Love is painful and addicting.
And downright dangerous. If loving him has taught me anything...I was ready to do anything to see a smile on his face. Even if he didn’t know that. Even if I was just a speck of black in his colorful life.
But he was the color in my dark.
So, yes. I loved him.
And, if loving him was my downfall, then I was already doomed.
“Did you choose yet?” I looked over to see my best friend Em waiting impatiently for me to choose a dress finally. Not that I had much of an option. Either it was going to be a black or...much darker black.
“Is this ok?” I said pointing at the black strapless dress in my hand.
“Black again?” She raised her perfect eyebrow.
I shrugged, tearing a hand through my messed up hair. “You know what I like. So yeah, black again.”
“Then you are gonna rock that party and Parker will finally get the heart attack I’ve been summoning on him for years.” Her tone held the same hostility everyone in the school has. The same hostility I should have towards him.
The legend of Woodson High. The football player teachers adore, the same bad boy other boys hate and wish to be like him, the same player girls fall for and get their heart broken.
The same one I wish I didn’t feel something for.
“Em, how many times do I have to tell you not to mention him to me? You know he could be with any random girl at that party and he even could be making out with them.” I laughed trying to hide the slight crack in my voice and shuddered at the memory of his live make-out session with a girl I saw in the library yesterday.
“Don’t think like that. This is our senior year. You could be noticeable this time.” If only ladies and gentlemen someone like me could be hopeful like her.
“That’s the same things you told me in our homecoming and remember what happened? He came with a blonde, made out with a redhead and went home with a brunette. And besides, you are telling me this what, Like four years?” I said laughing. Unfortunately, it has become an inside joke of ours. Cause if we want to make a list of his hookups, we’ll need all the papers left on earth.
And maybe even that wouldn’t suffice.
“Think positive, chill out. Even if his dickhead of eyes does not notice you so what, there are many hot boys are in there. I’ll get you a cute boy and oh, I’ll find one too.” She giggled finishing painting her nails. Her last boyfriend broke up with her cause she kicked him for seven months in her sleep. Who am I kidding? I also stay a good space between her in case she thought I was the bogeyman.
“OK your highness, we’ll find boys later. Now choose some outfit for you too.” I said cause if she started lecturing there’s a good chance I won’t be able to save my ear today.
“Don’t need it. I’ll rock in this one.”
Glancing at her I merely able to hide my laugh. “Yes, Em. A pink shirt now filled with nail polish all over it. Good one.”
In return, she raised her finger making me laugh and ran out of the room to go to the spare bedroom to look for extra clothes. Em has been having so many sleepovers with me for the years I’ve known her that mom thought to give her a room of her own.
As soon as I turn around to look for some dresses for her, my gaze meets with the pair of tired eyes from the opened door.
“Oh honey, are you busy?” She asked me, barely looking like her usual smiling self. I can’t blame her, she’s always working.
“No, just Emily’s here. We are going to a party so she’s choosing my outfit.” I replied with a smile. It was rare that she was home and talking to me. So I made sure that whenever we found the time, we’d spend together.
Which is never these days.
“Party, huh. Come back before one and don’t come home pregnant.” She said winking.
“Mom!” I rolled my eyes and she just laughed at me.
“Just kidding. Well, I want you to come with me for grocery shopping. Do you have time?” OK...I need to save myself from Em for some hours anyway. So I grinned.
“OK. I’m free. I’ll just tell Em and get changed.” Without waiting for any response I picked the dress I thought suited Em and ran out of the room.
“Say hi for me!” Mom almost yelled.
“Will do!” I also yelled back with a bitter smile.
Sometimes my mother could be so kidding that I never understand that she’s kidding or serious. After my father’s accident and disappearance cause the cops never found the body, she lost her mental balance. We never knew if he’s alive or not. Whenever I tried to bring up the incident she started to cry for weeks so I decided it was best if I just don’t ask about dad. After dad, mom is the only one I’ve. Being the only child sometimes suck and mom is always working hard as a CEO to keep the company running.
I didn’t feel the need to complain about this life. But my sanity can only go so far.
“Hey, Em. Mom wants me to go with her for...oh my-!” Whatever I was gonna say, choked back into my mouth and I closed my eyes with my hands tightly.
“What! Don’t this skirt rocks.” Em was almost jumping with excitement. I peeked through and she was dressed properly now. Huffing, I looked at the skirt and shook my head with disappointment.
“Good luck with that.” If you bend, you know you’re giving people a full show. But as its Em, she just laughed out and took out her purse.
“Oh, I forgot to mention but I’ve to go for a beauty sleep. Bye.” She winked and was already out of the door.
“In the middle of a day?” I gave her a mocked face popping my head outside.
“Yup. Now bye.”
She really was my best friend.
“No, not that one. I’ve already had this with Em, I don’t want another round of this bullshit!”
I swear mom forcefully took me to a shopping mall for torture. I didn’t need any more dresses or shoes. I was perfectly fine with what I have at home.
“That’s perfect for you.” She cooed like she was giving my hand in marriage.
“Mom, every dress I’ve tried you said was perfect for me. Why don’t you try something meanwhile I can take a look at the other sections, please?” I said with my puppy eyes. Yes, Em said if I gave that look to anyone no one can say no to me.
“OK, have fun. And don’t get lost.” She replied with disappointment. We don’t hang out much with the shitty time management. When she returns I’m already sleeping or in the morning she’s already gone. I can see the desperate look in her eyes but it’s best if she takes her own time out.
“I am not a child, mom. And if you like, you can choose something for me. Have fun you too.” I said hoping she’ll think about her own life too. Giving her a peck on her cheek, I went to look at the other sides.
While looking for shorts, suddenly I heard a screeching sound from the dressing room. Should I take a look? It’s not normal to hide a monster in a dressing room, right?
“You taste divine, Mary.” That voice, that uncanny voice can only belong to a blond hair devil, Parker Grayson. My stomach churned. Oh hell, don’t let me be a witness of another make out. But as always as the sounds started to increase so the sound of my heart breaking all over again.
“Hey girl, today you can go home early. I will take over your shift.” Tina told me while I was taking orders. I know my mom is a CEO, we have our own company, I know we don’t have a problem with money but I like to make my own money.
Two years ago Em and I joined the ‘Pearl Bar’ for a nighttime job. Being a sophomore and working in a bar was awkward at first. But taking orders has been my job and ever since we didn’t have to worry about asking for extra money. Our boss was good and the stuff too. So we had nothing to complain about.
“Cami, Ginny’s calling you. I’ll take over.” Tina asked me to go to the office and she’ll handle my shift. Smiling at her, I stood up and started walking.
“What the hell! Can’t you watch where you’re going? Blind girl!” Some guy suddenly bumped into me and had the gut to blame me. I tried to walk past but they were blocking the tiny place. Then I snapped.
“Excuse me! I’m not blind. You didn’t notice me.” I almost screamed in irritation. My boss was calling me and I’ve to get away early to go to that stupid party. But this couple seems to not understand the meaning of wasting time. I looked at the girl first and held back a retort. She would look like a perfect model from Victoria’s secret if her mascara wasn’t running down her cheeks and she wasn’t drunk out of her mind.
“Will you stay out of my way?” I gritted out. I seriously didn’t want to throw this couple from the bar but if they didn’t show any sign of walking away, I’ll be forced to do so.
“Oh, are you alright?” Then I saw the drunken girl was checking her boyfriend who was hiding his face in her neck and the girl was trying to make a face like she was ready to kill me. I mean, seriously? Hello! What the hell is wrong with people these days?
The boy lifted his face and then suddenly I noticed that I was standing there waiting for the one and only Parker Grayson to talk but he just checked me out and returned his blank gaze to the girl. Why’d he always have to look like that?
“I’m alright, babe. Just some random chick bumped into me for a purpose. It always happens. You know?”
He didn’t smirk. Didn’t even acknowledged my presence. He only walked out of the bar head high with his new flavor of the week with those eyes burning my inside.
I stared at his back there for a full minute to understand that he just compared me to his chicks. Oh damn....what I’ve done.
I’ve fallen for a complete jerk.