It takes me a minute to remember where I am. His arms around me are thrilling if not safe. Although safe is quite over-rated considering how “safe” I felt in my husbands arms before I found out that I had married Mr. Liarfucker Manwhore.
TGWTDG kisses me on my forehead and it is a good thing we are laying down because that chaste gesture would have made me swoon. It takes me awhile before I have enough pluck to look at him. Laying naked in his arms is something I am still very shy about. And despite his no blanket rule, I doubt I will ever be comfortable in the nude. I have been married for 17 years and I still could not walk around naked in front of my husband. I still hide my naked with the covers after sex. And yes I said “sex” not love making or any of that other nonsense. It is sex that my husband and I have now. I am not sure if it has been like this since I found out about the affair or when I started my own. All I know is, we are mutually scratching an itch for the other. It is physical from start to finish. If there is any emotion in there, it is probably resentment or hatred even.
TGWTDG pulls me back into the now with his wondering hands. I explore his body in return. He is the sweetest adventure. He is my make over. My vacation. As he enters this woman that I am when I am with him, I deny the person I was, the man I married, the life we had and the broken shards of my heart. I may go days and days feeling like a crumbled up piece of paper but in these sweet hours with TGWTDG I am whole and yes, I am happy.