Z

I cant remember the exact day it was, or even how we got there. All I know is, it’s the one day in five years that all my anxieties stopped. The thoughts in my head cleared, my hands didn’t shake, my breathing was steady. You came over to my house, and made your way inside my bedroom. We were just gonna watch a movie and hang out, I didn’t think much of it. We were just friends. High school was over two years ago and we never really had a thing. Just that one kiss at prom but besides that our friendship was long distance. I’d tell you about every typical dark haired Hispanic girl I was infatuated with at the time and you’d offer me advice on how lust isn’t love. I’d ignore you, stuck on my infatuation with the girl with the skeleton day of the dead tattoo, or the girl who’s idea of a chill night was downing a bottle of jack and coke and dancing the night away.

I was back home now for the summer and we were hanging out,something we never done. I thought of it just as a friendly thing, nothing would happen. I convinced my self after last year that nothing would happen. You made your way into my bedroom, awing at the red and black ski line painting above my bed frame. I didn’t pay much attention, trying to pick out a movie to watch.

Halfway through, your body sprawled across mine brushing up against my skin. I could feel the warmth touch my body, I ignored it. Picking myself back up, I leaned back on the bed. This wasn’t actually going to happen. A few scenes passed and it was over. You moved your body to the head of the bed and faced towards me.

“Lets play twenty questions!”

“uhh… okay….weirdest sex place” I was nervous

“at school.”

“Our school?”

“No, whats your favorite sexual position.”

“uh…I don’t know.” I was nervous, “ I don’t really know what to ask.”

You stood at the foot of the bed, looking through your phone.

“I broke up with my boyfriend.”

“That suck.”

“I changed my mind.”

“What do you mean?”

“Never mind”

“No, what is it.”

“I like you.”

“Uhhh… do you want me to kiss you.?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, you go first. “

I leaned in, my breathing exhaled. The room became quiet. The brightness of the lights over head shined on your face. I continued to breathed heavily, conscious of the sound. I leaned in. Your lips touched mine, interlocking with my own. I became nervous, pulled away back. I thought back to prom.

“Sorry, its bad.”

My breathing heightened.

“Uhh..” I tried again. “I kissed you first so you go.”

“No that was me..”

“Okay at the same time,”

We both leaned, I grew hesitance pulling my body back and then forward. Our lips touched again. One, two, three, times we continued. Becoming more comfortable, I grabbed at your waist, pulling your body closer to mine. My breathing rose. I leaned forward pushing you down onto the bed, the first time I was ever aggressive. I continued to kiss you, aware of the stillness in the room. My mother in the other room, I kissed down your neck, you moaned. It was the first time I ever heard the sound. A sinister smiled formed on my lips, I remembered my mother being next door. Stopping midway, I rose my body over your own.

“Sorry, my hairs in the way.” I pushed it to the side, my breathing coming to an even pace, I leaned back down towards your neck. Your small body below my own.

“I don’t have a lock in my room, and I don’t want her coming in.”

“You think she would?” I rose over you.

“Maybe.”

I picked myself up from above you, pushing my hair to the side. I didn’t want you to leave. Two years and here you were in front of me, right in the flesh. I tried convincing you to say, blurted the idea out as soon as it came to my head. I saw the shift in your face, surprised I would ask for such a request. Calling your parents you tried convincing them, it was a no go. My shoulders slouched as you kneeled in front of me on the bed, facing one another, I nervously smiled. You promised you’d be back next week, putting your pinky around my own.

The anxieties stopped, my breathing evened, the first time I ever felt truly at peace with someone. One small moment and I was at ease.

Thirty minutes passed and it was your time to go. Walking down the steps, you walked beside me the night air hitting our faces. My mother walking in front of us. I looked back at you, smiling to one another we had our own secret in the world.