I stare at the black screen in my hands. I’ve been too scared to turn my phone on, too afraid to see if I have more texts from him. I know I have to turn my phone on at some point, but now isn’t the time. Amber keeps telling me I’m stupid for being afraid of them when they saved me, and deep down I know she’s right. I am being stupid. I just can’t help it. I’m scared. People do crazy things out of fear, and right now my phone is the thing I’m afraid of.
Amber told me if this keeps up, she is going to text Deacon herself and tell him to come over. She is giving me forty eight hours to call, text, or go to him or else she is bringing him to me. I know her well enough to know she's not bluffing, so, I'm a nervous wreck. If I don't contact Deacon soon, I'll be seeing him anyway whether I like it or not.
Plus, if I don't stop, I'm going to be fingernail-less. I haven't stopped chewing on them for the past hour. My nerves have been eating at me all damn day. I've gone through one gallon of chocolate ice cream, a batch of chocolate chip cookies, and two family size bags of Doritos in one day. I've also been binging The Vampire Diaries all day long, only taking breaks to get food or go to the bathroom. I'm a damn mess. No, I'm fucking pathetic at this point.
Amber walks out of her room freshly showered and dressed in jeans and a black tank with converse on her feet. She looks at me, curled up on the couch with a fleece throw blanket over me and cookie crumbs everywhere and shakes her head. "Violet," She starts and takes a deep breath, and I sigh, knowing what's coming. "You are a mess." She says bluntly. I don't bother gaping at her, I knew this one coming. She's not one to beat around the bush or sugarcoat anything. That's just not her. "I know." I agree, and she gives me a sympathetic look, that I know won't last when I disagree with her.
"Since you're like my sister, I'll be nice and give you one more day of sulking, eating your feelings, and panicking. But tomorrow, you need to get your act together and figure something out. Not turning your phone on for fear of texts from him and avoiding him like the plague isn't going to fix anything. You two love each other and look at each other like you are rare treasures never to be touched or harmed. If that's not true love than I don't know what is. I can't stand seeing you so sad, it makes me sad. You guys are endgame, I know it. And sitting here on your butt is only prolonging the sadness and inevitable. You two will end up together, I know it. And deep down I know you know it too. You know damn well you're being stupid, but I'll let you be stupid for one more day. It's already been three and I'm getting irritated." Amber softly lectures me.
Dammit. She's right. Good thing I don't have a job, or I'd have been fired. I look at her, then sigh. "You're right." I agree with her. "Don't argue with me Vi! I'm ri-" She cuts herself off and looks at me incredulously. "Wait. Did you just say I'm right?" Amber asks, eyes wide in obvious shock. I smile softly in mild amusement. I haven't really smiled in days. "Yes, I did. You're right and I agree with you." I tell her, and her jaw drops open in shock. I giggle. I understand her shock completely, I rarely agree this easily.
"You...agree...with me?" She all but stammers, causing me to laugh, despite the hurt over Deacon still paining my heart. I miss him. So damn much I feel like my heart is being squeezed every time I think about that hurt look on his face when I ran from him. I feel like I'm dying inside from not being near him. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. I just hope he doesn't think I hate him. Cause I don't, I could never ever hate him. Like, I literally couldn't hate him even if I tried. Although I'd never try. I love him, I may be frightened of him right now, but I love him more than I knew it was possible to love someone.
"Yes, I do."
She smirks. "Good. At least something I say is getting in that thick stubborn head of yours."
I giggle, and nod.
Content with my response, she tells me she has an errand to run and leaves.
And surprisingly, all I want to do, is apologize. Yep, I want to apologize to Deacon. For what? Running away from him, in fear. But what's stopping me? Fear. Oh, the irony. But no matter how much intense fear courses through my body, the love almost overpowers it all. Almost. I just don't have the courage to face him yet. But, I have one more day to get over it, and I'm gonna take that extra day. For now though, I'm going to go in my room and play 'Unsteady' by X Ambassadors on loop and try not to cry while doing so.
In my room, I grab my amazon echo and play the song. I play it at least ten times and cry the whole time. My cries had turned into sobs, then quieted down over time.
My phone is still sitting on the table, off. It's probably dead too, seeing as I haven't charged it in days. Sighing which turns into a groan, I reach over and grab my phone. I plug it into the charger and wait, staring at it. I see the little battery picture pop up on the black screen. It's red. Yup, it is completely dead. After a minute or so, it turns on. Holding my breath, I look to see if I have any messages from Deacon. There's none.
Surprisingly, disappointment flows strongly through me. It's like I was hoping there was a message from him. And not seeing any, makes me really sad.
I know every time I thought about him texting me scared the hell outta me, but not having any texts is way worse. What does that mean? He doesn't care? Or he is planning a surprise kill? Ok, I'm being ridiculous. I'm being borderline crazy now. Amber is right, he wouldn't save me just to turn around and kill me himself. That's just stupid. And if he was going to kill me, then why would he string me along like this and pretend to care?
No, that's insane. Who would do that? And honestly, I don't believe that idea even for a second. Sure, I'm still fearful of him, but I know deep down he would never hurt me.
I look outside. It's barely ten a.m. and I'm already bored. All I've been doing for days is sulking. And thinking about Deacon. And about the fact that he, and all of his - our - friends, are, are,...werewolves. That's all that's been running through my mind for days now. It's all I think about. I can't seem to help myself. He always on my mind, even before the, ugh,...incident. Yes, I'll call it that. I've decided. Incident sounds a helluva lot better than werewolf attack.
Out of curiosity, I opened my laptop and went to Google. In the long, thin, search bar, I typed in 'Werewolf' and waited to see the results that popped up. I'm expecting to get a world of fiction, but praying I get some real facts. But, it figures, the only damn things I can find are stories about horrifying beasts that look like something out of a horror movie. And that's not what they looked like. They were giant, beautiful, wolves. They looked exactly like normal wolves, only they were the size of a horse.
But, there were a few words that seemed legit and one other I added on my own. So I wrote them down on a clean sheet of paper along with their meanings.
Werewolf - mythological creature (ha, fake my ass)
Pack - their "family", group of animals
Alpha - the leader of the pack, strongest, largest
Luna - the Alpha's mate & female leader of the pack
Beta - the second in command
Third in Command - description in title
Warrior Wolf - fighters
Guard Wolf - protectors, usually guard the Luna, Beta Female, TIC Female, etc.
Mark - the male bites his mate's neck, marking/claiming her as his and warding off any other male (a bite to the neck? ow!)
Mate - soul mate, the werewolves' other half, mate for life, love their mate more than anything, feels sparks when touching (that explains a lot), touch can calm down the other (again, explains a lot), their everything
Mating - sex
Eye Color - changes color with certain moods
Rogue -bad, pack-less werewolf, usually crazy
Attack - description unneeded (I know first hand)
It's all making more sense now. Not much, but a little.
When I read the description of a mate, I cried. I sobbed for at least a solid hour. I then went to the texts from Deacon, where he called me his mate, and I cried even more. He really does care about me. And despite knowing all this, the slight ounce of fear is still there. And all I want, is for that fear to get the fuck out.
Unsteady has never been a better description for me then it is right now. Why do people listen to sad songs when their sad? All it does is make you more upset, but I do it anyway. Cause all I've been doing is listening to 'Unsteady' on loop for two hours.
And, I figured out their ranks in the pack pretty quickly, or at least, I think I have. Deacon, is obviously the Alpha, I'm one hundred percent certain of this one. One, I've been called the Luna, and that is the Alpha's mate. And even if I hadn't been called that, I still would've known. He excludes power, dominance and authority. No denying he's the Alpha. And Cage, I'm assuming, is the Beta. Again, I'm going by the obvious. The Beta and Alpha are close, and the Beta is strong and commanding, but still obeys to the Alpha. Making Jacey the Beta Female.
Now, as for the third, I think it's Beau, but I could be wrong. Roy, though, I don't know what rank he is. I don't even know if he is a werewolf. He could be human, like me. But, who knows.
It's noon now. Seeing as I've done nothing but eat my feelings, sulk, binge watch my favorite show, and research werewolves, I decided to do something else.
I called my Mom.
She answered on the third ring. "Hey, honey." Her warm comforting voice greeted me. And upon hearing her soothing voice, I broke down in tears. "Oh, honey, what's wrong?" Her voice has gone from happy to concerned in two seconds flat. "I-it's, h-he and them, a-and, i-its all fu-fucked up mom!" I stuttered through my tears. What am I supposed to say anyway? 'Oh, mom, Deacon and all his friends are werewolves, and I'm terrified of him but yet I love him more than I love anything else.' Yeah, that will go over really well.
"What? Sweetie, I can't understand you. Can you please try to calm down for me and explain what's wrong?" Mom asks me calmly, and I try to take deep breaths, but it's not working. "Mo-mommy, I lo-love him, but, so-something ha-happened and everything is ruined!" I sob. I wipe my tears away, but more keep coming so I don't bother wiping them anymore. "Oh, sweetie. I'm coming over." She tells me, and I nod, even though she can't see me. "Ok." And then I hang up and wait for my Mom to come comfort me.
Forty-five minutes later, there's a knock at my door. I get up off my slouched seat on the couch where I was curled up in a blanket with knee deep tissues on the floor by my feet. I check the peep hole first to make sure it's Mom. It is. I unlock the door and I throw myself into her awaiting arms. She doesn't hesitate to wrap her arms around me and rub soothing circles on my back.
We manage to get to the couch and shut the door, and she sits down and pulls me into her side. "Oh, Violet, honey, what happened?" Mom asks gently, and I sob harder. My body shaking from the force of my tears. I didn't know I could cry so hard and long. God, I love him so much.
Mom was a champ. She just sat there, rubbing my back and whispering soothing things in my ear for who knows how long. After I'd finally calmed down my sobs to just tears and the occasional hiccup, my asked me if I could tell her what was wrong. What the hell am I supposed to say to her? I can't exactly tell her! She'll think I'm nuts! Think, Violet, think. And, are Deacon and I even broke up? Those words were never said, but are we still together? It's like we are in the middle. Not together, but not broke up either. Can you even break up with your...mate? I mean, it says they are your soulmate, your other half, and you basically need them to live. So, I'm guessing the answer is no.
And oddly, that brings me the greatest sense of relief I've ever felt. Because I may be, sad, scared, and just flat out unsteady right now, but if we are meant to be, then that means I won't lose him. Oh, God. If I lost him, I think I'd die. Literally or figuratively, I don't know.
"Sweetie?" Mom questions and I realized she must have asked me something. "What?" My voice is rough and hoarse from all the crying, and I'm sure my face looks terrible. My eyes are probably red and puffy. "What happened?" Ok, all this time and I still haven't thought of anything to tell her. Shit. "Deacon and I, ugh, had a fight and I haven't talked to him in days, and I miss him. So much." I tell her, only half lying. If it even is a lie. I mean, it wasn't really a fight, it was more like begging for my life, so, yeah, I guess it is a half lie. But the missing him like crazy part is one hundred percent true.
"What did you two fight about?" Fucking hell. I really didn't think this through. I guess I'll keep going with the half truth half lie thing. It worked a minute ago. "He kept a secret from me, a really big secret. And I found out three days ago, we had a fight, and I haven't talked to him since and it's killing me. I love him, mom. I freaking love him. Like, a billion times more than I ever loved Chad. This doesn't even compare. And I miss him so much, sometimes it's hard to breathe without him. And I don't know what to do." I admit, pulling the blanket higher up my chest and snuggling into it.
I know I'm being vague with her, but I can't tell her the truth about what the secret was. "Well, maybe he had a good reason for keeping it from you. Did you ever think of that?" Mom asks gently. "No." I mumble. "Violet, I know you're hurt, but I'm sure you two will get through this. I've yet to meet him," She tells me disapprovingly. I smile sheepishly. "But, I have heard how you talk about him, and Amber told me how talks about and he looks at you. You two will work it out. I promise." Like always, Mom knows just what to say to me to make me feel better. "Now, what was this secret?" She asks and I felt myself pale. "I can't tell you." She nods understanding. "He didn't, do something bad or illegal, did he?" Mom asks, sounding slightly nervous for the answer. I shake my head. "No, he didn't. It's nothing like that." I promise, and she seems pleased with that answer.
"Well, he didn't, cheat, on you, did he?" Mom asks, sounding between nervous and angry. I shake my head furiously. "NO! No, he didn't. It's a big deal, and it hurt me, but not like that. He didn't do anything illegal, he didn't cheat, he doesn't do drugs, and he doesn't have a secret child." I assured her, and she seemed to calm down a little. "Good. I didn't think he would cheat on you, the way Amber said he treats you makes it sound like he thinks you walk on water." Mom told me, chuckling slightly at the end.
"How often do you talk to Amber about my love life?" I question. I'm both curious and slightly unnerved. How often does my Mom snoop in my personal life? "Relax, don't get your panties in a twist. I talked to last week when I ran into her at Walmart." I gape at her, but I can't help but giggle slightly. Then I realize something. "Mom, you live thirty minutes away. How could you have run into her at our Walmart, which is forty minutes away from you, when you have a Walmart less then ten from your house?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. Her face is both shock and annoyance.
"Ok, fine, I called her last week to ask her how you and Deacon are because you don't tell me anything!" She admits, throwing her arms up in the air. "Snoop!" I shout, trying to hide my laughter with annoyance. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Which is weird, because I don't know why I find this funny when I should be really annoyed. Maybe it's because of how Amber told Mom how Deacon treats me like I walk on water. "What exactly did you two talk about and how much does she tell you?" I ask suspiciously with a raised brow. "She told me he practically worships the ground you walk on. Which your father and I both love. And, that she can tell he loves you. And I was looking forward to finally meeting him, so you two need to go makeup so I can."
Oh wow. Amber hit the nail right on it's head. He does love me, doesn't he? What the hell have I done? Ignoring him for days and pleading for him to let me live? What the fuck is wrong with me!? Oh my God, I'm so damn stupid!
Tears started pouring out of my eyes and Mom hugged me closer. "I don't know how I'm going to fix this, mom." I sob and she hugs me tighter. "You'll figure it out. I can't tell you what to do, since I don't know what happened and it's not my business. But I can tell you, is that you love him and Amber says he loves you, even if you two haven't told each other yet, and that will fix this. If your love is strong enough, you two will get through this somehow and you will come out stronger in the end. You need to shove your pride away and go to him. Make it right. Apologize if needed. Listen to his side, see why he kept what he kept from you. There might be a perfect reason he didn't tell you. And who knows, maybe he was going to but wasn't quite ready. But you'll never know until you try." Her advice is strong and intelligent, I know. And I know she's probably right, but I'm scared. And it's not just of him. It's all because of my past.
Ryker and Chad fucked my head up. I can't trust anymore. And, God help me, I don't know how to fix myself. I honestly trusted Deacon with my life and now I'm scared to go near him. "But, mom, every time I fall in love, I get hurt. What if he doesn't want me anymore because of this?" I ask, my lip quivering and tears still falling. I bite back another sob. But, I honestly know him not wanting me anymore is unrealistic. I've done enough research on mates to know he will still want me. But I can't help that small sliver of doubt still eating at me. I try to push it to the back of my mind. "Oh, honey, you need to let go of what Ryker and Chad did. If you don't, you'll never be truly happy." Mom's hand rubs rhythmic circles on my back, trying to soothe me. It works, slightly.
I know she's right, and sitting here pouting, sulking, and worrying is not going to get me anywhere. "How about I make us some hot chocolate?" Mom suggests with a warm smile and I give a small smile back and nod my head. "Yeah. Thanks." She gets up off the couch and heads to the kitchen, and I hear the opening and closing of cupboards and the fridge as she gets out the mugs, milk and chocolate. I sigh, and curl more into the couch and blanket. I hear the spoon mixing the chocolate into the milk and the microwave door as it opens and closes.
A few minutes later she walks back into the living room with two mugs. Handing them both to me, she sits back down on the couch beside me and I hand her hers. "Thanks, mom." I thank her, and take a small sip after blowing on it. I don't need to burn my tongue. I always blow on hot drinks not, as I've learned that lesson the hard way. When I was nine, I took a huge gulp of some hot drink and nearly choked to death as I coughed and spewed it everywhere. My tongue and throat burned so bad it hurt to talk for a couple hours. I sucked on cold water, ice, and popsicles all day.
"So, you haven't talked to him in days, huh?" She says gently, than takes a drink of her hot chocolate and I sigh. The ache in my chest over him never ceasing. It hurts so bad, not talking to him, touching him or being near him for days. I miss his voice, his touch, just him. I miss him. I blink back my tears this time, seeing as I just finally stopped crying. "Yeah, three days." I clarify, my voice rough from my crying, but you could still understand what I said. "Well, are you ready to talk to him?" Am I? No, I'm not. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be. I just need one more day, and then I'll be strong tomorrow. Yes, that's what I'll do.
I shake my head. "No, I'm not ready. Not today. But tomorrow I will be." My voice is filled with determination and promise. I will go see him tomorrow, no matter what.
Mom left after another hour. And I'm just now noticing that Amber isn't home yet. She said she had one errand to run, but she's been gone for five hours. Deciding I'm too curious to wait any longer, I text Amber.
ME: You said you had an errand. Not a billion. You've been gone for hours, where r u?
It took at least five minutes for her to respond, which is very unusual for her. She normally replies right away.
I grit my teeth in annoyance.
ME: R U 5? Where is 'somewhere' Amber? I'm starting to get worried. It's been four hours for one errand.
AMBER: I'm fine. Promise.
ME: Then where r u?
I know I'm pushing her, but I really am getting worried.
AMBER: You're not going to like the answer Vi.
My stomach knots. I know that answer before she tells me.
ME: I don't like the sound of that. Where r u?
AMBER: Deacons B&R
My heart is beating faster, and I can feel fear and sadness well up in me. What the hell is she doing there!?
ME: You said you'd give me 1 more day! Y R U there!?
AMBER: I am giving u 1 more day. I came here to talk to them myself.
OH. MY. GOD.
Everything!? Is she clinically insane!? What if they kill her!? No, no, they wouldn't kill her. They wouldn't. Right? And what does she mean by, 'everything'? I'm gonna smack her.
She confirms. Ah, fuck me. Is she trying to get herself killed!?
ME: As in, the fact that you know what they are?
ME: DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH!?!?!?!?!?!?
AMBER: Don't be ridiculous.
ME: I'M BEING RIDICULOUS!?!?!?!?!? Amber, y would u tell them everything!
AMBER: Somethings wrong, and you're not going to like it.
I'm scared for her reply. What happened? How bad?
After ten minutes of no response, I get worried. Why won't she answer? Oh, no, what if they hurt her!?
Then the little circle and words saying 'Amber's typing' appear on the screen. And the words she wrote nearly stopped my heart.
AMBER: Deacon's missing.