Did he just say what I think he said? Holy shit. I mean, I’ve been wanting this, and hoping he felt the same way as me, but, I’m scared. Chad hurt me so bad, I just can’t trust guys now. Never have I wanted a guy as much as I want Deacon, but my heart can’t take the pain again. I don’t want to take the chance.
Deacon is looking at me, waiting for my response. Shit, I feel horrible. He looks hopeful, and I am about to turn him down. What a bitch I am. I just don’t trust anything, yet. “Will you?” He asks again, almost nervously now. Before it was so confident, now he seems afraid I am going to say no. Which I am.
“Look,” I begin, and he looks like he knows what’s coming, “I want to. So, much. But, you know I just broke up with Chad less than a week ago.” He nods, looking unsure, and I continue, “And what Chad did to me, cheating on me, scarred me more than it should’ve. He isn’t the first guy to break my heart, and now I’m weary of anyone who want’s close to it. I want to go out with you, believe me, I do. But I just can’t right now. I’m so sorry. Trust me, I want to, but, not now.” I explain, and I feel tears prick my eyes at the look of sadness on his face.
“I won’t hurt you. I promise Violet. I will never hurt you. Ever. I would never cheat on you, or hurt you in anyway. Please, go out with me.” He almost begs and I feel horrible for turning him down. I shake my head, a tear slipping out that I wipe away quickly. “I want to. I just can’t, not yet. I’m sorry. Just, not yet.” I say to him, and get off the seat and his eyes bug out in what looks like panic. “Please stay.” He begs, grabbing my hand causing those incredible sparks to show up and I shake my head again, another tear slipping out as I reluctantly pull my hand away.
Right then, the dirty blonde haired waitress comes over with our chocolate lava cakes and looks at us in confusion when she sees me leaving. She sets them down on the table, and I grab my keys. “I got to go. I’m sorry.” I apologize and practically run through the restaurant, through the door leading to the bar and out the exit, to my car.
I open my car door and then a hand grabs it. I turn my head and see Deacon standing there, worry and sadness on his face, only making me feel worse. “Please don’t leave.” He begs, again. “I can’t stay, it’s too much.” I say, then turn to get in my car. “Why? What is?” Deacon asks. “I just dumped my boyfriend and now I turn you down which was seriously the hardest thing ever, it’s too awkward if I stay.” I explain, stating the obvious. “No, I won’t make it awkward.” Deacon says, giving me a pleading look that almost makes me stay. Almost. “Trust me, it will be awkward. Especially because I can’t date you, not yet. I want to, in the future. If you’re willing to wait.” I say to him and he nods quickly, almost frantically. “I will wait for as long as you need. I promise.” He tells me seriously and in complete sincerity.
I smile slightly. “I hope you keep that promise.”
After I left the bar, I went somewhere I haven’t been in almost two weeks. Home. The house I grew up in where my parents still live today. It’s been such a crazy week, with Chad and everything, I haven’t had time to visit my parents. My parents live thirty minutes away from here, which isn’t far but I went back to my apartment and packed a small overnight bag anyway.
I need some time away from everything, from everyone. Chad has been texting me non-stop, telling me how much he wants me back and I am getting so sick of it. I have told him multiple times it’s over, but he won’t take no for an answer. And somehow -I’m guessing Chad, or his phone- that bitch Danielle, got my phone number and she has been sending me texts -mostly threats- to stay away from Chad because he’s ‘hers’ apparently. Fine by me, she can have the cheater.
I called Mom so I didn’t just spring a unexpected visit on her and Dad. Mom sounded very happy about my visit, and said she would get my old bedroom ready for me. They left it just as I left it when I moved out a few months ago. My walls are still aqua blue and my hardwood floor is intact. I have a queen bed in the center of the room, where a black comforter lies and multiple throw pillows. They still have my cat, a five-year-old grey and white shorthair named Menchie. Which I named after the frozen yogurt place Menchies.
Amber told me she’d let everyone know I left in case anyone asked and I told her to not let anyone know where I went. She agreed after I told her why. The last thing I need is Chad showing up at my parents house and disturbing all of us. My parents still don’t know what he did, and I plan on telling them today.
In my overnight bag, I threw in a few pairs of denim shorts, four pairs of jeans, some tank tops, a couple long sleeve shirts and a couple jackets. I also packed a couple bra’s and panties. For lounge clothes, I packed some bralettes, tank tops, and some pajama shorts and pants, all from Victoria’s Secret.
When I pulled into my parents driveway, even before I had a chance to get out of the car, the front door of the house burst open and my Mom was standing there with a huge, beaming smile aimed at me. Dad walked up behind her, smiling brightly as well. Mom’s caramel colored hair is pulled back into a pony-tail and she is wearing lounge clothes which consisted of a loose grey t-shirt and blue plaid pajama pants.
I turn the engine off, the step out of my Mustang. The black car is almost brown, I need to go to a carwash. I pull my overnight bag off the passenger seat and make my way toward my smiling parents. “Hey mommy, hey daddy.” I greet them, smiling. When I get inside, I set my bag on the brown suede couch. “Hi baby! I missed you!” Mom gushes and pulls me into a hug. But the second she does I burst into tears. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t help it. I guess I just needed my Mom a lot more this week. “Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” Mom asks, worry in her voice. “Chad cheated on me!” I cry, and she hugs me tighter. “Bastard. I’m gonna kill him. He hurt my little girl. The little son of a bitch better run for his life.” Dad threatens angrily.
“Oh, baby. Chad cheated on you? I can’t imagine how you must feel right now. I’m so sorry honey. I can’t believe he did that. We’ve known him for years, I can’t believe he hurt you. What happened?” Mom asks while I sit down, and Dad sits beside me with a murderous look on his face. Dad wraps his arm around me and I lean into him. He is the only guy I trust right now. I know he would never hurt me. Mom wouldn’t either. They are always there for me, always. I trust them with my life. Daddy is the only man who has never hurt me, never left me, never made me feel unlovable. And now that he knows Chad hurt me, he is going to go on a rampage. If Chad values his life, he better hide. My Dad knows how to use a shotgun, and he isn’t afraid to use it.
“Well, Chad was late for our date, then told me he had the flu, so I went over there with chicken soup. Then Blake told me that Chad wasn’t there, and he was at Deacon’s,” I can’t keep the sadness from my voice and face as I think about how I turned him down today, “Bar and Restaurant. So, I went there and found him with a blonde. They made out, he was drunk, told me they had sex eight times, then he got in a fight with huge bikers.” I explain the rest and there was a lot of gasps, angry and concerned looks, and threats to Chad. My parents, especially my Dad, are not happy.
“I met the owner of Deacon’s Bar and Restaurant. Deacon Rock. He and I have something, a connection. I feel like I am meant to be with him and I want to be so bad. But when he asked me out today, I said no. I feel like Chad has ruined my heart so bad and like I am so unlovable.” A few tears slip out and Mom wipes them away with her thumb. “Violet, you are not unlovable, and I am going to kill that bastard for making you feel like you are.” Dad threatens, and hugs me closer. I snuggle into his chest and Mom rubs my back. I feel like a little kid, but it’s comforting at the same time. “Yes I am. Every guy I am with hurts me. Even Chad, who I thought would never hurt me and now look what he does. I am unlovable, otherwise guys wouldn’t keep hurting me.” I cry, feeling pathetic and bad for myself. “You are NOT unlovable, do you hear me?” Mom demands firmly, giving me a pointed look.
“But, I am-” She cuts me off with a hard look. “No. You’re. Not.” Mom insists and I sigh. “Then why do guy’s keep breaking my heart? Am I worthless?” I ask with tears streaming down my face and both my parents shake their heads furiously. “Just because you have picked a couple of losers to date doesn’t mean you are worthless or unlovable. Stop letting them affect you. Show Chad what he fucked up. Don’t show him how much he hurt you. And if you like this Deacon guy, then why did you turn him down?” Mom asks and Dad gives her a look. “Cause it was smart.” Dad answers and I look at him then back to Mom. “I turned him down because he is a bad boy and I told you, I can’t handle having my heart broken again. And I know he will hurt me, and it will be my fault. There is something wrong with me, nobody wants me long. I’m the kind of person that can be left behind.” I tell my parents, tears blurring my vision as I sob.
“Oh, no honey. No you’re not. I could never live without you.” Mom tells me, hugging me tighter. “Me either. You’re my little girl, you’re not unlovable or the kind of person that can be left behind. If anything, there is something wrong with Chad. I can’t believe he would hurt you. God, when I get my hands on him.” Dad comforts me, then mutters the threat lowly.
I laugh slightly. “Daddy, you can’t kill him.” I giggle, making Mom chuckle and Dad raises his eyebrow, giving me an I-can-and-I-will look. “I have a gun, I can shoot him. Or I can get him and make it look like a fucking accident.” If he didn’t look and sound so serious I would’ve laughed. I can see the anger stirring in his light brown eyes, and his fists and jaw are clenched. He is beyond pissed off. “Nobody messes with my little girl. Nobody.” Dad says lowly, “And Chad was an idiot to think he could get away with it.” He finishes, voice filled with venom. I gulp, now slightly afraid for Chad’s life.
“I told you, Chad already got his Karma.”
“Not enough for my liking. And now his fuck buddy is threatening you. That’s not ok with me.” Dad says angrily, his fists clenching again. “I agree. Why is she text threatening you? And how did she get your number?” Mom questions, more concerned than angry. I shrug. “Who knows. Maybe Chad gave it to her, maybe she took his phone and found my number. I have no fucking idea.” I admit, “But so help me, if I ever see her again, she better fucking run for her worthless, slutty little life. Stupid bitch.” I say, growling in anger and clenching my fists.
I already told them what all happened with her and they scolded me for almost running her over. In my defense, I wouldn’t of actually run her over. As much as she deserves it. Mom said she could’ve gone to the police and had me arrested for that, even though she was the one blocking my car and I told her to leave.
After another twenty minutes of crying and venting to my parents, I finally feel a little bit of weight off my chest. I feel a little better. Not great, not even close, but better. Now, if only I could figure out what to do about Deacon. I want to date him, so fucking bad, but I am so scared of getting hurt again.
Mom went to make dinner, and Dad had a business call to take, so I went to my room to get settled. They said I’m welcome to stay for as long as I want to, and I plan on it. I’m not ready to face my life yet. I put my overnight bag on my dresser and pulled my makeup bag out of the side pocket. I set that down in my bathroom, which still looks exactly the same too. My old shampoo’s and conditioners still in the shelf inside my shower, along with my shower gels and body scrubs.
I sit down on my bed and lean back. Just then, a blur of grey and white appeared out of nowhere and jumped onto my lap. After a startled scream and small jump, I realize it was Menchie. “Menchie! I’ve missed you baby boy!” I say excitedly, and cuddle my cat. He purred loudly and rubbed his head against me.
“How have you been buddy?” I ask my cat, knowing full well that he can’t answer me back. I have missed my cat like crazy. My apartment building doesn’t allow pets, so I couldn’t take him with me. My cat is an angel. He was a rescue. I found him in the bushes when he was four weeks old and lethargic, he almost died. I bottle fed him and eventually he gained some weight and got healthy. He has been my little baby since I found him, and he is like my shadow. Whenever I’m home, he is always near me.
I check my phone and see I have a text from Amber. Scratch that, make that five texts from her.
AMBER: Chad is here. Won’t leave. Pissing me off.
AMBER: Chad is demanding to know where u r, I keep telling him idk. He won’t buy it.
AMBER: FUCK! I’m gonna kill him. He wont leave! He keeps saying I know where u r and demanding I tell him.
AMBER: He knows Deacon asked you out. A friend of his was at the Restaurant when he asked you. He saw everything and told Chad every single detail. UR screwed.
AMBER: Chad knows where u r. NO I did NOT tell him. He figured it out. Warn ur parents to lie. Sorry, he found out. I tried.
That last text was sent thirty minutes ago. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK! “Fuck!” I shout at the top of my lungs then I hear, “Violet! Dinner’s ready!” I groan and throw my legs off the bed and begin walking toward the dining room. “Mom! Dad! Chad is on his way here! He found out this is where I am and now he is coming. So, when he gets here, lie and tell him I’m not here. I’m gonna go hide my car in the backyard.” I say, and turn to go get my car, then I hear the doorbell. Well, shit.
Panic. That’s what you’re never suppose to do. But, my brain and my heart are on two different plans right now and panic is the first thing that I do. “Shit! Mom! Dad! He’s already here! Send him away! Please! I can’t deal with this right now!” I whisper/yell in panic and annoyance as I start to run to my bedroom, when Mom grabs my arm to stop me. Giving me a disbelieving look she says, “Stop running. You are strong, you can handle this. Tell him yourself how you feel. Don’t hide behind us. You can do this. We believe in you.” While Mom was giving me this inspirational mini speech, Dad was storming toward the door, holding a baseball bat. Oh, shit.
Well, now I’m worried for Chad instead of for myself. I want him to leave, but I want him to leave intact. Not with baseball bat injuries.
“Dad! Daddy! What are you gonna do!?” I question, honestly worried of his intentions. The murderous look on his face has intensified, and he tightened his grip on the bat. I really believe he is going to beat Chad with the bat. I don’t need my Dad going to jail, that would just take the cake on my shitty day. “I’m going to give him the karma he deserves to get.” Dad answers back as he reaches the door and grabs the knob. Fuck. “Daddy stop! Don’t hit him! You’ll go to jail!” I warn him, freaking out that he’ll do something he’ll regret. Or maybe not regret, but hate the consequences. Which would most likely be jail, like where the bikers should be right now.
The doorbell rang again, and Daddy swung the door open violently. And the second Chad’s angry face came into view, my Dad’s fist connected with it, socking him right in the nose. Chad fell to the ground from the force of the punch and I shrieked. “Daddy! Why did you do that!?” I yell, as I run toward the door, Mom hot on my heels. Dad lifts the baseball bat over his right shoulder in a typical swinging position, then swung, aiming right for Chad’s already broken ribs. “No!” I shout and Dad turns his head, misdirecting the bat, and I hear a sickening crunch followed by a loud, pained groan. “Ah! Fuck! My nose!” Chad yells in agony. Oh no. “David! What did you do!” Mom shouts in horror and incredulity.
“Wha? I was aiming for his ribs, not his face!” Dad defends himself poorly. “Yeah, well, nice aim, David.” Chad says sarcastically while holding his bleeding nose which is for sure broken now and I face palm. Again with the sarcasm. Dumbass. “The first broken bone may have been an accident, but I promise you the second one won’t be.” Dad threatens lowly in a promise filled tone and Chad pales a little bit. I didn’t know my Dad scared him that much.
“Woah, calm down.” Chad orders my Dad and I face palm again. He is such a dumbass sometimes. You don’t order my Dad around, especially when he is pissed off. “Excuse me?” Dad asks, dangerously low. Well, Chad better shut his trap. I push my Dad out of the way and glare down at Chad with my hands on my hips. “What the hell are you doing here Chad?” I question, pissed off myself. “I’m here because you weren’t answering my texts and now some guy is asking you out. You have no right to date someone else when you are mine.” Chad says to me and my jaw hits the floor in shock and disbelief. “Yours!? I am not yours! I dumped your cheating ass almost a week ago! You have no right to tell me I can’t date anyone when you fucked some slut more than once and we are not together anymore! I can go out with whoever the holy hell I want to go out with! Now leave you jackass!” I yell, then slam the door in his face.
I turn around to face my parents, and I am growling and huffing and puffing in anger. My chest rising and falling quickly. “The mother fucking nerve! Telling me I have not right, who the hell does he think he is! Fuck!” I shout out loudly. “I have had it up to here with him!” I yell, raising my hand above my head for emphasis. Mom looks sympathetic and Dad looks miffed that I didn’t let him finish his pummeling.
Chad is banging on the door now, pissing me off further. “Violet! Violet open the door now!” Chad yells, pounding harder on the door. “Go home or so help me God, I will call the police and have you arrested for harassment!” I threaten, yelling loudly through the door. The pounding gets louder. “Fuck off!” I yell to him. “Violet! Open the door!” Chad continues hitting the door. “Chad, leave now or I promise you, you will end up leaving in an ambulance.” My Dad warns -more like promises- and I look out the window in the door and luckily -thank the Lord- Chad takes the hint and left.
“So, you said dinner’s ready?”
It’s been a week and four days since I came here, and two weeks since I broke up with Chad. He stopped texting and calling me two days ago, but Deacon has texted me a few times. I let him know I was here and that I was safe, but I didn’t know when I was coming home. I have been talking to him everyday, just a few little texts here and there. Nothing too long or serious otherwise it would get awkward with the whole him asking me out thing.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot, and I talked about it with Mom almost everyday, and I’ve texted Amber everyday too. Mom thinks -same as Amber- that I should give him a chance.
They both know how much I want to but they also know my fear. They keep telling me to go for it though.
Today is Saturday and it’s noon, so it’s pretty hot out. I’m sitting on the porch swing with a bottle of Dr. Pepper in one hand and a book in the other. Reading is something I like to do, but not too often seeing as I’m usually busy. I have a part time job at Jamba Juice, which I called in sick for this week. I know, I’m not going to be making employee of the month anytime soon.
I flip to the next page, while sipping my soda. There is a slight breeze, and it’s blowing my jet-black hair over my shoulders. I’m still in my pajamas, a black tank top and cotton short shorts. I have a lacey bralette on underneath, and the tag is itching my side. I need to cut if off.
“Hey, sweetie.” Someone says from beside me. I jump, spilling some of my soda on my lap and a small yelp escapes my lips. I turn my head to see my Mom looking amused, her eyes filled with mirth.
“Did I scare you?” She jokes and I mock glare at her. She laughs, throwing her head back in amusement. “Mind if I sit?” I shake my head and pat the spot next to me. Mom takes it and pats my leg. “Thinking again?” Mom asks knowingly and I nod. “Deacon?” Mom asks, and I nod again. “Yeah. I want him, so bad. And I miss him like crazy. It’s like every molecule in my body is urging me to go back to him. Like this pull that wants me with him.” I say, and Mom looks understanding. “Well, maybe he’s your soulmate.” She tells me seriously, and I laugh. “Soulmate? Seriously mom?” I giggle, and she fake glares at me. “What? Do you not believe in soulmates?” Mom asks, almost incredulous. I shrug. “I guess.” I vaguely answer and she gives me an exasperated look.
“Yes, mom. I believe in soulmates. Happy?” I finish with sarcasm heavily lacing my voice and she gives me a look, making me giggle. “Well don’t doubt me, he could be.” Mom replies, and I giggle again. “Sure, mom.” I say, “Now, what did you need?” I ask her. She didn’t come out here for nothing. “Oh, right, Amber called me since you weren’t answering.” Mom informs me and my eyes bug out. I search for my phone and I can’t find it anywhere. I must’ve left it in my room. Oops. “I think my phone is on my bed.” I admit sheepishly and Mom gives me a knowing look, but shakes it off. “Anyway, she said that she went to Deacon’s bar,” I gasp and my eyes bug out again, “Relax. He wasn’t there, or at least she didn’t meet him. But, his friend Cage said Deacon really misses you.”
“He does?” I ask, and I can’t keep the hopeful tone from my voice or the small smile off my lips which unfortunately Mom notices and smirks.
“Yes, he does. And he said Deacon misses seeing you at the bar all the time.” Mom informs me and I smile, a real smile. Not a fake one to please my parents like I have been doing a lot this week.
“Well, I miss him too. Fuck, I miss him.” I admit, looking down at my hands. I set the book down beside me, no longer interested in reading it right now since it’s a romance novel.
“Anyway honey, that’s all I wanted to tell you. Enjoy your book. Oh, and the food will be ready soon.” Yeah, I doubt it. “K.” I answer her, as she walks back into the kitchen.
I get off my comfy porch swing and head inside and go to my bedroom. Once there, I pick up my phone and scroll through Facebook. Amber, Cage, Jacey and...Deacon, are all online. I quickly log off before any of them have the chance to message me. I pack all my stuff back into my decent sized overnight bag. Most of my toiletries are in the bathroom, so I grab those as well.
Once everything is packed -more like stuffed- into my bag, I walk down the stairs into the living room. My parents aren’t in here, I check the kitchen and find my Mom cooking.
“Mmmm,” I moan in delight, “It smells so good.” Mom turns around and beams at me. “Thanks honey.” Mom thanks, “What’d you make?” I ask her. “Lasagna,” She answers, “Can you make me some to-go?” I ask, and she looks down and sees the bag in my hand and looks at me questioningly. “Sure, but, where are you going?” Mom asks, looking upset but knowing.