This was of course the perfect time for my mother to insist on a visit from me.
I don’t see mum often. Unlike my dad she has retired from the spotlight since their epic affair and disastrous marriage. Mum went on to marry the dullest man in the history of the world. I guess that she had enough excitement from her time with my dad to last her a lifetime but I still couldn’t fathom how her marriage to The Bore worked.
The Bore was not a particularly attractive man and he had a job as the accountant for a small company downtown.
Now you one would hope he was wealthy but no, the company he worked for was a small mom and pop printing business and since he hadn’t an actual degree in Accountancy he was paid a pittance.
This however didn’t stop him from actually liking his awful job and attempting to have “accounting” conversations with me.
I visited her house on a breezy Saturday afternoon. Big Red aka my mum was standing at the gate waiting for me. I am still stunned by how gorgeous she is.
She was tall, curvy and a head of gorgeous red curls. Enhanced by L’oreal hair color but who am I to judge? I color by swispy straight orangey hair with chocolate brown hair color twice a month too.
She embraces me as though we haven’t seen each other in years. And we walk into the house together. We do little to know talking when we are together. Even her summons here had been a text message.
Eventually after lunch and enduring the Bore’s too dull conversation, Big Red and I go sit outside in the garden.
I cannot tell you how long we sat there. 5 minutes, 5 hours, I don’t know but I start talking first. Telling her what I think she must already know. “I am having an affair I blurt out.”
She flinches as though I have struck her. Or maybe it just the memories of her mistakes or even memories of my dad that hurt her.
“Tell me” is all she says and like a dam bursting everything comes out. The husbands affair, meeting TGWTDG, our affair…
She listens until I am done. Big Red was really good at that.
“Do you love him?” she asks softly.
I burst out laughing at this, realizing too late how callous I seem.
’So you are throwing away your marriage, your family for fun??” she accuses.
I am taken aback by her response. The judgment in her voice.
“What would be the better option?” I say dripping sarcasm. “To throw your marriage and family away for a new family that doesn’t even stay together for a full year?!”
If you have ever been taught the lesson of the broken glass, where the old lady puts the glass back together after she breaks it but it is never the same again….? Then you know that once you say something like I just did. You can never go back. Big Red will forgive me but she will never forget.
When I leave we embrace as though everything is normal. The Bore walks me to the car, attempting another “bookkeeping” chat. I cut him off and he looks at me stunned.
“I am sorry” I say. Words I should have said to my mother but didn’t. because that is just how screwed up I have become.