Remembering Scars

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Chapter 12

Pandora’s Pride was louder than Gil had expected, despite the fact it was a strip club. With the VIP pass he’d found in Sebastian’s coat pocket, the bouncer let him enter the bar before anyone else. It was nerve wracking, showing the guy the card, because he was afraid he may recognize him as not “Vampire”, not Sebastian, but either the guy was new or didn’t really care, because he took one look at it before jabbing a thumb at the door.

A few people in line cursed, several colorfully homosexual men shrieked, but Gil blocked them out as he headed inside, holding the edges of his coat together as he stepped into the havoc. The music was blaring, but it wasn’t dubstep or rap like Gil had assumed would be playing. Instead it mixed between X Ambassadors, Ellie Goulding, All Time Low, and other upbeat music that Gil recognized because of some of the stuff Sebastion would play.

He inched his way further into the bar, looking around quickly, trying to spot.... he didn’t really know. He didn’t even know why he came. It was the only lead he had on where Sebastian could be, but there weren’t as many people in the bar as he thought there would be. Maybe it was just VIP access that night.

Gil noticed a group of men in business suits in one booth, a small group of men and women dancing, one man sitting in a booth at the far end of the room, but it was lifted up, the steps leading to it were covered in red velvet, and the booth itself looked different, with more cushion. Gil assumed he was the owner. What did Sebastian call him in his journal? Ceasar? Yea, that was it, like the Roman emperor, or the salad.

Gil took a few more steps into the room, not looking, because the next moment he bumped into someone who smelt like vanilla and licorice, and looked up to see a man with tight jeans, no shirt, and an oiled up tan chest. His hair looked like it was dyed silver, and his eyes were pale blue. His eyes themselves reminded Gil of a ghost, and he took a wary step back as they eyed him curiously.

“You’re not a regular,” the man stated, and Gil blushed, his anxiety kicking up from the fear he’d been found out.

“I-I-I.... I-I’m l-looking for s-someone,” he stuttered, and the man arched up an eyebrow.

“Oh? Who?”

“Uh...,” he didn’t know who. He couldn’t exactly ask for Sebastian, or Avery. He could ask for “Vampire” in hopes that he’d be there, but... he perked up when something Camilla had said came to mind, “J-Jewel?”

The man’s eyes flashed to an expression of uncertainty, and he tipped his head up before looking towards the stage, nodding, “Bit busy at the moment, but you’re welcome to wait,” Gil relaxed and nodded, looking over at the stage only for his eyes to bug and his jaw to drop in utter shock.

The boy on the stage couldn’t have been nineteen! His hair was a dark assortment of colors that all glowed under the bright florescent lighting of the disco ball, and even from the distance Gil could see his pale lavendar eyes, accented with thick black eyeliner that fanned out like a cat’s eye, with gold shadow dusted over each eyelid. His skin was just the right dusting of dark and light, not as dark as the man beside Gil, but not as pale as Jaimie’s skin was.

He was wearing tight clothes, a cropped shirt that hugged his chest and hid just enough, but showed his toned stomach perfectly, and the glittering diamond pierced through his naval. Instead of sleeves, the shirt had straps that dipped over his shoulders and instead hung at his biceps, strands of gold layering down from them.

The jeans her wore were tight fit to his body, leaving nothing to the imagination, with rips and tears all up the front of each leg, the hem dipping low on his hips, just shy of revealing a bit too much. There were piercings on his bottom lip, his nose, and all up both ears, and the bare parts of his body that were showing had a thin layer of glitter that seemed to illuminate his dark skin even more.

Gil had to admit, he wasn’t bad looking, he was cute even, but the way he was moving and swaying to the music left him speechless. Not because he was impressed, but because he was shocked silent. This was Jewel? This was Avery? This was the “friend” that Sebastian had been spending so much time with?!

“First time at a strip club?” Gil’s head snapped to the side where the blue eyed man was watching him curiously.

“Uh, h-how did you-?”

“You look barely over seventeen, kid.”

“Excuse me?” Gil’s eyes narrowed as he turned fully to face the man, “I’m fucking tewnty-two!”

The man’s head reeled in shock, and his lips twisted into a grin, “You’re kidding... you look insanely young!”

“Shut up!” Gil hissed, his face red.

The music had died down, so he turned to look over at the stage, but Jewel, er, Avery was gone, so Gil growled and folded his arms. The man beside him chuckled before stepping forward.

“He’s changing. I’ll go tell him someone’s here for him. What should I say? You a new client?”

“Client?” Gil’s expression was blank, “I just need to talk to him.”

The man stared at him like he was an idiot before shrugging and turning away, making his way towards a door that lead backstage. While Gil stood there waiting, the music picked back up, and two people were on the stage, a young man and a girl who was probably barely Kitty’s age. Gil shook his head, not completely sure how to react to any of this.

It wasn’t bad, like Sebastian had said. It wasn’t overcrowded, the people seemed nice enough, there weren’t drunks staggering around vomitting on the dance floor, then again, it was early, and Gil was introduced to thefirst drunk a second later when he heard someone beside him talk directly into his ear.

“Never seen you before,” Gil jumped and skittered back a few steps, wide eyes flashing to a man wearing a white suit shirt holding two glasses. He held one out for Gil, but he just stared at it before glaring at the man, who laugh, “Come on, don’t be like that.”

“I don’t drink,” Gil snapped, taking a step back, only for the man to come closer, holding one drink closer.

“It’s not bad, it’s champagne! This is a really classy bar!”

“Not interested.”

The man narrowed his eyes, leaning closer with a smile, “Then why’d a pretty thing like you walk into a gay bar?”

Gil’s eyes widened, a familiar sense of doom washing over him, until a voice piped up, “Ohhh, you got me a drink!”

Both Gil and the businessman turned to see Jewel there, hands together, eyes wide and glittering in the dancing lights. He had changed, and was now wearing regular purple skinny jeans and a short sleeved shirt that dipped off his right shoulder. He plucked the drink that the man had been handing to Gil, and his face grew pale as Jewel held it up, sniffing it and giving a little gasp.

“Sir! It seems you put something illegal in this drink!” he placed a manicured hand over his chest, “Were you trying to drug me?”

The businessman stood straighter and waved his hands, “No, no, no! I would never drug you! I-I know better!”

“Yes, you do,” Jewel took a step closer, holding the drink out, “but what’s to stop you from drugging a completely innocent newcomer and dragging him away, hm? That’s what you’re thinking?”

“No! Jewel, I’d never!”

“Ghost!” Jewel held the drink out, and the man from before took it, “What does that smell like?”

Ghost wrinkled his nose and lifted the drink up, “Champagne and Rohypnol.”

“English so the gentleman understands.”

“Roofies.”

“Thank you,” Jewel tilted hishead cutely to the side, and the man grumbled before stuffing his hands into his pockets and turning to hurry back to his group, “Ghost,” Jewel scowled after the man, “Put that tainted drink into something else, just a little bit, and give it to that pig.”

“Sure,” Ghost grinned before moving towards the bar, and Jewel turned to face Gil, eying him with disinterest.

“You know, if you just stand there looking lost, someone will definitely drug and rape you.”

Gil winced, scowling, “I-I wouldn’t have taken it! I don’t drink.”

“Uh-huh,” Jewel cocked out a hip and set his hand on it, “So what do you want? And who are you? I was going to leave when Ghost told me some guy wanted to talk to me.”

“Uh...,” Gil looked down, playing with the VIP card, turning it in his hand before holding it out for Jewel to take, “Y-you’re Avery... I-I’m looking for this guy... I-I mean, my brother.”

Jewel/Avery took the card, looking down at it before realization lit up his face and he gaped at Gil, “You’re him?”

“H-huh?”

“Gil!” he beamed, “Oh my god, Bas talks about you all the time!” the smile faded to a look of darkness, and he narrowed his eyes, “Why the hell are you here?”

Gil stuttered, “I, um, I-I need to talk to him about... something...,” he looked down, his cheeks hot, and the smile returned to Avery’s face.

“Hm, what something? Brother something, or something more something?”

Gil looked up, “What?”

“Why do you want to talk to him? About what?”

“It’s,” Gil looked away, “It’s his and my business, not yours.”

Avery rolled his eyes with a heavy sigh and tossed the card at Gil, who fumbled to catch it, “You’re so dim. I already know what happened. Do you really care enough to come this far out of your comfort zone to talk to him?”

“What... happened...,” Gil stared at the car, chewing on his bottom lip, “I just... I just want to understand,” he looked up, “You’re his friend, aren’t you? Please, just... I need to talk to him, it’s important. I-I’m worried I.... I said something stupid. I think I hurt him, and I wanna fix it.”

Avery stared at him a long time before reaching out to slap both hands onto his face, squealing, “You really are so cute!” he shrieked, standing back and holding his hand out, curling his fingers in, “Come on, hand it over!”

Gil rubbed his cheeks, eyes wide, “H-hand what over?”

“Phone, duh,” Avery rolled his eyes, “You wanna talk to him, don’t you?”

Gil brightened up and pulled his phone from his pocket, handing it to Avery, who tapped the screen several times before handing it back and spinning away. Gil looked down at his phone before following, “W-wait, what about Sebastian?!”

“Check your phone in about ten minutes!” Avery sang, “I’ll text you my address, and you can decide then wether or not you wanna fix things. Although,” he stopped and turned, giving Gil a sad look, “fixing him might not be easy.”

Gil tensed up, hugging his phone to his chest, “What do you mean?”

Avery folded his hands behind his back and stepped closer, a serious look on his face, “He’s hurting a lot, Gil. Don’t feel guilty, it’snot your fault, Bas just... can’t accept what he feels is normal,” he bit his lip, “He thinks he’s sick, like there’s something wrong with him, and he hates himself for it. If you really want to fix it... tell him he’s not,” Avery looked suddenly desperate, “I can’t help him, he won’t listen to me, but if it’s from you, maybe he’ll actually believe it. I’m not telling you to return his feelings, but... try to understand them, and accept them,” he shrugged, “Maybe then he can get on with his life.”


“Baaaas I’m hoooome!” Avery cried out loudly as he entered his apartment, kicking the door closed as he sent the text, beaming as he skipped into his apartment and leaned over the back of the couch where Sebastian was lying, staring up at the ceiling, “Have you eaten?”

“No,” Bas answered simply, and Avery clicked his tongue.

“You need to, you need your energy tonight.”

Bas just sighed, raising an armand draping it in front of his eyes, “I’m just lying here. You seem to be in a good mood.”

“Oh yea, I feel great,” Avery agreed, walking back over to the couch and setting a pear and a banana on Sebastian’s stomach, “Potasium so you don’t get a cramp, that would suck. Pear’s are just yummy. In fact give me that, you don’t need it.”

He snatched the oddly shaped fruit up and pulled himself up so he was sitting on the back of the couch before taking a bite. Sebastian just grumbled as hi picked up the banana, glaring at it before glaring at Avery.

“I hate these things.”

“Eat it before I make you. Pinch your nose if you need to, potasium is good for you.”

“I don’t need potasium when I’m just lying here hating myself.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe hatred is fueled by potasium!”

Sebastian glared at Avery, who smiled back, and finally took his defeat and started to peel back the banana peel, “How was work?”

“Oh, it was awesome!” Avery said, looking off to the side with a sly look on his face, taking another bite of his pear, “Very productive. Some guy came by to talk to me, but you could tell he’d never been to a bar before, let alone a strip club, cuz he nearly drank a roofied champagne. Poor boy was nearly stripped of innocence! You should’ve been there!”

“Yea, cuz that’s what I need,” Sebastian grumbled, breaking off pieces of the banana and eating them individually, “I still don’t get why that makes you happy.”

“Well I fucked over a pig, that’s always fun,” Avery shrugged, “Also who that boy was! Well, man I guess, but he looked insanely young for a 22 year olf.”

“Good for you.”

“I really doubt you’d say that if you knew who it was.”

“Then tell me.”

Avery gasped when a knock came from the door and jumped off the couch, throwing the pear in a random direction as he scurried towards it, “That was super fast! Bas, I’m going out for the night!” he pulled open the door as Sebastian grumbled.

“You just got back... whatever, have fun I guess!”

“Yup, yup, I’ll be back tomorrow, you two have fun, condoms between the couch cushions, love ya babe!” with that the door slammed shut, and Sebastian sighed.

“Right.... wait,” he sat up, “Two?” he turned towards the door, freezing when his eyes fell on Gil, who was standing awkwardly against the closed door, chewing on his lip and staring down.

Sebastian stood up slowly, and Gil’s eyes flashed up at the movement before returning to the ground, “Um... I-.”

“How’d you find me?”

Gil looked up, “A-Avery.”

“How do you know his name?” Bas took a step back, “How do you know him at all?”

“Uh,” Gil lifted a hand to scratch the back of his head, “I kinda, sorta, may or may not have read your journal... a little,” Sebastian’s face twisted into a look of pain, and he turned away, so Gil stepped further into the room, “I-I needed to talk to you, Seb.”

“About what?”

“A-about.... what I said,” Sebastian looked up, and Gil bit his lip, “I didn’t mean it,” his voice shook, “When I said you were just like... just like mom,” he looked away, shifting on his feet, and Sebastian let out a heavy sigh, sitting down.

“Why did you say it in the first place, Gil? I was expecting screaming and cursing, but... what you said was worse,” he propped his elbows against his knees and folded his hands, “Being compared to... the person who hurt you...”

“I-I’m sorry!” Gil walked closer so he was in front of the couch near Sebastian, his eyes wide, “I swear I didn’t mean it when I said it! I-it was just the first thing that came out!”

Sebastian was silent a moment before nodding, “I get it,” he said, “I forgive you,” he looked over at Gil from the corner of his eye, “Is that all? If it is-.”

“No, it’s not,” Gil said stiffly, curling and uncurling his hands, “I-I need to tell you why... I said it.”

“Because I reminded you-.”

“No, it’s deeper than that!” Gil growled, grinding his teeth together, “You didn’t remind me of her, you don’t even look like her, it’s... wh-what you did...,” he paled, then looked down, “I know I’ve kept a lot from you, Seb, but I honestly thought I was protecting you from it,” Sebastian looked up, “I get it now though. You’re not a baby, you can handle hearing this.”

“You’re gonna tell me what happened when we were with that woman?” Sebastian sat up, and Gil nodded, slowly turning and sitting down.

“Yea... b-but just me. Um... I mean, Wolfy and Peter can tell you their experiences later.”

“They told me a while ago.”

Gil looked at Sebastian in shock before bowing his head and hunching his shoulders, “Kay,” he muttered, folding his hands together on his lap as he sat there in silence for a long time, “You... um... I don’t know how to start...”

“Just say it then. Don’t draw it out if it’ll just hurt you more. Pretend it’s a band-aid.”

Gil laughed weakly, his eyes burning, “I used to say that,” he paused a moment more before lifting his folded hands up to his mouth, pinching his eyes closed, “Kay,” he shivered a bit, but started relaxing when he felt Sebastian’s hand on his back, rubbing between his shoulder blades. It had him calming enough to speak, “Mom used us three for different things. She liked hitting all of us, but using objects like bottles or knives, she saved that stuff for Pete. Wolfy she liked shoving in closets, of drawers, anywhere he could fit, and just leaving him there for hours. Me... she liked... torturing me, tying me up and burning me cigarettes, and...,” he stared down a long time before laughing and shaking his head, “I don’t know why she chose me, but she did. I’m... part of me is happy it wasn’t Wolfy or Pete... or you... another part of me is resentful, but... mom used to... test? That seems like the right word. She would use me as a test subject for... toys,” he winced, expecting Sebastian to draw away, but he didn’t, so he continued.

“Band-aid,” he muttered, “M-mom would molest me,” that’s when Sebastian’s soothing massage stopped, and Gil covered his face with his hands, “She’d buy these gross toys and see if they worked, then she’d... use her hands... I think I was eleven or something, but it probably started earlier, I just can’t remember it. That’s why... when you kissed me... for a second I was... back there,” he paused before continuing, “That doesn’t mean I think you’re like her!” he insisted, “I was just taken by surprise, and I got scared, and my anxiety made me see things! I don’t think you’re like her, Seb, I swear! You’re better than her, I know you’d never hurt me!”

The silence continued, and Gil pulled his hands away from his face, sniffing and rubbing at his eyes before turning to face Sebastian, who was staring ahead with wide eyes, “I read your journal,” Gil said, his voice shaky, and Bas turned his head to look at him, “I read about how you hated yourself. Seb, you shouldn’t hate yourself! You can’t control your emotions, who you love, just like how people can’t choose to be gay or lesbian, or a jew, you can’t choose who you love! It just... it just is!”

Sebastian slowly pulled his hand away, looking down, “Even if... even if the one I love is my brother?”

Gil hesitated before nodding, “Yes.”

Bas continued to stare down, tears slowly streaming down his face, “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I tried to make it stop, I tried everything,” he shook his head, lifting his guilty gaze to Gil, “I love you.”

Instead of looking disgusted, Gil smiled softly and inched closer, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s neck, “I know.”

Bas choked and lifted his hands to Gil’s shoulders, “Gil I love you more than a brother.”

“I know.”

“I love you like a lover.”

“I know.”

“I-I want to be more than just brothers and I’m so sorry!”

Gil let Sebastian burry his face against his shoulder and cry into his shirt as he raked his fingers through the back of his thick hair, kissing his neck, “You shouldn’t be,” he slid his hand down away from Sebastian’s hair to the side of his face, urging his head up so he could inch closer and brush their lips together.

He didn’t know what he was doing, he was reacting on instinct, trying to make his brother stop crying, but the feel of their lips molding together, first feather soft, then firmer, was so incredibly exotic and stimulating, Gil forgot everything else. Just like the first kiss, this one was amazing. Bas took over so quickly, Gil started losing focus, his hands tangling through his brother’s blonde hair as Bas leaned forward as if he wanted to get closer.

Their lips stayed connected firmly, parting just milimeters before molding back together. Gil’s eyes were shut, and didn’t open until he felt his back against the cushions of the couch. Only then did he let his eyes flutter open to see Sebastian hovering over him, their faces inches apart, his eyes glazed over in passion and adoration.

In that split second they were apart, Gil felt the doubt and unease creeping across him, but it was punched out when Sebastian leaned down to place a soft kiss to his hairline, “I love you,” he whispered, and Gil bit his lip and closed his eyes, “If there’s a possibility, any at all, that you could love me back...”

His voice choked, and Gil opened his eyes, before reaching up and wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s neck, lifting up his head so their lips could touch once more. And that was his answer, to simply kiss Bas, because kissing him made everything fade away. He didn’t feel afraid or uncertain or disgusting, he felt warm, protected, happy, content, and he was sure that if he could live the rest of his life kissing the young man hovering over him, then he’d be able to die happy.

Even when Sebastian started to push up his shirt, his warm fingers teasing the skin of his stomach, Gil didn’t pull away. If anything he leaned into the touch, panting into Sebastian’s mouth as the muscles in his stomach contracted from the sensetive touches. Bas’ hands were searing as they eased beneath his shirt, fingers pinching at each nipple simultaneously, twisting them, groaning as Gil arched his back, whimpering.

He didn’t comprehend much more than heat, pleasure, safety, until Sebastian pulled away from the kiss in order to slip off Gil’s jacket and pull off his shirt. Only then did the thought, this is happening, cross his mind. As quickly as it came, it was gone, because Bas’ lips were on his skin, lips closing over the bud of his nipple, suckling and biting for Gil’s reaction.

Sebastian sat back when Gil’s clipped voice rose, and he sat back to pull off his shirt. Gil was gawking beneath him, in complete and utter awe at the perfectly curved muscles that decorated Bas’ toned body. He wasn’t just taller, but his body...

“What?” Gil blinked at Sebastian’s question, and his answer was to raise a hand to rub it up the hard six pack that contracted beneath his hand, making the muscles firmer.

Gil bit his lip, his fingers tracing the blonde happy trail down to Bas’ jeans, where he pulled at the button, looking up so their eyes could clash. Sebastian bent back over him and captured his mouth with his own, hands on his face as Gil trailed both his hands up Sebastian’s stomach and chest, moaning from the feel of the raw muscle and power beneath Bas’ skin.

When Bas parted their lips, Gil panted out the word, “Hot,” and Sebastian’s face flushed, returning to the kiss.

Gil couldn’t stop touching, feeling all over Sebastian’s chest and around to his back. Even the muscles there were hard and toned. Gil had unconsciously started to lift his hips, situating himself so one of Sebastian’s knees was against the couch between his legs, the perfect position for Gil to grind against him.

Bas was completely shocked at how easily Gil had taken to the kisses and touches, even more startled by the fact he wanted to touch back. While they kissed, Bas reached down, pushing Gil’s hips against the cushions, earning a disapointed mewl, and Sebastian smiled into the kiss as he began undoing Gil’s jeans, easily slipping them down his hips before yanking off the shoes and tearing the jeans all the way off, tossing them aside, all the time still kissing the older man.

He reached one hand back, his fingers slipping between the cushions and pulling out the foil wrapped condom that Avery had hid there. They were hidden all over the apartment, and Bas always thought it was weird, because Avery never brought anyone home, but he was suddenly thankful for it as he pulled away from the kiss in order to tear the foil with his teeth.

His left hand was occupied, pumping in and out of Gil, who was twisting on the cuchions and mewling out uncontained cries of pleasure. Bas showed a skill of multitasking as he held the condom in his mouth, using one hand to push down his jeans while his other continued to thrust in and out of Gil, twisting and curling the fingers to loosen him.

He slid on the condom, leaving a bit at the end before pulling out his fingers, hooking them as he dragged them out and smiling at the noise Gil made. His legs were stretched apart and trembling as Bas positioned himself between them, holding up Gil’s hips and setting him up on his lap, one hand sliding down his stomach to his chest as he held apart his cheeks and positioned his prick against Gil’s entrance.

It was slow going, but Bas was patient. Gil was a virgin after all, being so tight was expected. A few thrusts would loosen him, but until then, Sebastian moved slowly, grinding against him when he was all the way in before starting to draw out, pulling himself completely out before pushing himself back inside, all the while going agonizingly slow.

By the fourth time he entered, Gil was jolting and whimpering, and the sixth time was when he threw his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders, his legs hooking around the middle of his back, arching up from the couch and grinding down on Bas. The pleasure had him seeing stars, and he happily did as Gil was asking him to do with his body, thrusting inside of him without so much as a small break, barely pulling back as he pummeled relentlesly, his pelvic slapping against Gil’s hole each time.

Gil screamed, throwing his head back, one arm flying up to claw the back of the couch as his other raked his nails down Sebastian’s back, likely drawing blood, but still he didn’t stop, going slow as he pulled all the way out before ramming back inside and grinding there.

They were tangled around each other, each giving and taking as Sebastian thrust his growing shaft into Gil’s willing body. It was everything he’d dreamed it would be, with his brother spread out beneath him, eyes screwed shut, hair a dark halo around his head, arms raised up, one hand holding the arm of the couch, the other pressing against his head, beads of sweat rolling down his quivering body.

It was better than what he dreamed it would be, and he came with that thought in mind, convinced there was no way he would be happy if Gil rejected him the next morning, but conceeding to the fact that if he was disowned, at least he got one night to be with the one he loved.

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