinning area and plop down on my private booth. Taking a large bite, I sit back and think about everything that happened tonight.

Rogues attacked.

Rogues went after my mate.

We killed rogues in front of my mate.

We shifted in front of my mate and now she is terrified of me.

And just like that, my gut clenches and this intense pain consumes me all over again. Squeezing my heart and making me feel like I’ll die without her. I debate on texting her again, then decide against it. I’ve already texted her earlier and she didn’t respond, meaning if I text her again she will probably be even more freaked out than she already is.


I can’t take this. I wish there was some way to go back and change what happened. I would’ve told her about werewolves, and made damn sure she was nowhere near my bar. I look at the clock that’s hanging on the wall. Four a.m. now. I really need to sleep, but what I need more is my mate.

I finish off my hamburgers, then set the plate in the sink without bothering to wash it. I’m still drunk, but more sober than I was an hour ago. Walking slowly back to the lounge room, where my sister and best friend snore away, I pad quietly into the built-in large bathroom. I had a shower installed, for days I’m here late and don’t feel like going back to the pack house to shower or when I get back from a run in wolf form.

Turning the shower on hot, I watch as it steams up the bathroom and fogging up the mirror. I strip out of all my clothes and get in, the hot water almost scalding my skin. But I don’t care. This pain isn’t too much to bear. Violet being terrified is. I relax in the heat for a while, thinking, before I actually start washing my hair and body.

I’m in the shower for about fifteen minutes, over twice as long as I normally take -which is about five minutes- and I step out, wrapping a towel around my hips. It takes less then five minutes for me to be dried and fully dressed, in a pair of underwear and loose pajama pants, no shirt. My hair is still slightly damp and clinging to the top of my forehead and water is dripping into my dark eyes.

Making my way back into the quiet, dark, lounge room, I try not to disturb them. They don’t even flinch. They are sound asleep. Wonderful job they’re doing of making sure I don’t do something crazy or drink anymore. Note the sarcasm.

I slip back into bed, and try like hell to fall asleep. Although I doubt I’ll be able to. After twenty minutes though, I finally manage to fall asleep.

I don’t wake up till noon, although that mean’s I’ve only had just over seven hours of sleep. That’s enough to keep me awake though, so I don’t care. But, my head begs to differ as it’s pounding like a drum. Fucking hell. It hurts. I grasp my head with my hand, hoping the endless pounding will cease, but it doesn’t. Jesus it hurts.

“Here. Take these.” I look up from where I’m still lying on the bed and see Cage holding two pills and Jacey holding a glass of water. I smile in thanks and take the pills, and greedily drink the water down to the last drop. “How bad?” Jacey asks sympathetically, but knowing. “I feel like I was hit by a train.” I answer gruffly, my throat still a little dry. She takes the glass from my hand, and hurries to refill it for me while Cage sits across from me on the other couch. They made it back into the couch, which means they must’ve been up for a while. He stares at me disapprovingly, but you can tell he also understands.

“You shouldn’t of gotten so wasted last night. What if more rogues had come back? Then what? Hm? More rogues while our Alpha is drunk off his ass. What do you think would’ve happened?” Cage lectures me, only making my head throb even more. “You would’ve handed it Cage. You’re not just Beta because you’re my best friend. And I would’ve sobered up fast if that happened. Which, it didn’t.” I reply, still holding my pounding head and wishing they had given me five pills instead of two.

“It could’ve Deacon. You’re damn lucky it didn’t. Look, I understand why you got drunk, believe me, I understand. And I’m not blaming you for feeling like that, I’m just pissed because you got drunk right after a bad attack. Anything could’ve happened. It could’ve been a diversion while they attacked the pack house-” I cut him off. “It wasn’t though, so quit with the fucking lecture. I get it. Enough now. My head is fucking pounding, so I’d appreciate some fucking peace and quiet.” I all but growl out, glaring at him while he glares right back. And this is the moment Jacey walks back into the room holding the glass of water. She stares at us with her eyes narrowed disapprovingly, then hands me the water and I thank her.

“Why are you two glaring at each other?” Jacey asks, eyeing us suspiciously. I glare harder. “Nothing.” I answer vaguely, and she raises an eyebrow. “Cage?” She asks. “He was an ass last night, and he knows it.” Cage says, and Jacey smiles in triumph. “Yes. But, he is upset, so leave him alone.” She demands and I smirk at Cage. Yeah, real mature I know.

He narrows his eyes into slits, making me smirk wider. He goes to open his mouth to say something snarky, then, “Stop it!” Jacey shouts, making us both flinch from her sudden outburst. We both look at her, to see her glaring at us both harshly. Yeesh. “Enough you two! Just, stop it! Cage, I love you, but leave him alone! Yes, what he did last night was shitty, but he had a good reason for getting drunk off his ass! And you,” She points at me, eyes narrowed. “You, shouldn’t of gotten drunk off your ass you stupid little idiot!” Cage chokes on a laugh, and I look at her in offence. “Excuse me?” I ask her, giving her a chance to change what she said. “You heard me, you alpha idiot.” She replies, and Cage bursts out laughing.

“Well, someone’s in a mood.” I mutter to myself, and Jacey -obviously having heard me- glares. I push myself off the bed and stand, stretching. Then I get hit in the face by soft fabric. I look down to see what hit me. A T-shirt. I look up and see Cage smirking. “Put that on. Lot’s of females out in the bar today. Just because Violets not here, doesn’t me you should try to attract other females attention. Plus, it’s very unprofessional for the owner to walk around shirtless.” Cage tells me, and I growl, but I obediently put on my shirt. I was planning on getting dressed anyway. “I would never even look at another female Cage. You should know that.” I growl out and he nods. “I do. I’m just saying. Some of those women are fucking horny, I can smell the arousal.”

“Yeah. Sure.” I mutter, but then I smell it too.

I head to the bathroom, as nausea suddenly rises up in my throat. I knew those drinks would come back to bite me in the ass. After puking for five minutes, and brushing my teeth -twice- I head out into my bar where Jacey and Cage went. When I don’t see them, I head to the restaurant and find them in my booth, ordering food. I walk over, and sit beside my sister and order myself.

“Did you puke?” Jacey asks, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “Yes.” I answer simply. She makes a grossed out face while Cage smirks. “Told you so, dumbass.” Cage says, and I raise my eyebrows. “We told you that if you kept drinking it would come back to bite you.” He says, still looking way too amused than he should. I smack the back of his head. “Ow!” His hand flies up to the back of his head where I hit and he glares at me while I smirk at him.

Jacey rolls her eyes at us. “Children.” She mutters disapprovingly while shaking her head, but I can tell she is amused by the way her lip twitched. Meanwhile, my head is pounding. Fuck. “Do either of you have some aspirin? It feels like there is a drummer going nuts in my head.” I say, grasping my head, then laying my head on the table. Resting on my crossed arms. “No, sorry.” He says and I groan. “Jacey?” I basically plead, my head hurts bad. “Sorry, I don’t. I have some tums though.” I lift my head and narrow my eyes at her. “I don’t need a tums. I need my head to stop pounding.” I say, more grouchy than necessary.

“They will help your stomach, grouch.” Jacey says, eyes narrowed. Now that she mentions it, my stomach is starting to feel bad again and I do feel slightly nauseous. Shit. “I don’t need it.” I deny, and she shrugs. The waiter comes over with our steaming hot food, and walks right up to our table to set it all down.

And then I hurl.

All over the floor at the -now horrified- waiters feet. His eyes are wide, his mouth agape as a loud gasps escapes his parted lips, and he reels back to avoid my bodily fluids. Which was a not-so-smart move on his part. As he flung himself backwards away from us, he had still yet to place the food down on the table. Causing the black tray in his hand to flip over and all the food to spill all over him. Then he slipped on some butter that fell off his tray and he tumbled backwards, landing on his back with a thud and covered in food.

My eyes are wide now, and I’m sure my mortified look is apparent, and I wipe my mouth with a napkin. “I’m so sorry.” I apologize to the poor waiter, who is probably going to quit after this. I wouldn’t blame him. I turn my head to look at Cage and Jacey, -who I would’ve thought would be disgusted- and see Jacey hunched over dying of laughter. Cage is trying his hardest to hold back his laugh, but he fails and bursts out laughing.

“Christ almighty! Holy mother of hell! Fucking cock fuck!” The waiter, Tip, screams out a string of profanities while simultaneously managing to make my sister and best friend laugh harder. “Fucking, fuckedy, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Tip yells out, and Jacey nearly falls off the booth laughing so hard. Cage is right there with her, tears in both their eyes from laughing so much. “Holy mother burns! My balls are burning!” Tip screeches, and then I notice the hot chicken tortilla soup spilled all over his manhood. That’s got to hurt.

Jacey’s laughter increases, meanwhile Cage’s comes to an abrupt halt when he notices the soup. “Oh, damn.” Cage whispers looking horrified, and I nod in agreement. “That has got to burn like a motherfucker.” I say and Tip starts swatting the hot soup off his crotch. The soup flies in splashes onto the floor, and he keeps it up like a mad man. I turn my head, and notice my ice water sitting on the table. Jacey looks as well, then grabs it and pours it over his crotch. “Ahh, sweet relief!” Tip sighs.

“Again, I’m really sorry.” I apologize, feeling genuinely bad about the whole burning flesh fiasco. He waves me off. “It’s fine. I’m going to go clean up.” I shake my head, making them all look at me like I’m crazy. I smile. “Take the day off. Paid.” I say, and Tip grins, despite still being covered in hot food that steam still floats off of.

Right when I look up, I see Beau and Nora standing there, staring at Tip with their mouths agape in shock and confusion. “What the hell happened?” Nora asks, shocked. Beau looks thoroughly amused, but shocked and confused nonetheless. “Deacon hurled, Tip tripped.” Is Cage’s wonderful explanation of the whole fiasco. They look at me, still confused. “I puked, Tip reeled back to avoid being a puke casualty, then spilled the food all over himself and fell.” I explain, and Nora giggles while Beau laughs. “And he burned his balls.” Jacey adds, looking more than amused. Nora bursts out laughing, while Beau looks the same as we did. “That had to fucking hurt.” Tip nods. “Fuck, it hurt like a bitch.”

After that whole fiasco, the floor was cleaned, I showered, then we reordered our food with Beau and Nora joining us, and ate. All the while memories of last night haunted me, causing me to get sick to my stomach. Knowing that my mate isn’t here with me because she is scared of me made it hard to breathe. My heart felt crushed and Dylan was still whimpering, whining, and howling in sadness in my head. After a while the hurt was almost too much to bear. I got up, and walk into my bar. I hear them all following me, probably wondering why I suddenly got up and went into the bar without saying anything.

“Deacon, what’s wrong?” My sister asks, concerned. “Violet. I miss her. I can’t take it. It’s killing me not being with her. It hurts so fucking bad to know she’s scared of me. It’s like my heart and lungs are in a vice grip, and I can’t breathe without her.” I admit, my throat clogging with emotion, almost making me choke on the sincerity in my voice. I see tears in Jacey and Nora’s eyes. “I need to get away for awhile.” I say and their eyes go wide. “Why?” Beau asks. “I just do.” I say, then continue on my path toward the door.

“Cage, you’re in charge while I’m gone.” I order, then run out the back door and shift, not caring about my clothes. I hear multiple pairs of footsteps following behind me, and I look back over my black fur covered shoulder, and see the bewildered looks on their faces. I look around, and see some other pack members staring at me with the same bewildered looks that Jacey, Cage, Beau and Nora are sporting right now. They’re all probably wondering why their Alpha suddenly decided to take off. And only those four know why.

Tell the pack I have some Alpha business to attend to. I mind-link Cage. He looks uneasy, but nods nonetheless.

Then I take off into the woods. And I don’t look back.

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